Help to control moods whilst at work

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Can somebody give me some advice. I work in a busy nursing unit and just can't stay out of trouble because of the way I answer seniors back. I do not mean to do this or are aware of this. I suffer from anxiety and depression have done for 4 months now. I don't like to underestimate anyone that's just not me. I get really anxious at work and upset just don't want anybody to see me different other than a good caring carer, done the profession for over twenty years and love my job so much. Can depression and anxiety make you like this. I am usually a very bubbly person. Now I hate myself for. Being  like this and feel so devistated.

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  • Posted

    Hi there Michelle🙂

    This à hard one for you isn't it?  I ran a care home in Cornwall for 10 years whilst suffering with depression and anxiety.

    heres no real cure are you on any meds.

    you are not on you own here. I was in a terrible state at work and there was not much help they just wanted me to keep going. I guess they couldn't see what was in my head.

    can you talk to your employer at all. Surely in a caring surrounding they should be more empathetic too you. This is not always the case I know.

    Dont hate yourself my dear you have been a Carer for many years and it does get to you especially with depression.

    Depression is cruel and can make you feel like it.

    Your colleges should see you as an asset I hope they help you a little. Share the loads.

    You may need a break. I took two weeks off then felt better.

    i wish I had a magic answer for you.

    try to recognise when you may have a go at your seniors but it may be justified or is it you feeling angry so you shout at them.?

     I get it I really do I had to quit in the end and now I really miss it.

    so if you've a senior that you can talk too then they might understand more. You are not on your own.

    take care

    vicky

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    • Posted

      Thank you Thank you vicky

       I am on meds . I take fluoxetine 40mg in the morning mitrtazapine 30mg an hour at night before taking 7.5 mg of zopiclone and 5mg diazepam. I do sleep all night now. I was signed off work for a month ended up at a crisis house for 11 days. But I can justify my actions I don't shout at seniors got accused of undermining. I was a senior my self and fully understand her role and respect her she is young but age doesn't matter.  I so love my job spoke with the manager who is so understanding she says I am an excellent carer but have to paint on a face at work and watch how I speak. I wouldn't mind if I was aware of not listening so infuture I am going to carry around a little book in my pocket and simply write everything down that is asked of , of me because it is a very busy unit and hard to remember everything when your already doing a task in hand. I was that anxious yesterday that I ended up at the hospital for doing something to myself. At the time I felt I had to remove the badness from me to make me a better person. 

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    • Posted

      Hi Michelle 

      pits no wonder you are hurting you've had every parents nighmare, it's still raw.

      please please don't hurt yourself further.

      I think your colleges should be a little sensitive toward you it has not been long and it is very sensitive, . I'm glad your manager is good to you.

      You will be short tempered my goodness well done for being at work.

       Look your walls come down you're trying to manage you are doing well.

      You recognise that you are like yo are at work. Use that notebook to take pressure off you.

       Maybe reach out to others that have lost their children maybe see how they try to cope, do you think you need time off.

       Be kind to yourself please

      Do you talk to anyone or have thearapy?

      take care 

      Vicky🙂

       

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  • Posted

    Hi Michelle - I was a nurse too, but in a nursing home. I have suffered depression and anxiety all my life and have found on occasion that i can be snappy or argumentative, and not just in nursing. Usually it is because the situation is stressful or I have a lot on my plate. I always felt bad afterward, and that's because the reactions were not who i really am but the illness speaking. You have to forgive yourself for what's done. Draw a line and start again. Perhaps with the meds? Maybe the dosage needs tweaking, or a whole new med prescribed? Was your visit to the hospital yesterday the result of self harm? If so, perhaps a new perspective on your situation is required, like what triggered these episodes of depression and anxiety 4 months ago?

    The notebook is a great idea. Save a page or ten in the back to write what you want to say to the seniors but no longer will. Might help.

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    • Posted

      I have been hiding behind a very thick brick wall for years because of bringing up my daughters. I lost a baby 18 years ago and just put this behind the wall along with my childhood memories just to get on in life. Only May this year my son Lucas who was 16 had taken his own life which tore down this thick wall after a while of numbness and yes I was self harming trying to cut out the badness in me because I see myself as this bad person that bad things always happen to. I used to be so outgoing and bubbly but that spark as now gone. I am on a waiting list for therapy.
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    • Posted

      I'm so sorry about your son - I simply cannot imagine what that loss must be like. No wonder you are falling apart. No, you are not bad - you're a survivor. Therapy is the most sensible idea - there is so much you have to unburden. No doubt it seems to you that the sun will never shine again, but taking steps to address the trauma and grief in your life is a path back to yourself. It will take time, and it will be painful, but you are doing the right thing. Hang in there, and we are always here to talk. 

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    • Posted

      Thank you I am just taking each day as it comes. I went that step too far on Saturday which resulted in me having stitches. Now I think it's infected because I am experiencing a dull and ache and it feels so weird. Look like it's been oozing through the dressing.

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