How can I get my wife to listen and understand?

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I have struggled with depression for several years and was diagnosed with major depressive disorder about 3 years ago. I've been married for 17 years and we have 5 children. My wife and my family is a huge part of who I am but I feel like I am losing my relationship with my wife, mostly because of my depression and what feels like her inability or lack of desire to try to understand and help when I need it. How can I help her see that I can't just make up my mind that I'm going to be happy or make myself better and that I NEED her compassion and help to start to get better? I have had better times with my depression but I've also been hospitalized because I've had some pretty bad times with it. I can feel myself slipping again and am struggling with suicidal thought processes and self harming again and I can't talk to the one person that I desperately need to be able to talk to. Any suggestions? Is there something I can ask her to read that may help? 

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  • Posted

    Hi Joe,

    ​You and your wife need to find a support group for this.  Also, marriage counseling sounds like it might help.  I pray that she starts to understand more what you go through.  Please don't give in to the suicial thoughts or self-harming.  Your life is so important. You are here for a reason!  And walk, walk, walk!  It will help your depression

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  • Posted

    Hi I am sorry you are going through this as it's not easy is it.  There is lots of info available about depression on the web so maybe you can her to read some of it?  Or print some off and ask her to read it? 

    Many people with the best will in the world don't understand depression and your wife sounds like one of these.   One thing which does strike me is that maybe she does want to help but doesn't know how.  Have you ever told her how she can help you?   Tell her what you need from her and how she can best support you.  x

     

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  • Posted

    Hi Joe,

    I always think that depression is like an unwanted third person in a relationship - it interferes with a normal loving relationship so much. Now my closest friend finds my depression very frustrating: if I have a good week they think I am cured and then can't understand it if I have a bad few days. People like friends and family to behave in a predictable manner and depression throws a curve-ball into the game. As Hypercat says, communication is key: your wife still wants her needs to be met and you have a responsibility to let her know as honestly & gently as possible how she can support you. You are a team and you can overcome the depression together - the frustration is that your wife probably feels quite powerless to evict this uninvited guest. Work together and you can beat it!

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  • Posted

    After reading your thread I'm feeling so sad. 

    Really mate, You are in a complected situation. I think you need to try again and agin to understand her about your situation. In these case you can take help of your father in low and mother in low. As every child obey his/her father and mother that's it may a easy way to compromise her. 

    Have you tried it?

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