Hope at the end of the tunnel

Hi my name is Rhonda and I'm a 39 year old suffering from health anxiety. I've been suffereing from helath anxiety for almost 4 years now. It all started when I lost a very close friend due to a blood clot in the leg. I started feeling as if I was unable to breath. I wa constantly in and out of the ER. I even called the ambulance on several occasions. I would stay up all night thinking if I fell asleep that I would never awaken. It took me 3 yrs to find out that I was suffering from panic attacks. Although maintainable at one point. It all went down hill when I relocated out of town. I guess the move was too much for me to bear and it took a tole on my mind, body, and soul. I started not sleeping staying up all night, seeing things that wasn't there and on top of that everything that went wrong with me I associated with some sort of terminal illness. When I went to the dr they diagnosed me with PTSD, depression, and anxiety. They gave me all sorts of medications. One for sleeping, another for the depression , and one for anxiety. I vowed to never take the medicine but what could it hurt so I took a 10mg of lexapro. I woke up in the middle of the night screaming as if I was dying, these strange zapping feelings through out my body and I've never been the same since. I woke up the next day which was fathers day of last yr June 15th, 2014 with this nausea feeling. I wasn't sure if it was my head or my stomach. I went to the dr they said I had vertigo but it lasted over a month. My life started being consumed by fear and dr/ER visits. I started having panic attacks  more and more. I couldn't take it anymore. .I thought I was dead. Not because I was dying but because I had stopped living. I have already been out of work for almost a yr and the last straw was when I had the attacks back to back over and over again. I called an ambulance where they took me to the hospital but of course nothing was wrong. I made a promise to myself that things were going to change. To my surprise it wasn't the panic attacks that got me it was the physical symptoms affialiated with the panic attacks. Then I started get really bad headaches, stomach pains, hurting of the eyes, blurred vision, numbness and tingling feeling over my whole body. I started having chest pains, racing & pounding of the heart. I started looking up my symptoms on google of course bad idea. I thought I had brain tumors, blood clots in my leg, heart attacks, stomach cancer and everything negative that you can possibly think of. I stayed having numerous EKG's, eye appoints, going to GI specialist, multiple x-rays and all. I thought that there is noway that all these physical symptoms I was having was like side effects from the anxiety or the pill. I wasn't sure.  I started back googling things that I was experiencing and going throught but this time I was only looking for positive stories. People who had overcame what I was goig through and who do I overcome it. I changed my eating habits , started exercising, cognivitive behavior, and meditiation, and lots of praying. I told myself if I can get through this that, I would share my story and here I am. I walked at least every other day, I stayed away from caffiene. I started taking long hot baths and eating right. This was not something that changed over night but 10 months later I can actually say that I'm in a better place now. From time to time I do experience the same feelings and I get to a point where I want to give up but I've come such a long way that I refuse to. I've cried many of nights and I said to myself I'm only depressed because of the things of my health issues. I was hallucinating only because I wasn't getting any sleep. My anxiety keep going because I was feeding into it. The best way I can put it is anxiety is like a bully. It will keep fighting you, and fighting you as long as you;'re giving in...but the moment you start to fight back is when it goes away. I'm no dr and I'm pretty sure what works for me may not work for you but as long as you can see that you can get over it and there is life at the end of the tunnel. It may take time but I promise at the end it's worth the wait. I've started back working, I'm sleeping better at night, and no more seeing things that's not there. Staying strong and a good support system is a start. I hope all is well and always sending prayers to everyone.

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