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Horrible Thoughts & Topsy Turvy days

Posted , 2 users are following.

Guest
Guest

Hi,

Having read posts by other Fluoxetine takers it is somewhat reassuring to hear how other people are having similar feelings and thoughts to me......at first I felt like I was alone in all this but just reading a post that describes my actions is a real comfort smile

I have been suffering from depression for around 20 weeks and been taking Fluoxetine for the last 9-10 weeks. At first I had side effects that I could handle: no appetite, dodgy stomach and inability to sleep. I lost almost 2 stones in weight as a consequence of the stress caused by depression and have since gained some back.

However, I learnt the hard way that it is a terrible idea to drink alcohol while taking these tablets. I awoke the next day having missed my tablet and had the hangover from hell……this is when the first suicidal and harming thoughts came into my head. It was as though my brain was looking for a way to escape the pain. I locked myself in my bedroom so as to prevent myself from doing anything I may regret or harming those I love. That was around the 27th of December 2008, I have not touched alcohol (nor will I again) until I feel the time is right and I can handle the outcome.

The main problem that I have noticed is that no two days are the same, one day I will wake up on a high and bounce around the office like im on ecstasy, the next day I might sit at my desk with my iPod on and not talk to a soul through fear of what they might say or ask me to do. Suicidal thoughts have entered my head on several occasions (at home and at work), somehow I have managed to push them from my mind so as to not give in to them and do something drastic.

I have avoided public places, feared public transport and switched from a happy-go-lucky socialite to a recluse who rarely sees his friends and avoids family frequently.

I now realise that this is somewhat normal and as hard as that is to accept, I simply do.

I tried on so many occasions to explain it to my fiancée how I thought and felt but it seemed to go straight over her head and she stared blankly at me. Certain family members have simply responded with \"oh snap out of it, there are people far worse off than you in the world\"....this has only made me worse.

My fiancée has since been researching more and found a website that helps her to understand me better and therefore help me get through this positively. For those of you who haven't seen it, its depression.com

The main point I wish to emphasise is that as hard as this is to deal with, I feel there is a light at the end of the tunnel. With counselling and support from close friends and family, I will get through this and make life worth living once more – I hope other sufferers feel the same.

But now I feel so much better that there are wonderful people such as yourselves out there willing to share their feelings with me and hope this continues so that we all get to see the same result – happiness and peace with ourselves.

0 likes, 28 replies

28 Replies

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  • Guest
    Guest

    Posted

    MMP, glad I could make you laugh. :lol:

    enjoy your lunch, i need to go back to work now.

  • Hightower
    Hightower

    Posted

    Hi MMP and NC,

    Just thought id see how your weekend went - hopefully well and nothing horrible happened?

    MMP, Have you gone back to work today? How are you finding it if you have (although the snow may have prevented it)?

    NC, THings going well in your camp?

    I had a good weekend, went away for my fianceés birthday saturday, down Dorking /Reigate way just to clear our heads. Was cold but fresh and loved it thoroughly.

    Wished the weekend lasted longer but being a temp, no work = no pay so had to try and get in today.

    Hope you guys are well and look forward to seeing you on here again soon.

  • Meganpooch
    Meganpooch

    Posted

    That's spooky HT - just thinking i hadn't heard from you for a while (yes, it's only 2 days i know).

    Had a good weekend but scared myself in the car Friday night speed wise. A loss of concentration i hope. Out and about on Saturday. Shopping etc didn't feel odd which is good.

    Last night was cr*p thinking about work but got up at 7am. looked out of window and so much snow. Didn't make it to work. They closed the office at 1pm anyway due to the weather.

    I don't know if tomorrow will be any better as it still hasn't stopped snowing. My estate road is impassable without a shovel!

    Glad you had a good weekend. It certainly was a bit bracing.

    Keep in touch :D

  • Guest
    Guest

    Posted

    hello both,

    weekend was ok actually, i had a moment of clarity on sunday and got loads done, was amazing. i didnt make it into work on monday cos the snow prevented me, was a nice unexpected day off. the clarity started slipping away yesterday though and now its left me feeling frustrated. sad

    this sudden clarity made me realise there are so many different levels to this depression, so many different states we can be in without realising until the state changes.

  • Hightower
    Hightower

    Posted

    Hi Meganpooch,

    Hows things today, the weeks seem to be flying by.

    Glad you had a good weekend, as per usual these things go too fast and next thing you know its monday and work is looming.

    Do you know when you are returning to work as yet? I was wondering if you may be heading in today (Wednesday). Good luck if you are and let us know how you get on.

    Feel a bit down today - i find that if i have a terrible nights sleep then i wake up feeling like cr@p and all sorts of thoughts enter my head...im wondering if the flu is working as effectively as has in the past. Might be time for a doctors visit.

    Hope everyone who reads this is well, would be good to hear new experiences soon.

  • Guest
    Guest

    Posted

    hi HT,

    I wonder the same. I have a doc appointment tonight so I will tell them about the terrible downs I am still getting periodically and see if she can suggest anything.

    Sitting at work, willing the day away..

    NC

  • Hightower
    Hightower

    Posted

    Hey NC,

    I am the same - at work wishing the day would just be over...ONLY 3 hours to go!

    Can you let me know what the docs says i.e. if this is normal cos im getting a bit more depressed thinking i'll never been normal again.

    Hope u are well besides?

  • Guest
    Guest

    Posted

    HT,

    Yes I will let you know what she says. In the meantime, I think I need a cuppa tea and a muffin!

    Its so good to know you are out there somewhere going through similar things, I mean its comforting, I would not wish these feeling upon anybody but at least we know we are not alone!

    Told my boyfriend about this forum, I dont think he quite gets why I talk on here but he is happy as long as its helping me.

    Right time to boil the kettle. . .

  • Hightower
    Hightower

    Posted

    NC,

    I totally agree......i am happy in the knowledge I am not alone in my battle but similarly wouldnt wish this upon my worst enemy!

    Ive literally just been to the supermarket and bought 10 jam donuts and made a cuppa for my department at work...made me smile.

    Thanks for your reply - i hope to hear from you again soon. Good luck at the doctors.

  • Meganpooch
    Meganpooch

    Posted

    Hi HT and NC

    Have started a new post 'mixed blessings'. This one is getting too long. smile

  • Guest
    Guest

    Posted

    I also started a new one. about doc doubling my dose.

    x

  • Guest
    Guest

    Posted

    well i have depression on and off for about 4 years now. I get it about every 2 years, i dont understand people when they say \"stap out of it\" if they had depression it would not be that easy to do \"stap out of it\". God i wish i just could \"stap out of\". My grandad said once to me grow up. Anyway my GP has just put me on these fluoxtine and dont know what to expect can anyone tell what it is going to like i dont now about u lot but i had to take a test to see how bad my depression is what that about. I hate myself being like this and i have to tell my boyfriend i am sick agian and unsure how he will take it as we have only been toether just an year and half. :?
  • Guest
    Guest

    Posted

    Hi Donna,

    Sounds like no one has been very supportive, it must be difficult. I hope your boyfriend understands, the more you discuss it the better informed he will be and will be able to understand more.

    I hope Fluoxetine works for you. I have had depression on and off for years too and only started taking anti deps in october. They are starting to help a little now. Not everyone gets bad side effects but you might get some, have a read of the other posts to get an idea of what to expect.

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