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How do i beat this severe depression/anxiety

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billy54314
billy54314

Well its 3.51pm here in glasgow we are in the middle of a heat wave and im lying in bed typing this in the same shorts n tshirt ive had on for over a week. I cnt b bothered going out don't want to see anyone not eating anymore either breakfasts lunch hardly shower. Have no enthusiasm for anything not intrested in anything. My wife got so sick of me not knowing how to have fun or want anyone up to the house she left me now has a new partner only time im happy is seeing my kids but im even struggling to be fun for them now as well. I am sick of anti depressants they do not work i have tried them all and given them time to work if it wasnt for my 3 kids i wouldnt be writing this just now. I a have no qualifications havent worked in over 7 years right now almost every night i just cry and cry. Ppl tell you you need to just get out their i look fat and ugly and cant hold a conversation i have no friends except my 3 kids who i try as hard as possible to hide this horrible deppresion from. They are the only 1 thing that i got right in my life. And i feel so so selfish knowing theirs homeless ppl and babies dying in foreign countries and i am whinging about this i just feel like if i died i would have about 3 or r 4 ppl at my funeral because i push everyone away. I have a poisined brain its all negative thinking all the time i try to turn it into positives but cant. My emotions are everywhere just now 1 min im just numb ext min im at tears like i nearly am writing this i just want to enjoy life i am 32 years old I dnt even have any skills like how to play an instrument or anything are my kids going to think their dads a loser? Its the only thing im good at is bringing up my kids and the love they give to me is the only thing that keeps me hangin in their. Im gonna stop now im just upsetting myself more.

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  • Davesoapbox
    Davesoapbox billy54314

    Posted

    Hi Billy,

    sorry to hear about your situation, depression is a cruel illness because it can sap your will to exist. To be honest with you whilst everything looks so bleak right now there is one positive. Whatever you do to help yourself now is a positive. The trouble is motivation. If I may be bold and make a suggestion (feel free to ignore me) but you love your three kids passionately, how about you do three things a day for them. So for example today 1) go have a shower,shave etc 2) get dressed and sort the dirty washing 3) have something to eat and do the dishes. You don't want to do it but they want you to. Let them be the motivation to get you back on track, think how would they rather see their dad? If everyday you do three simple things for them before you know it you will have your pride back, be enrolled on an evening course or even a full time course. Three years from now you could look at the children you love so much and know they saved you and in doing so you are in a better position to be there for them. The journey out of the darkness is long and hard my friend but every step you take is a success you can be proud of.

    keep in touch I would love to hear from you again

    David

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    • rachel50098
      rachel50098 Davesoapbox

      Posted

      The 3 things a day for your kids idea is really good! I am struggling at the moment, but am keeping at it for my child. Feel a sense of achievement when I prepare a meal for him. I hope Billy finds some peace soon xx
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    • billy54314
      billy54314 Davesoapbox

      Posted

      I have tried stuff like that m8 does not really help just feel king of on the plannet physically but inside i am dead (if that makes sense) I am being a stronger person now thats 1 positive as i have turned to drugs before to block the pain of feeling so sh*t all the time which i have made a promise to myself i will not allow my kids to see their father as some down and out druggy just a hug from them makes me happy iwe go somewhere every week even if its just a walk but ussaly a bus journey to a park with a wee picnik dnt cost much just bus fares you know. Im ok with them because my minds kept active. Just so many people out their who just class deppression as weakness thats garbage. Funnily enough i done 6 months of a counselling hnd at college and know all about cbt psychoanylis. So il be suprised if counselling helps me. It is when the kids go so do i bk into myself just dnt wanna do nothing see no one talk about it. I just need cut a break somewhere along the line me to feel gappy look forward to waking up and it being a nice day plus im an insomniac so im up all night and yeah i feel sad saying it but its really lonely not in a way of people being around you but in a way of ppl not understanding it. Looking forward to seeing them on friday. Even my family dnt understand depression its such a cruel diseise.
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    • Davesoapbox
      Davesoapbox billy54314

      Posted

      Billy

      I understand you I truely do but I stand by the need to self motivate and it doesn't need to be much or even every day, im writing sat in a onsie under a blanket on my chair taking a chill day, yesterday I did some DIY. You are probably a wonderful friend to know and I wish I could be more than just words to help you right now but all I can do is try to ignight the spark in you. You said you started a counselling course well even though you felt it wasn't right at the time doesn't mean it isn't right now. Words in a book are nothing compared to experience and you have that. So if you think the books are wrong what would you do, what would you recommend to someone like yourself to help them? Sorry I'm a bossy pushy person but I believe in you, take care my friend and reply soon

      David

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  • Parkinsonswife
    Parkinsonswife billy54314

    Posted

    'The only thing I'm good at is bring up me kids'...??

    Just stop and think about that a minute, Billy. Do you have any idea how easy it is to take a perfectly good child and wreak their life? I suspect you do, yet you're not doing that - you're nurturing your children. That, my friend, has my deepest respect!

    It's your depression talking and telling you that you are a waste of breath; it's a liar and a thief, and you're being crushed by it. Forget about what you fear you're missing and concentrate instead on what you have - small steps, dude!

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    • billy54314
      billy54314 Parkinsonswife

      Posted

      Very kind words thank you it means a lot to me. It was tough before but easier with my wife but it was draining her and i was pushing her away.

      Without her its all the wee silly things i miss like the school run making their dinner together you know. I know i need to atop dwelling on it but its just added to the depression x10 especially when my oldest is her spitting image.

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    • Parkinsonswife
      Parkinsonswife billy54314

      Posted

      Just saying it how I see it, Billy. You need to get to that bottom of the 'why' at some stage (and with a professional), so you can learn to 'stretch', but for the moment, just concentrate on whatever simple (yet essential for 'functioning') tasks at hand - don't look further than you can reach. Love and care for the kids, get some preof. help in line, and be NICE to yourself. Above all, wait - breathe - be kind to YOU.
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