How can I change an uneasy feeling towards a guy?

Posted , 3 users are following.

So I have this friend. I'm a girl and he's a one year older than me boy. We met on a camp where I usually act a bit differently than usual, since it's only a week long and then we became kind of friends, he started writing with me nearly every day. He reads a lot and is generally very smart, creative and open-minded, he's also an introvert who was being bullied as a kid and doesn't have many friends. I really like him as a friend. BUT, whenever I think about him or have to respond to a message he wrote, I suddenly get this anxiety ball in my stomache, my hands start sweating cold, I feel my arms numb and tingly and sometimes a bump in my throath. It feels awful and paralyzing. I don't want to feel like that whenever I have to chat with him, any suggestions how can I maybe change that feeling? I generally don't feel good,beautiful, smart or interesting enough around him and I feel he has a wrong idea about who I really am so I feel uneasy sharing my real thoughts sometimes. I even started ignoring him for a while, trying to escape the uneasy feeling but then started to chat with him again. Even now as I write this I feel very uneasy and as if I am scared. I don't know what to do, but he is a really nice person. I just feel he looks at how people look too much sometimes, and I am not the best-looking person certainly, right now I am a bit overweight and have acne all over me. I just feel bad around him.This is not an anxiety disorder, I reckon, and I am sorry if this is not the right place to post this..I would just like to be friends with him without this strain and...yeah, any ideas?

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8 Replies

  • Posted

    JUST BE YOUR SeLF, DON'T OVERThink. I think your over thinking the situation that's why you feel like that.

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    • Posted

      You don't know that. If he found you boring then he will never become your friend. Well I just know that over thinking can pevent you from being you. Just go with the flow. If he does not like you he tell you. Don't let your mind play tricks. I read somewhere the one who can control his or her thoughts can control their destiny.

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    • Posted

      That must be true indeed. Thank you, now I feel a bit better. I should be myself, while also trying to grow at my own pace and get a better person..that is what I think. I should focuse more on what is possible and..just have fun together, I guess. I will try to go with the flow more and not focuse on bad feelings..thank you. smile 

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  • Posted

    Why don't you just think of him as " someone who struggles as he was bullied as a child, is introverted, maybe a bit nerdy and just happens to be nice looking. but he found in you someone he could relate to. And you were someone he could talk to and feel comfortable.....

    So, why don't you just look at it like that?  like, you just want to be friends anyway, and he is just talking and expressing himself to you, and you could be really a good friend to him. Perhaps if you just do not think about yourself at all, but think about him and his problems, then you will take the focus off of yourself and be more comfortable. It sounds like you are putting the strain on yourself, not him. who knows, in the meantime, you just might start eating healthier, taking care of yourself, and you all can support each other......   good luck to you.  you sound like someone i would want to be a friend with, too. and don't judge him for saying things about how people look. you know sometimes guys just say that stuff because they think they are supposed to......really...

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    • Posted

      Gee, thanks for you reply. I know that we all have reasons for everything we do , so I try not to judge anyone for anything. I became a bit more comfortable as I changed my focus to other things. Thank you. ~~
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  • Posted

    It is really simple : if he talks to you, it means that he is intrested in you, that he likes you and wants to know more about you. There is nothing to be scared about.

    The most important thing is to be youself. If you act like someone else, you will never be comfortable in relationships with other people.

    I will tell you a quick story about myself

    I have met an older boy two years ago. He was kind of a different kid, listened to diffrent music for example. Although I liked most of the things he shared with me I didn't really had my own opinion about anything, I was too scared.

    I started sharing my real thoughts with him long after we started going out. And I could see the astonishment in his eyes. He was really fine with my opinions and the things I like and don't like. Turns out than on some things we are two poles apart. Does it change our relationship? Not at all.

    So please stay true to yourself, wish you all the best

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    • Posted

      Hey. I'm happy that it turned out good for you after all. I am going to accept that what you said is true, that he wouldn't be talking to me if he wasn't at least a bit interesed. And also, yes, I kind of try to stay true to who I am. Thanks for the message! Wish you all the best!

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