How are some people generally happy most of the time??

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My husband is one of these people and I am glad for him and I'm grateful he is like this, however I'm so different, I'm generally anxious all the time. I feel like it's because of how I was raised, my mom had always been anxious and still is today, I've always been close with her. My husband and I have been having marriage problems because I guess I bring him down. He is very adventurous and willing to take risks and while I wish I was that way as I get older (I'm 33, he's 37) I really feel like I need stability as a priority. We moved across the country a couple years ago away from all family and my anxiety had gotten steadily worse ( it's something he has wanted and I went along t make him happy because he plead the case that it would help our marriage). I'm trying really hard to focus on being grateful. My mind always goes to worries but I am trying. It's so much harder than I'd have ever thought. Any tips?

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  • Posted

    Dealing with the root anxiety is really the only way. It won't disappear on its own. Therapy is generally the only way to resolve issues, some people use meds, but they are only a short term help while the main issues are dealt witg

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  • Posted

    I know just how you feel, I suffer in exactly the same way.. I find myself pretending all the time.this often works and I have become a bit of a clown which also helps.  It does come back unfortunately and my battle starts again.  Heyho nobody said life would be easy, but I often wish that I was not knocked down so easily.  I don't know if any of this helps but sometimes it just helps to know you are not alone.

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  • Posted

    I completely agree with Jmcg and couldn't have said it better myself!

    In response to your question: "how are some people generally happy most of the time?" - well, for a start I think it is important to remember that we are all different. Our personalities, fears, worries and behaviour will differ from person to person and because of this, I generally try not to compare myself or my behaviour to that of other people's.

    I think the belief that others cope better will only add to my own problems and make me feel worse... Plus, I have no real proof that they DO deal with things better.

    For instance, my partner is perhaps one of the calmest and contented people you could meet...but I also know that he internalises most of his anxiety and so for him it comes out in different ways.

    Some people may appear to function well on a day to day basis, but we all have something or some behaviour that we do which hinders us. I do not believe that anyone is perfect, nor are they perfectly happy 100% of the time.

    we tend to take people on face value, I think. I have done it many times; assuming someone is cool, calm and content only to be surprised by the truth of their situation in some way.

    I know someone who can meet you and be all smiles, bouncy and full of life only to go home and sob their heart out because they feel inadequate and struggle to deal with their own situation....you never know.

    We all have our face for the outside world, it's just that same of these faces are stronger than others.

    Don't compare yourself to others, lookingforhope smile it is a losing game and will not help you in the long run.

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  • Posted

    My partner is like that, he does have his down days and did suffer from depression however he's never been anxious as such.

    I agree that you have to deal with the root of the issue. I have just started Citalopram after putting it off for so long, but I need that boost in order to help me help myself. Medication is good as an aide, but it still requires work from within to conquer the underlying issue.

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  • Posted

    It is HARD. Especially struggling with emotional illnesses, such as anxiety and depression. I just "lied" to myself for a while. "I'm fine." "I'm happy." until one day, I just WAS. I started FORCING myself to find the positive things when things got negtive. Some days will be harder than others, but it can be done! smile Find a hobby you love! & focus on it! smile 

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  • Posted

    Thank you all, it does help to know I am not alone smile I do seem to be sobbing my heart out a lot lately and trying to keep it secret from my husband (he just feels like I'm never going to change and will always be worried and sad about something) and everyone really, feeling like one day I will crack and lose everything. I'm so overwhelmed with everyday life. I just started a new job to get away from a super stressful job I had (was so happy to get away) and now as I start to see how much work it's going to be to learn this new job I'm starting to get just as stressed as before and I'm feeling like this is never going to end. I just want a break so bad but there is no break. I have to figure out how to cope and I've tried medication and therapy, both help but I think I need to focus on faking it til I make it and also getting hobbies that take my mind off things. I don't really have any hobbies currently (except worrying, ha). Thanks again for all the comments, they do help.

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