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Here I go again 😔

Posted , 9 users are following.

Belinda7168
Belinda7168

I have been battling this depression since childhood and I'm now 48, so I guess I should be used to it by now,

I'm currently having withdrawals from venlafaxine, stopped because they don't work anymore, just like all the other antidepressants I've had over the years!

I'm thinking how much easier it would be for myself and everyone if I just go to sleep and not wake up! 😡

I'm staying in control at the moment, still at the stage of thinking of my grown son's and my husband, how they would feel if they knew how I was feeling.

I'm hurting all over and I'm tired of keep visiting this dark place

Do you understand?

4 likes, 12 replies

12 Replies

  • simon8173
    simon8173 Belinda7168

    Posted

    Sadly Belinda I do!!! Going through it too, even picked the spot where I would end it all. But until then I just keep fighting it with everything I have. Don't give up, there is always light at the end of the tunnel, just need to make there. 😊
  • claudia90123
    claudia90123 Belinda7168

    Posted

    Hi Belinda

    I do know exactly how you feel, I'm in a similar position. 46 now, 25 years of depression and I don't know why I'm even fighting any more. Feels as though everything I've done up til now has been pointless so why keep making the effort?

    Do keep thinking of your husband and son, not because you should live with depression to keep them happy, but because it shows that you have two people who love you, and that is an achievement you can be very proud of when you are feeling hopeless. I'd give anything to have that.

    Just on the subject of venlafaxine withdrawal and suicidal thoughts: I've tried to come off Venlafaxine many times and found that, however slowly I did it, when I reached about 50% of the starting dose I would become strongly suicidal and have to increase again. My psychiatrist thought this was my depression reasserting itself but I believe it was a side effect of withdrawal. I was told to stay on it forever, and have just had something else added so fingers crossed. However my point is that the way you're feeling now could well be a part of the withdrawal process and not your depression. If it gets worse please tell your doctor. It may be that your GP can prescribe something to mitigate the effects in the short term while you are coming off, or even start you on the new anti-depressant while you are coming off venlafaxine.

    It's so hard to tell what is the illness and what is side-effects but just bear in mind that anti-depressant withdrawal is NOT business as usual so anything you feel at the moment should be taken with a pinch of salt. If it gets bad please revisit your GP.

  • patricia44773
    patricia44773 Belinda7168

    Posted

    Yes, Belinda, I totally understand.

    I take Venlafaxine.  I tried to wean myself of it a couple of years ago, but I had to resume taking it because the depression was unbearable without it.  I have now accepted that I will probably have to take it for the rest of my life and I don't have a problem with that.  I feel lucky that the drug works for me because I don't want to go back to that terrible, dark place which you are describing.

    Have you seen your doctor?  If not, you really need to Belinda.  Would it not be best if your family knew how you are feeling?  I am sure they would support you.

    Let us know how you go on, I will keep you in my thoughts.

    Pat

  • belinda38485
    belinda38485 Belinda7168

    Posted

    Hi Belinda! My name is Belinda too. I'm 46 & have had depression for over 30 years & have tried numerous different antidepressants. At the moment I'm on mirtazapine but that's not working anymore so my GP is tapering that off & will be trying fluoxetine as I get PMS. I'm having CBT at the moment but its not helping very much at all. Life is a struggle everyday. I hate feeling like this all the time. I now also get quite bad anxiety which just adds to my despair
    • Belinda7168
      Belinda7168 belinda38485

      Posted

      Has CBT altered over the years? I've had counselling but that was many years ago, what does CBT contribute to day to day living with things that can't be changed about your past or how you perceive yourself as a person?
    • belinda38485
      belinda38485 Belinda7168

      Posted

      Hi Belinda! It is supposed to challenge your behaviours & your thoughts &

      thinking patterns that are negative. I've been going for months now, haven't got many sessions left now. If I wanted good old fashioned talking therapy, I'd have to go private as its not funded on NHS as they think CBT works but it isn't for me

  • belinda38485
    belinda38485 Belinda7168

    Posted

    Yes I do understand. As I said in my last post, this is a very hard situation to cope with. I look at my husband who is generally a

    happy person & I wish I could be like this. I can't carry on like this. This is not living. If I want different counselling to CBT I have to go private! I haven't got the money for that!

    • Belinda7168
      Belinda7168 belinda38485

      Posted

      My husband refers to himself as a numbnut, in a jesting way, he doesn't take in or notice a lot that goes on around him, so to a certain extent, he's protected from my emotional roller coaster! Saying that, he's starting to get affected with this snappy angry side of me that we've never met before 😔
    • belinda38485
      belinda38485 Belinda7168

      Posted

      My husband is a positive glass half full person who's always singing & happy despite me always being very depressed. He doesn't take too much notice of my moods but he does try to help me

      sometimes

  • Belinda7168
    Belinda7168

    Posted

    Thank you to all contributed 😉

    I've not been on here for a few hours due to changes, I'm now in the angry irrationally irritated want to scream at everyone phase 😡

    I've finally given in and taken zopiclone to calm down enough to be able to sit with my lovely husband without wanting to bite his head off or lay into him 😟

    I'm seriously going to the doctor tomorrow, now worried that if I don't harm myself, I will someone else 😳

    My lip also keeps having spasms, and I've still got brain zaps, pixelated site, headache etc blah blah blah 😔

  • ellebi
    ellebi Belinda7168

    Posted

    Im the same as Ive been on various Antidepressents over the years too and they have stopped working after a few years (thats obviously the ones that do work) been on some that have had no effect.

    Go to your doctor

     

  • angela10215
    angela10215 Belinda7168

    Posted

    Hi Belinda,Im sorry to hear your going through a rough time atm. Things can and will get better . I think you should talk to your Husband or your Son about this,they need to be there for you. Go and hug your family,let them know how lost you feel. Let them find your way home.☺
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