Hi my name is kevin & my girlfriend is in denial that sh

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Hi my name is kevin & my girlfriend is in denial that she is an alcoholic, firstly let me state that i personaly do not have an alcohol problem at all,secondly i shall share my experience with you and hopefully I may receive some guidance/help in return.

In 2002 my brother died aged 48 yrs, my siblings & myself beleive his alcohol abuse was a major contribution to his premature demise, his then girlfriend whom i have personaly known for some 25 yrs I observed was also in the early stages of alcohol abuse, as we became closer I offered the hand of help/friendship and helped her escape the enviroment she was becoming accustomed to and she moved in to share my home with me hence boyfriend/girlfriend.

In late 2003 my late brother's closest friend died, also alcohol related this was also a terrible blow to us all we loved him dearly as he was like a family member to us.

Now my girlfriend is constantly drinking, for 3 yrs now i have been fighting a losing battle with her drinking, I have set ultimatums,I have asked her to choose between vodka & me, I have tried everthing I can think of, but still i find empty vodka bottles hidden around the house. she blames anything & everything as the cause for her drinking,

she used to work as a nurse for the nhs for 20+ yrs but quit her job stating working with old,infirm & dying was to much for her & causing her to drink as an escape. since she quit her work she has steadily got worse,I regularly return from work to find her passed out drunk.I have heard it all "I can stop drinking any time I like", "I don't like the taste of it", "I hav'nt got a problem" etc. etc. etc. my late brother would say the very same things. recently I resorted to sending her to stay with her parents because I felt so angry with her I feared I was losing control of myself and I was frightened in case my anger turned to violence out of frustration, please don't think wrong of me I

love this girl very deeply, she is breaking my heart. Now as she is currently living with her parents I return home from work to find her passed out drunk in my back garden more recently she was passed out drunk in my front garden on my doorstep, She is covered in bumps & bruises,black eyes,cut lips all which suggests I have been violent towards her. I am at my wits end, she says she loves me but i feel that I come a poor second to vodka, there is no winners with alcohol just losers, she's losing me & I'm losing her vodka 2-0 us .


[i:4e15f6888b]This message was automatically imported from the original Patient Experience[/i:4e15f6888b]

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  • Posted

    :x Hi Kevin, I dont really know what to say. I know I have a drink problem and I know my dad doed and my sister! I can only tell you how I try to help myself...but ihave to say, if it werent for my children, I reckon I would be dead.

    I drink in the evenings when my children are sleeping in their beds!! If I dont drink, I am miserable...and always have been. I get really sensitve and paranoid!!! When I decide to have a night off, I cant have any...if I have some....I want the entire bottle...then I can sleep, and blot out the sarcy things people say, or the hurtful things people have done to me, or the traumas that I have been through in my life. I dont think I have had that bad a life, but for me alcohol gives me enormous relief. If your girlfriend is to stop drinking, then you will need to be a support for her...dont even mention thew word alcoholor alcoholic...that makes you feel even more isolated...so you want a drink!!!Dont, whatever you do put loads of pressure on her, that will make her worse!!!And realise, that sometimes people drink to cover up some other underlying emotion!!!And that they are not horrible, or even trying to hurt you, but purely, that (ie)your girlfriend cant cope , with her pain, without it!!!Good luck!!!

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  • Posted

    Hi Kevin,

    First of all, I'm not an alcoholic but I am married to one whom I love dearly but hate what he's doing at the same time.

    There is no easy answer, you have to decide how far you are willing to go with the fight for your girlfriend.

    Can you tolerate the drinking and the associated behaviour that comes with it , or is it too much to handle. She has to make the decision to stop or look for help, you cannot pressure her into it in any way, that is only a waste of energy for you, emotionally and physically.

    If she decides on her own to stop, then is the time for you to support her and you will need all the strength you have to help her overcome her addiction.

    It may seem hard for me to say this to you but, ask yourself, is this what I want to do with my life and do I love her enough to do it?

    Answer yourself honestly.

    My husband is still drinking and I made this decision years ago, please think seriously about it, you sound young, and you still have your full life ahead of you. I wish you well. Dusty

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  • Posted

    :cry: :oops: :x :evil: I cant believe what I did last night!!!!! I am a complete ALCOHOLIC!!!!!And I am putting my family through completehell!!!! That all makes me feel really bad....and then cause iI feel so bad...I want a drink!!!!!I hate looking in the mirror, I hate that I have 2 beautiful children, and this IS ME!!!!I hate me!!!!I hate everything about me , I hate ho people look at me like I am a complete freak, I hate how my partner just lies on the couch...al he needs to do is dribble.,,,I hate how I am this way!!!! This is not the way I should be!!!!!! At my age I should know better, at my age I should have a good job, be able to drive, ay my age I should be getting married and driving. At my age I should be much more level!!!!!At my age I should be able to enjoy life!!!!!If I cant drink I am a complete misery...If I cant drink , I dont eat, and blah blah blah, Anyway, :evil: me decide to give my partner a taste of his ownmedicine. tHIS WAS WRONG He is 5 stone heavier than me. he did not hit me back though, which is quite amazing. Then again he is less violent when he is pised!
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  • Posted

    Hi, Kevin.

    I met my then girlfriend 17 years ago and we married two years later. When i met her she was drinking socially virtually every night. I hardly drunk at all. We moved in together i gradually got sucked in to drinking the same. We ended up drinking 6 to 12 pints of cider every night for the last 14 to 15 years. I realised what we were doing was wrong and several times i tried to get us to give up drinking as things were going wrong,ie; bills not getting paid, our daughter not being looked after properly, arguments etc: but she always had an excuse for drinking so i used that as an excuse not to give up myself.

    The difference between us was that i knew that not everything was alright. Anyway, the upshot was that she walked out on me and our daughter at the end of september to live with another alchoholic whose flat has more drink than a pub. Since december 10 my only drink has been 1 glass of wine with my christmas dinner and it hasn't been a struggle. My wife is now downing spirits all day.

    The only things i can say to you are from a previous reply and ask yourself if you love her enough to fight it out to the bitter or happy end? I had no say in the matter but i can honestly say that i am much more content now, and my daughter says that she will never drink because of what her mum is going through. Your other half needs to get help or counselling to sort out the demons in her head, but before she does that she has to give up drinking. Maybe you should try AL-ANON even if it is for your own sake.

    I hope you have a happy ending, but whataver happens, good luck in the future and look after yourself because you are no use to anyone if you don't. Once again ,good luck.

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  • Posted

    :oops: :P :oops: :twisted: :twisted: :twisted: :twisted: :twisted: :twisted: :twisted: :twisted: :D :x :cry: :wink: :twisted: I NEED A DRINK!!!!!!!HELP! NOW!!!!! SOMEONE PLEASE GIVE ME A DRINL, I HABE HAFD IT UP TO MY EYEBALLS, I NEED IT TO BE THE SUMMER, I HATE WINTER1 IS THERE ANYONE THERE????? ITS SUNDAY, I CANT HAFE A DRINK, IAM NEVER GOING TO GET BETTER IF I HAVE A DRINK!!!!!!!
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  • Posted

    :shock: Such a bad experience last night. I need help, i kniow I have a drink problem, I cant manage this on my own. I hate my partner judging me for drinking, I hate the fact that he used to drink drink drink and leave alone in rented accomodation with his 2 children and looking after his deaf father (who he adores)....Kiss the gound- my fathers in hte house attitude.

    I hate the fact I cant eat, I cant sleep I take laxatives, I cant get out of bed after half a bottle of wine, My body aches, my muscles sore. i have to clean cook and put the rubbisdh out. If I want anything , like a sofa , a tv, a rug,, i have to work for it and then save save save...thats fine, that stops me drinking, but there is no love here. This man does not love me. Notone little bit,.. it helps for mre to write this down, and this man has really really hurt me. If he was more grown up, if he cared more about his children if he had any ideea, of if hed just listen to me - he would move out this house.

    I don twant to say what happened last night- to cut a very vicious incident short I collapsed in the toilet. he found me, eventually, and carried me to the spear room, where he dumped me at the bottom of the bed. ( I think I was happier laying dead on the toilet floor. I cant bear his hands near me, never mind touching my body.

    He plays goodi toooshoe daddy, he stashes money away, he accuses me of being mental, of being an alcoholic, of having an eating disorder, of being a crap mum.

    Ive told my mum all of it, but she continues to ignore me - she talks to him and thinks he fond of me, and thereefoe he is right, it is me going round the bend. She gave birth to me, she brought me up. I stood by her and held her hand when my grandad died , when her sister was dying. I evemn put up my own sister to help her get started inlife(which caused endless problems)- I have 2 lovely children, yet I see no point in getting out of bed. Ive been to the doctors, too scared to go back -dont realy want to discuss the true unloved feelings, the lack of support, the shame the guilt and the desperation I feel, i would rather stick my head down the ttoilet pan,

    I dont want to be touched,if anyone touch esme Ill freak, and I mean freak, F***** touch me, and I will throw these pills down my gob - and hope that they actaully will work (Sorry children).

    I dont know if any of you choose to read this, and I am not here to upset any of you- do bear in mind that whilst alcohol is an addictive,, that people tend to down the, legal, of the shelf stuff because they really do not want to feel the pain. Its a nasty vicious circle, it destroys famililes, I should know, my own father drank. But I have not got out of my dressing gown, i dont even feel hungover. I cant play with my children, they are off out with the neighbours playing. They are the only people in the world I want to be close to, but he takes them out, and often ndoes not tell me where he is going. Then I am here left to clean whatever up.

    I am desperate, lonely, but really dont want to admit to anyone how bad I feel. I also know of people who drink 3 times more than me, yet are happy carrying on and functioning. I dont know what to do.

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