Hi di hi
Posted , 4 users are following.
Its now 2 am, been out on a xmas staff night out, obviously drunk too much had quite an enjoyable evening out compared to last night where when waking in the morning found out I had cut die, hate and evil in my stomach blood all over the sheets. this is what I think about myself, I vaguely remember doing it but not really. How stupid is that especially as I had come to terms with the memories I had from childhood and decided to talk to someone about them. Not that I have talked them out loud yet. feel very ashamed and embarressed by this but there is nothing I can do to get rid of them apart from crossing them out. Plenty of water before bed. 
2 likes, 6 replies
jmcg2014 tina89895
Posted
If you had really cut enough to leave scars the blood would have been profuse, you would probably have an infection by now, so I really wouldn't worry about it
wayne1962 tina89895
Posted
Hi Di Hi Tina. This sounds serious. You state that you have not talked out loud about childhood trauma. I would suggest you get a psychologist, counsellor or therapist and do just that - talk to them. Trauma that is buried will manifest in all sorts of negative ways, and it's concerning that you have little recollection of cutting yourself in the manner you have described. Make an appointment.
tina89895 wayne1962
Posted
Hi Wayne I did mention to the pysc at my last appointment that since my BP assessment that a lot more stuff as materalised, which is common, she said she would write to him to see if he would see me again. I only mentioned one trauma event not the real deep stuff as wasn't ready. Have been trying to get hold of cpn who I trust but she is off sick. I'm at the Dr's tomorrow as a follow up from a meeting at work. I've talked to someone from the NAPAC site but not in detail, I just feel so lost, abandoned and very alone. Work are putting pressure following ohs referral, it's christmas soon, my sister is coming to stay. It was so tempting today to jsut f off and not come back, got to stay at least for christmas can't ruin it for my grandkids..sorry I'm waffling again.
wayne1962 tina89895
Posted
Hi again Tina - I know how you feel. The frustration at having to carry this burden, the helplessness, the idea of all the hard work dealing with this will entail and the overwhelming temptation to tell everyone to just f off - even santa when he's halfway down the chimney. I wonder if you would be able to talk to your sister about this and get some support that way?
tina89895 wayne1962
Posted
Happy belated Christmas to you and all on here. Have had a bit of a chat with my sister this evening but she idolized our dad and sees him so different to me. I do not want to ruin that for her so I have not opened up as much as I should I have tried but can't doit. Talked about a few other things but then she wants to help be by trying to tell me what is best for me. Then I get annoyed. Ended up playing scrabble where I beat her hands down as my competitive streak comes out. Just been for a walk to clear our heads before bed mines a mess now. Suicidal plans whizzing around especially out at the beach today following the end of storm Connor. It was so tempting to go in. A anyway that's for another day. You all have a good time and role on 2017, let's see what's that's got to bring. Thank you all for being so supportive love to you all. Tina xx hould
tina89895
Posted
Been sitting here thinking with the amount of vodka cocktails and procsecco I've drunk a few diazepam should d o it at least it wouldn't be my son who'd find me is that being selfish? Plans were or are wait till the new year as seeing the grandchildren again tomorrow. I really hate this time of year and how it makes me feel. I really do hate myself everything seems such a pretence. Just to make people think things are going in the right direction just got to keep hanging in there I suppose. Good night to you all. XXX just