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redpanda09 redpanda09 3

Herpes or not?? How do I tell someone about it?

Background information: I had genital herpes 9 months ago now and received it from my ex's as he had whitlows on his hands. I was required to attend a session at a sexual health clinic where I was tested for several STD's and STI's however I was not told what they would be testing for, but my results came back completely fine, no problems at all. I get symptoms of itchiness and soreness sometimes on my period and sometimes randomly, but I never get any lesions, scabs, sores or bumps (maybe it isn't genital herpes??? but let's just go with it as if it is for now)

I quite often have vaginal discharge and a lot of itching in which my female friends have mentioned to me could be thrush and that the symptoms of thrush can be confused with herpes

I have recently got into a new relationship and feel it's best for me to tell them. I am 19 and am not very confident so I'm terrified to tell them, that is if I would even be able too as I feel that I would be too scared to even say.

Some sexual activity has already happened, please excuse me for saying but fingering and handjobs were all that took place. I generally do not have an interest in sexual intercourse due to feeling that is not something I would enjoy, which I've thought prior to my first outbreak.

I am sure that there is no easy way to tell someone that you have an STI, nor do I expect it to be an easy thing to tell someone. I have not yet managed to come to terms with it myself and feel like that this will make it more difficult for me to tell them.

I would partially prefer to tell them over text as I would feel more comfortable doing so but I fear that they would see the message on their screen and not bother to reply, but I would also prefer to tell them in person as I feel that this is the better thing to do ans would make it easier for the both of us to talk about it.

How do I tell them? How do I even bring it up? Say it straight away? Ease them into it?

I really don't know and I would be so grateful for any advice on how I can tell them

5 Replies

  • FelizCastus FelizCastus redpanda09

    You need to confirm whether you even have it or not. Which herpes test did you have done before? The IgM test is worthless and can be disregarded. IgG is the test you need, and it must be done at least 3 months post-exposure. If that's not what or when you had your test done, you should do it again now, then only disclose if you are actually positive.

    • redpanda09 redpanda09 FelizCastus

      I'm not sure as I was never told but I had to do a swab test and a blood test done at a clinic as they wanted to check for other STI's as well so I honestly have no idea what I was actually tested for in the end.

      When I went to the clinic to get tested, it was around about a week to two weeks after I had symptoms and after the doctor had told me it's herpes.

    • FelizCastus FelizCastus redpanda09

      Any chance you can request a copy of your lab report? When it comes to herpes, it is actually rather important to know the test with which they diagnosed you, plus the herpes type you have, if you definitely have it.

    • FelizCastus FelizCastus redpanda09

      Yeah, herpes isn't so cut and dry like most other STDs and their respective tests. There are essentially four mainstream tests available:

      1. PCR (swab only) - very accurate

      2. Viral culture (swab) - accurate if positive, but could be a false negative if tested too late

      3. IgG antibody (blood) - pretty accurate for HSV2 after 3 months, less accurate for HSV1 (especially if the HerpeSelect test kit); pre-existing HSV1 can sometimes cause low false positives for HSV2, so your score is also important

      4. IgM antibody (blood) - unreliable, inaccurate and not recommended by the CDC

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