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I'm a 31year old mum of one. I've had health anxiety since I can remember and counseling twice; once age 9 and once age 13, though neither times really helped.
I've always sort of muddled through having the occasional melt down, but I think it's easier to muddle through when you can just go out and forget or try to)
My big fear is cancer. EVERYTHING is cancer. Since september last year I have been slowly spiraling out of control. It all started because I felt tired all the time (I do have a 2 year old son) maybe not absolutely physically fatigued, moooore kind of brain fuggy and detatched. Difficulty to concentrate, yawning when talking to people, forgetful, unable to feel really happy etc. I have to point out here that I have a wonderful home life with a great partner and an adorable, if slightly difficult son. AAaaanyway, in October I got a really bad shoulder and neck pain (possibly from doing 7 hours of knitting) and the next day had to call in sick to work because it felt like my lungs were compressed and I couldn't breath. I eventually went to the Dr's in tears with a long list of about 20 symptoms. She was sympathetic to my dribbiling hysterical mess and sent me for full blood tests and a chest X-Ray. The week of waiting was awful. Then I got a letter from the surgery telling me my white blood count was low. I had a complete breakdown. dizzy sweating, unable to breath, feeling sick, could nt eat etc etc. It was around this time that I had a little thought pop into my head that just went, "This will be your last christmas" more like a prediction I guess. Horrible.
So I went back to the Dr and she appologised, said that the letter shouldn't have been sent and there was nothing to worry about with all tests being fine. She offered me some counseling which I agreed to set up.
A month later my mum was diagnosed with secondary breast cancer in her spine and pelvis and given weeks to live. She had been undergoing tests for a bad back for ages and her breast cancer was 14 years ago then suddenly, BANG. Cancer.
This was the final straw. I had at the time an outbreak of possibly IBS, left side pain and tender left ovary. I was now convinced it was Ovarian cancer. The breathless uncontrolable shaking happened 3 days after the news.
My mum was taken into hospital and given further advice that she would be given treatment and could expect to walk again, in fact today we are waiting to find out the latest prognosis.
Since then I had further tests from the dr which came back only with a marker that I could possibly have gallstones (another drs trip in tears) and we've moved 150 miles away due to work .
I find it incredibly hard to think about my mums condition without immeaditly worrying that I, too have undiagnosed cancer, which in turn makes me feel like a horrid selfish person.
My symptoms have changed now too, my back and shoulders click when I breath in or move, I have lumps in my shoulder blades ( which my partner says are muscle knots) and I'm now convinced I have breast cancer thats travelled to my brain ( my oartner has also checked my breasts and assured me ther are no lumps)
I guess my question is HOW DO I STOP???
If I goto the drs I get so petrified while i wait for results I can hardly breath , and the relief only lasts a day before I find another symptom I fogot to mention. This is ruining my life and it's horrible for my family. I can't even motivate myself to make new friends because I just keep thinking that by christmas I wont be here.
Sorry it's such a long post.
oh, I'm top end of a healthy bmi, eat mainly good food (just a little too much good food) ex smoker of 4 years, drink occasionally.
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