Helping someone you love

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My partner, who I love with all my heart, suffers from depression. It' seems to be hereditary, and there are no real triggers but it often starts from anxiety from irrational worrying thoughts. My partner doesn't like telling me about how he feels because he feels he is burdening me but that's so not true, I want to know how he feels and how I can help. If anybody suffers same thing could you tell me what a partner can do to really help? He takes medication and has looked at CBT Ect but problem still there and has been for years. I encourage him to talk to me about how he feels, try to give him space and cuddles when he needs them. Encourage him to eat, do things with him that help, but feel bit isolated because he doesn't want to tell me everything he's going through and when he does, I don't know what to say other than how much I love him and will forever be there for him. 

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  • Posted

    Hello A94118,

    I can truly sympathise with you I know how difficult and distressing it is in your situation... I have got three sons ( all lovely young gentlemen ) suffer from me health problems.. we have supported them through many different medications ( anti-psychotics and antidepressants ect ) for many years, also sections !! Crisis teams daily for long periods of time, we always find that the hardest part is that you cannot make it better for them and that is heart breaking....

    However, I have also been on the other side of the fence, I was sectioned four times, very depressed, not eating and a severe alcohol problem..... believe me, your husband knows that you love him very much..... it is difficult to open up because obviously we do not want to worry our. Spouses and children ( I have a wonderful older brother and identical. Twin sister who cried every time they saw me ) but also, and I am sure. That your husband is the same, you feel so fragile that you need to. Almost curl up into a ball until you feel stronger......

    So please, please never think that your husband does not love you or. Is shutting you out... it is his only form of protection he has for you. Both at the moment.... but it certainly can and will get better ...

    My very sincerest wishes to you both...KEEP STRONG. ....xxx

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  • Posted

    I'm the opposite to you!  I suffer from anxiety and have a few episodes a year when my anxiety is so bad that I have a few drinks to help me function, then I feel really guilty. My husband gets very hurt that I don't tell him how I am feeling. He feels I fob him off by saying "I'm fine, I'm just tired, im going down with a cold". I've never been able to discuss my thoughts and feelings. I think a lot has to do with how I was bought up. My late mum believed in the stiff upper lip, and pull yourself together. The other reason is due to his own health problems, he's on the waiting list to have his heart stopped and then shock started, hopefully it might cure his irregular heartbeat, which can be made worse by stress. Like you with your husband, he's always there for me, takes me places, cooks my favourite food, I wouldn't be able to cope without him. It is difficult to tell him when all he's trying to do his help.

    theres always the denial on my part. Talking about anxiety/depression means it has to be faced, instead of trying to convince myself that I'm fine. I do take him for granted, maybe your husband feels the same. He will tell you at some point. There's also the threat that by admitting feelings and discussing, it brings a sense of failure and not being 'normal'.

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  • Posted

    Hi there...It sounds like you have been doing all you can in supporting your partner.It is very hard and really all you can do is continue what you've  been doing.Being there for him and reassuring him means more to him than you may imagine.I also think sometimes it seems men find it a little harder opening up than we do.He is lucky to have you...There is not much in the way of words you can say....Stay strong,sending you good thoughts x
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  • Posted

    Hello, you are showing your partner love by encouraging him and giving him cuddles etc. Stay strong and don't give up on him. Men find it harder to open up with their feelings. Your doing all you can, he knows that. 

    Elizabeth.

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  • Posted

    You are a wonderful supportive caring lady.  You are doing all you can.  Please don't feel shut out.  That is what we do to protect our loved ones.  Just being there for your partner is enough.  He may not show it, but he knows you love him and want the best for him.

    Depression in others is difficult to deal with.  I have put my family through some difficult times, but just knowing they are there is enough.  I think you are doing everything right.  He is so lucky to have you.

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