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I genuinely don’t know if this will help or even be considered as anxiety/paranoia.
I have two children and a fiancee who i love more than anything but I seem to be destroying it with my picking/worrying/moaning etc.
We went out this weekend and my partner ended up texting some very flirtatious messages to another person and I found them.
I want to be honest and I admit I worry constantly about what my partner is doing and I always bring up the past in a negative way.
Around 4 years ago we split up and my partner did end up seeing another person for about a month. To this day i still cannot let this drop even though when we got back together I said i could. I have brought it up on many occasions causing huge issues with my relationship.
To be honest our relationship hasn’t been great for a while now and I genuinely believe a lot of this is down to me worrying about her cheating on me, causing me to be inappropriate, angry and nasty towards her.
When we get along we get along amazing but I can then out of no where just say dig at her and the arguments start again.
It’s so clear my partner doesn’t want to argue with me but it is also very clear she doesn’t want to make much effort towards me anymore because until this weekend caused too much damage.
After finding the texts (i checked her phone) I confronted my partner and we had a huge fight nearly breaking up. After talking all day we decided we wanted to try again and try work at this for not just us but the kids.
My partner has to speak to this person she sent messages to but has said she will never do anything like this again and has assured me she loves me and would of never done anything.
And that’s my problem, technically she never has done anything wrong. She started seeing someone when we weren’t together and even though she flirted she admitted the reason was because we just aren’t working anymore.
I want to make this work more than anything. I love my partner with all my heart but I cannot let anything go, all i can see at the moment is the messages and the fact i feel betrayed.
I want to move on and try to forget this. I need to trust my partner or a relationship will never work.
I have huge trust issues and me bringing up past events is becoming so frequent it is going to just drive her away.
I totally understand the idea if we want to give it another go, I have to forget whats happened and try move on and I really want to but I can’t. It’s all I can think about.
I know i sound like my relationship sounds pointless but there is a lot of good init too but I cannot stop feeling the need to check up on her all the time and when i do check up, bar this one time I have found nothing.
Is there anything I can do to just learn to trust her and not accuse her of things she’s done? I feel like i’m going insane because I don’t want to be like this.
I want my family to work and for us to be happy but my actions are going to leave me lonely and I will lose the best thing that’s ever happened to me.
I really hope someone can understand where I'm coming from and not just moaning for no reason.
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