How can I overcome traumatic memories from the past? Proving very difficult?

The bloke isnt worth thinking about. Whats a bully going to amount to in life, bugger all. Get on with making a success of your own life. You may feel ashamed that you couldnt deal with him. Take up boxing or a martial art. Will give you confidence of being able to handle yourself, and him if you ever run into him again. I was a bit of a whimp at school, though never really bullied. Took up weight training, to the extent, that i dont need to back down, if confronted by someone. Im not a thug myself, but its quite empowering to know you can deal with certain situations.

Hi Adame,

I'm sorry you have these flashbacks, they are an awful way of reminding us of past pain. I would say this emotional flashback you talk of, obviously I could be wrong, seems to have got to a point where this specific flashback is recurring frequently? We can think of trauma in many different ways and over analyse as we become ever more hyper-vigilant in the present. Our memories can get jumbled and the brain at times can confuse us even though we are very sure of the specifics of the incident that occurred in the past.  

Fear from any thought process is fear and it is real for you, so I am sure no-one will tell you you are exaggerating this fear as it belongs to you. How we can over come is lengthy and not an overnight fix especially as it is recurring from an early age. What you may find is that this memory you are fixating on comes from other past fears and connects from them and with them. In other words, your fear was there way before this specific incident took place - and that's what you could look more closely at

A good schema therapist will take you through childhood experiences and explain why you have fixated on this specific fear. It takes time and there is no timeline or symbolic processes at work with this type of therapy as it is cognitive based, (but not CBT) it offers real help and healing and can be private or through your NHS service.

All I will add is that you alone can do this, your fears which are very real to you can be healed with time and therapy, which will give you clarity and confidence which all of us deserve. There are additional supplements that can help such as mindfulness, reading on different therapy disciplines that you think is best for you. In the meantime, try and be easy on yourself, go do some things you enjoy and be hopeful in knowing that people do care and also hopeful for you future as you go along the path of healing therapy.

p.s. there is a quick technique that schema therapy offers - find an object of your choice - when you feel fear, have the object in your hand and think of this reply and of the others that have been there for you and kind to you, this gives comfort in the moment. 

Take care 

Hey ahaha I used to do this... I used to get flash backs of when one of my bullies used to push me and ask me to fight her, I never would being a timid and NICE girl. She even done it to me at the top of a flight of stairs and I had to catch myself on the banister. She also pulled down my trousers and underwear in the middle of my town during a small local festival. I was maybe only 12 or so but it definitely scared me for quite some time. I woukd often imagine her pushing me. Sometimes I would feel intimidated just thinking about it. Other times I imagined I went nuts on her hahah. When I started my new school I was relived I would never see her but still thought about it. Last year while at the same yearly local festival I stood up to her when she tried to cause an argument between me and a new friend I had made. I stood right square in her face and said the words she had to me all those years. "Fight me, if that's what you want" just do it. I smiled and laughed as I said it inches from her and she started shouting and raving, but didn't once put her hands on me. Only when a bunch of people came running over to separate us did she start "swinging" I laughed and stood where I was and told her when she was done being held back here I was. And I wasn't going anywhere. Her friends took her away and they left. It was definitely amusing to Watch. Since then I havent worried or thought about her once, although I would kinda like a go at her again hahah.... this same thing happend me with two sisters a while after in a diffrent area. The girls boyfriend was insulting my father for no reason in town any time he would walk down the street they woukd shout at him. My brave brother knocked the guy out cold in the street one day but that's what got me into a confrontation with the girlfriend and her sister. They were sat at the bottom end of a feild down a lane way. And I was at the top of that feild with my friends when a guy came up to me laughing telling me the girls at the lower end said they were "after" me and we're planning to beat me up. (I need you to know I am not a fighter, lol at all) but you got to do what you got to do... so I told him to go back down and tell them if they wanted me, I'm right here.... we got into a fight that day. And I took them both on. I wouldn't say any of us "won" but I didn't run and hide and I didn't back down either. Since then my dad was free to walk down his own street in peace. And for that I am glad. Sometimes we gotta trust ourselves to have it in us when needed and just go with it. The only person you have is yourself so make it the best one :P

I was bullied at school, in fact all 3 schools by all different people. Never once did I stick up for myself. It always stays with you. I remember all their faces and names and my face burns to this day just thinking of how cowardly I was then. Now I am older and wiser and have gained the strength that comes with maturity and I know that nobody would ever treat me like that again, I just wish I had had that strength then to stick up for myself. I do believe in Karma though, and I am sure those bullies will get their just desserts in one form or another. Every time those bullies pop into your brain, try and put them out again. They really aren't worthy of your thoughts.

I was bullied a lot during childhood for my werid accent (a brit growing up in Canada) Only now getting to terms with it. It’s amazing how much power early memories have. I’m sure the person who was doing the bullying would now be ashamed of their actions. I have found it helpful to imagine my adult self guiding my child self through the memories. I hope you can find a way through this. 

Hi I think the fact you didn't stand up for yourself is a self esteem issue and I understand that coz I too was bullied at school.  It was only ever verbal bullying coz I was one of the tallest biggest girls in school and no one ever dared to take me on physically!  I would probably have run away if they had!

Nowadays while I have never actually been in a fight I do stand up for myself if I have to and make a point of it.  I have a look at the issues and whether it is really bothering me and if so I take action.  If it's not then I forget about it.  It is very important to pay attention to your self esteem.  x