How can I get help
Posted , 7 users are following.
I have had bad depression most of my life and have in the main fought through with medication.
I've been on quite a lot over the years.
I've never had therapy because I can't face it ( I know my causes are genetic/ horrible chikdhood/ no loving parents/physical health issues and financial difficulties). I don't need that pointed out. No amount of talking will make any of that different.
I also am coming to terms with knowing I will never be a mum. I always thought I didn't want children because I was afraid I would be like my mum. Now I'm pretty much past it and not physically or mentally up to it. But I feel I'd love to have a family now and my husband would be a wonderful dad.
This time round after struggling for several years ( just managing to keep my job and staying in bed the rest of the time) things are worse and anxiety and insomnia are adding to it.
After waiting 6 months to get referred to the community mental health clinic, I was basically told I was on a good antidepressant so I should be getting better. Few months down the line I finally couldn't leave the house because I'm sobbing and throwing up and want to die. I'm now jobless for the first time in my life.
I've been so bad that I can't even make phone calls or see the GP a lot of the time- they don't seem to understand- just give me tel no for self referral for counselling etc.
My husband saw my GP to insist on an urgent referra in Februaryl and I have only just got my appointment, to the same place.
I don't have many close friends or family, and as you can imagine they are already doing things for me. My poor husband has a demanding job and is working hard to keep us afloat financially and practically at home.
Finances are terrible ( I only got SSP) now I need to apply for benefits and I can't face the form and there is NO WAY I will go to a job centre or wherever.
I'm too good at putting on a front when I really have to, why don't the professionals see through it?
I'm not on any meds now as nothing was helping and my GP actually said she "didn't know what to do with me". I was hoping a clean slate might be beneficial and I've lost all faith in meds. Even when I've been on a good one, it never lasts permanently and there are contraindications with my other health issues.
My GP is so risk averse ( is everyone afraid of being sued!!??) I don't even get given anything strong for sleep or to help to just get out the house to appointments. I feel its been so cruel to leave me in so much distress for so long.
I'm sorry for the rambling post, but I'm alone all day with all this in my head.
I really want to ask if anyone knows if there is any kind of advocacy service, maybe with one of the charities? I need someone to speak on my behalf and fight for some help because I don't know how much longer I can go on, and my poor husband can't do it all. I can't call people or go to appointments when I physically can't stop crying, shaking and sweating.
Any thoughts greatly appreciated.
Sunny Dee x
2 likes, 25 replies
Specteacher44 Sunnydays79
Posted
tess33005 Sunnydays79
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Ring the Samaritans and ask them about advocacy services. You can also, of course, talk about what is troubling you.
Also, change GPs. Either see a different one in the same surgery or transfer toa completely different surgery.
And......................I have yet to hear anyone say anything useful to patients who use mental health services. Message tomorrow - I'm mad busy right now, but am thinking of you. Love Tess
maria_1963 tess33005
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laura08496 Sunnydays79
Posted
anyhow, i take alot of psych meds. six different ones. can you believe that? i feel like i am a walking pharmacy. and i see my therapist twice a week. and a shrink once a month. these people have saved my life. i'm sorry you haven't found a combination of meds that would help you feel better. they do exsist. but it took years to finally find the right combo. and i used to hate talk therapy. i would always come up with some dumb excuse to get out of going. that was years ago. i now have a good therapist. it took me years to like her. now, i love her. so what i am saying is, sometimes it takes forever to get better. but i am finally there, after a LOT of suffering. i am doing the best i can with what i got. you should call ' catholic charities '.....i believe they will have a lot of ideas, and suggestions for you. you know, maybe they'll give you some phone numbers, or maybe they will even help you make the calls. i truly know how you feel. you need assistance....and you are looking for it. good for you girl. i know it's hard, but you are going in the right direction. god bless you honey, and good luck!! truly, laura
Sunnydays79 laura08496
Posted
Just wanted to say Hi, and thank you for replying. It really sounds as though you understand quite well!
Even when a partner is willing to support you, it's not what anyone wants is it?
Do you feel bitter about the child thing? I think I kind of do now. Feels like I never even allowed myself to consider it and now I feel jealous and resentful about everyone starting families. I hate that I've become bitter and resentful of a lot of things.
I've never been materialistic in any way- but now all I can see is how unlucky I've been not to have any advantage of upbringing or education ( I got my qualifications such as they are myself as an adult). Having money would mean the removal of huge stresses and I fantasize about being able to check myself into the best psychiatric hospital in the world! How's that for a lotto winning dream eh?!
I do have to remind myself that I do have true love and that makes me very lucky as many people don't have that.
My mum has been ill. We don't have a good relationship ( she's someone who should not have had kids I'm afraid!) and even while I cared and did stuff for her she was still so cruel to me. I wasn't quite cheerful enough for her you see. Well jeese, I cancelled jumping in front of a bus to look after you today so maybe give me little leeway if I'm not laughing like a hyena?
Anyway I came to the conclusion that when she dies, I won't mourn her, but the mother I never had. It's so sad. She knows she screwed me and my siblings up but has made no real attempt to address anything and I've finally got so ill now that I'm too exhausted to carry on the pretence of having any kind of normal relationship. 7 months since I broke down and stoped working. Phone calls and offers of help from my mother? Zero.
And that's completely expected and normal for her.
How can that not mess you up.
Sorry to go on again. I hope you are well.
I have an appointment tomorrow, I hope I can get there and get something from it.
Take care
Sunny Dee x
laura08496 Sunnydays79
Posted
sunny, you are a sweet and funny person. i hope you've got people in your life to appriciate you. you deserve it!
i hope your "apointment" went well, and i am sure you got something from it, even if its subliminal and will pop out of you at a later time!
take care honey, truly, laura
p.s., i forgot to mention, i am kinda bitter for not being raized in a manor that i would enjoy life. have everything i need.
so i do have problems with people my age having grandchildren and retirement plans!....and i still wonder about my future. man, some people dont know how great their lives are. well, good luck to you always!
Sunnydays79 laura08496
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Yes I relate to lots of stuff. For me I never got a bra! No one noticed and wow I needed one 😄 My first bra was a grey threadbare cast off from a friend, oh happy memories.
I'm sorry you have problems from shock treatments. Is it awful that I'd love it if they'd give it a go on me? I'd try anything.
There is really hopeful research gone on at Imperial College London into magic mushrooms actually CURING depression for months/ years with a single dose. Of course drugs companies and government are not keen because of lost revenues and bloody hell someone might have fun.
No my appointment wasn't very helpful but I said a bit more than before, but probably not enough.
I feel frustrated that I'm not one of those amazing people who come from a rubbish background but are so fabulous and strong they turn their pain into greatness!
Then I think, hang on, I could have turned into a drug addict, alcoholic, criminal or abuser or serial child producer! But I didn't I tried hard and worked hard for 20 odd years to be a good and worthwhile person. It's just that now I'm just really really tired.
Hope things lift for you Laura xx
hypercat Sunnydays79
Posted
You don't at this stage certainly, have to go to a Jobcentre. What you need to do is ring the contact centre to put in a claim for ESA (sickness benefit). You will then need to get a sick note from your doctor. If you have been working for the last 2/3 tax years you should be able to claim contribution benefit and this doesn't depend on any other income coming into the household. You might not get both SSP1 and ESA but apply anyway.
Look on the Govt site. Just google this and it will come up. There is lots of info on there about different benefits and how to apply for them. x
Sunnydays79 hypercat
Posted
I'm sure talking would be beneficial if I could only get myself there. I went to a counsellor ONCE years ago and all I remember is sitting in a tiny room saying nothing because I was so uncomfortable and it was nothing like in the movies- no kindly professor asking gentle questions. Just ' So why are you here?' Then silence.
I find it hard to take in any info at the moment, reading about benefits etc leaves me none the wiser and terrified of all the forms and mentions of assessments and 'job clubs'?! My God ! Right now I can't imagine ever working again. I've worked for 21 years.
Thank you again for your input, it's really appreciated.
hypercat Sunnydays79
Posted
You have around 3 months usually before you are called for an assessment so don't worry about that. You only have to go to a job club if you are on JSA or if after the assessment you are put in the work group for ESA. Again this won't be for ages yet if at all. Don't get too far ahead of yourself and only think abou the next step along the line.
If you are unable to leave the home a counsellor should be able to come out to you. x
hypercat Sunnydays79
Posted
Also because I don't live with a man (or woman) either (can't cope with relationships), I suffer from people having sly digs at me who are determined that I must be a lezzie then. I play darts twice a week including tonight and I got this from the other team who all laughed at the 'joke'. It of course makes my depression worse but no one ever says anything to my face so I can't challenge it. I am thinking of giving up my life long passion of darts and I know now why many women my age on their own don't go out socially any more. x
patricia44773 hypercat
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Patxxxx
hypercat patricia44773
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It's something I will have to think about but not going to leave right now. Thanks Pat I appreciate your reply. Bev xx
maria_1963 hypercat
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laura08496 maria_1963
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now, my dad lives down stairs from me, and he's disabled so i have to help him out. he calls me at least 5 times a day. and he insists that i see him every day. in almost 20 years, i've had maybe 3 days to myself with the flu. (he would call, but i didn't have to go downstairs and see him.), and i have a boyfriend, who has his own place, but he stays here day and night. i cant even put stuff away because he has brought over most of his stuff, and it has taken up most of my space. i have fought to get my independance back, its too late now. it's complicated to describe.....
but maria, enjoy your freedom as long as you possibly can. dont let anyone talk you into changing. i liked when you said," that big fat cow of a housekeeper was a nasty bitch!! you made me giggle. thank you for that!.... of course i love my dad and boyfriend..but i loved myself more in those short precious years. live your life, and be as happy you can, do whatever you want. thanks everyone for reading my stuff, and listening to me. i want to cry right now, but nothing comes out.....its hurts
maria_1963 laura08496
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patricia44773 laura08496
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There is nothing I can say to make anything better for you, but I just wanted you to know how much I feel for you. We all think that being alone is the most terrible thing....but that isn't always the case.
I hope things improve for you before too long.
Pat xxxx
laura08496 maria_1963
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maria, i don't think you are aware of how funny you are! i think if you and i worked together we would have a lot of fun. thanks for helping me grin! i owe you, i hope i'll help you laugh someday when you need it!
but of course i am not laughing at everything you wrote. as you, i am quite sensitive also. i hope things begin to look up for you, from laura xo
laura08496 patricia44773
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from laura xo
maria_1963 laura08496
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