Posted , 5 users are following.
Hello everyone. I thought I would come back to this forum as it helped me beyond belief when I first started suffering from anxiety. About a year ago I posted my first discussion on here (I believe it was exactly a year ago actually) about having my first panic attack the month prior and how I had been suffering from then ever since. People rarely would post success stories here, because once you are well enough to leave the forum you don't want to come back (which led to the anxiety of "Will this ever end? Will I ever be normal again?". Yes you will be. But you need to have the courage to confront your issues. Your courage will come in time.
The last year was rough. Very rough. I'm 17 and at the end of last summer I was in the worst state I had ever been in. Having up to 3 panic attacks a day, constant symptoms. I had health anxiety, mostly about my heart, but anything could trigger it. I would examine my body for spots or whatever and anytime I found anything peculiar: I was dying. That's what I convinced myself. I have a spot on my neck: I have some rare cancer. I get a headache: I have a brain tumor. etc etc etc. I'm sure many of you know how that feels. How terrifying that feels.
I found an unfortunate solution in Xanax. At the end of summer my doctor diagnosed me with anxiety and prescribed me with prozac. She also gave me 4 pills of xanax (Only to be used if I had a severely bad panic attack). Me and my family went to the England for my nan's 80th birthday (I live in Ireland, but I'm from England). Everything about that trip was hell for me. Being trapped in that plane the anxiety that gave me. I should also mention that I had developed a fear of falling asleep at that point. And the thought of sleeping somewhere that wasn't my home scared the crap out me. At home I knew where the nearest hospital was, I knew where the house phones were etc. So needless to say I was already nervous before going. When we got there I had some of the worst anxiety I've ever had. I couldn't walk because of how dizzy I was. Constant heart palpitations. Begging my mum to take me to the hospital there etc. I was terrified. So I used my first xanax.
My mum split one in half and gave me it as a sort of test. It's odd as I feel like I was instantly addicted to it. I don't know if it affected me more strongly than others or what but it felt like a cure. It wasn't. I can't stress this enough but please try not to take it. I wound up taking the rest of the xanax back in Ireland and when my doctor wouldn't prescribe anymore to me I ended up buying it illegally. Judge me if you want, but I was in a desperate state at the time, as I'm sure many of you can relate to.
I was just starting my second last year of school. I went to a boarding school and I was still hooked to xanax. Street xanax was a lot stronger and a lot less likely to be actual xanax. My tolerance went up pretty quick and I'd have these weird ups and downs with it. I'd take breaks from it so my tolerance would go down. But then my mood went down too. It didn't help that school was overwhelming at the time and I slowly slipped into depression. I think I had always had depressive tendencies but this was when it really hit the fan for me. I stopped playing music (probably my biggest passion in life) and I think people began to notice when I didn't take part in any of the school plays or anything (I was the school's golden drama boy lol, took part in every play since 1st year). I stopped paying attention in class. There were a few instances where I would be on xanax in class or whatever. It was very messy.
Later that term I nearly got expelled from the school for drugs. I ended up getting suspended though which further threw me into the pits of depression. I started skipping classes and school in general. I spent a lot of time at home when I should've been in school. School was a very toxic environment for me though, as it is to a lot of people with anxiety and depression. I got to the point where I was lying in one of the public bathrooms in the school on xanax and I felt like I was dying. In that moment I knew I needed to change.
I started learning about spirituality and philosophy. That helped a lot at the time and continues to help through mediation and what not. But I 180ed my life a lot. I focus less and less on school (sounds bad but it was good for me) and focused on music. Music really led me home, it's so powerful. I ended up dropping out of school in the second term. I quit xanax. I quit prozac (a lot earlier actually, but I was put on effexor which I also quit). I built a music studio which I now produce my own music in and life at the moment is okay. It continues to get better and better, and I promise it will for whoever is reading this too. (also everyone was fine with me dropping out of school, I just want to say that. I think I left school for the right reasons. Also I was developing my morals and opinions and the schooling system is just awful in my opinion. But that's a topic for another time)
I can't write everything down here of course! But I hoped what I did write can help you. If I had to give some advice for anxiety or depression it would be learn, be brave and don't be afraid to change. Peace and love every one .
5 likes, 10 replies
maya40271 ross08472
Posted
Thank you so much, I have a fear of having a brain tumor right now😭
ross08472 maya40271
Posted
Hey there Maya. I have had that fear a few times too. I think it's important to remember that anxiety can mimic symptoms of other things. The human body is an incredible thing, so why would it mimic symptoms? Well my theory is that once you've become sure of something (I have heart disease or a brain tumor or cancer etc) your body starts to convince that it has so that you get it checked out or change in some way to distance yourself from that disease. What I mean is that anxiety is like a scare factor. It scares you into believing something so you run away from it. I think unfortunately for us, the only way to deal with it is to stand up to it. Remember when you were a kid and there was something that terrified you for no reason, for me it was this game my brother got for his birthday called gooey louie. I was petrified of it for some reason, it was like a plastic head and the game was you pull snot out of nose or something odd like that. I use to run away from it if someone would take it out and I use to avoid the cupboard where it was. One day I had enough of being scared of it so I went and looked at it. At first I was scared but the more I looked at it the more I saw it was just a plastic head. Anxiety is a lot like this, you need to go and confront it. Sounds scary I know but then you will see it for what it is. Unfortunately the type of people susceptible to anxiety are those who are less likely to confront their issues. That's just the nature of anxiety I suppose. So take time to even get used to the idea of confronting your issues as well. Anyway I hoped this helped. You'll be okay. Peace and love
maya40271 ross08472
Posted
thank you💕💕
carolyn56900 ross08472
Posted
Congratulations to you.
ross08472 carolyn56900
Posted
gloria-mike ross08472
Posted
I request you ross please listen me. Do you had same condition like me.
I go to phychothrepist. She said phycho medicine damaged our brain so i dont give u. You need tharephy.
But i dont see any change by tharephy. My life is ruined. When i eat some thing its feel my heart will stop. I cannot go out side. No social life. Iching pain in heart. What i do. Please give me suggestion what i do. I will be very thankful to you. And i want to listen your first album. Please answer me. Thanks
ross08472 gloria-mike
Posted
Hi there. Sorry I couldn't reply last night, hope you got some sleep. I had very similar symptoms as you yes but of course anxiety affects everyone differently both mentally and physically. I can relate to the eating problem I had the same issue, I remember reading somewhere that anxiety is worse after eating because of some chemicals that are released so take that into account. Your life in not ruined. The only one that thinks that is you. You can change and you can learn to live and actually embrace your anxiety. Therapy and medication don't work for a lot of people but don't see that as a flaw of yourself but as a flaw of mental health services. There is a lot we don't know about mental health issues and many assume there is a system of how to get better. Like when you accidentally cut yourself, you disinfect the wound, put a bandage or plaster on it and wait for it to heal. Anxiety doesn't follow the same sort of rules. There isn't one thing that works for everyone. What you need most is to look inside yourself and determine what needs to change. Maybe get a piece of paper and write out what your worst anxieties are (Heart issues, maybe social anxiety etc) and work out how you can change these. Maybe start exercising, eating healthier or meditating. Take it slow, each day at a time. This process is different for everyone remember. I can't say you'll be okay in a weeks time or a years time, that's up to you. Take small steps, when you're ready take bigger steps. You will be okay. I promise. Peace
gloria-mike ross08472
Posted
jodiemay87 ross08472
Posted
Well Done Ross! Lovely to hear your success story🤗 There’s hope for us all xx
ross08472 jodiemay87
Posted
Indeed there is. Hope you're doing well! Peace
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