How do I get out of this state of mind?

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Hi everyone, how are you? I'm Shay. I'm 16-years old. And I have been diagnosed with depression 1.5 years ago. I went to a therapist but it was clear that she had no idea how to treat me. So I left and tried another therapist, I went to the intake and he said that I am 'far gone' and I should be on anti depressants and sleeping pills. Which I don't want because I know there's a 99% chance that when I get home crying from school I'll just kill myself if I know I have those supplements.

I got depressed for many different reasons, I don't want to go over them all so I'll go over the two main ones.

My Dad.

My dad committed suicide 3 months after I had my last chemo session due to leukemia. I never got over the fact that someone would rather hang themselves than to be in my life. It leaves me feeling worthless.

My friends

They are really complicated human beings. They punch me and act like they're mad at me as a joke because they like the way I react and am apologetic. It sucks because j know it's a joke but I apologize time on time again just in case I really did something wrong this time. At other times they are really nicest that makes it really hard to just leave.

There are plenty more valid reasons I can tell but it has no point. I have been thinking about telling my friends how I feel. But at my highschool it is seen as seeking attention. So I have been doubting if I really am depressed. Because I am happy sometimes, but my past just makes me feel lonely and worthless. I want to be normal and happy but I can't. Any advice? Sorry for this long story by the way, I kinda needed to get it out of my system

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  • Posted

    Hey lovely!! I'm so sorry to hear all of these things especially hearing you're only 16. You're so strong to have made it where you are and to come on here and tell your story. If you believe your friends are truly your friends, I believe you should tell them how you feel. If they truly are your friend, there should be no judgement!! I understand that's easier said than done but I believe in you! My high school turned depression into trying to get attention too. You need to ignore that I know it's hard but you can I promise, and nobody said you have to tell everyone about your health you are able to just confide in who you think can be there for you. If you truly don't have anyone you always have me or anyone on this site! My advice is to try and talk about it more, not necessarily with a therapist but with someone you can get close with. Hope this helps and feel free to message me my love! Xoxo

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  • Posted

    Hi Shay, I felt so sad reading your post,you must be feeling really confused,first of all you shouldn't think that your dad committed suicide because he didn't want to be with you, there could be a thousand reasons why he took this path, no-one will ever know why, so don't think that way ,you have friends that want to spend time with you,so you are liked. Are you close to one of them,can you not sit down and talk with one and tell them what your feeling? If you are depressed everything will feel ten times worse than how it really is,can you not speak to your mum? You shouldn't be worried about taking medication it can really help with your moods and eventually your sleeping, you won't have to take it forever if you don't want to, just for a while until you are able to cope with things better, keep posting on this forum,there is always someone who will listen to you and try to help you if they can, sometimes you just need to let off a bit of steam to feel a little better,please don't sit and worry yourself,your only young and you've got the world in front of you, you just need a little help and kindness at the moment, please try to speak to someone you feel comfortable with and remember we are always here on this forum xx

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  • Posted

    Sometimes our strange emotions are a normal response to abnormal circumstances. You are suffering for something that is outside you. Suffering for your physical illness and suffering because your Dad killed himself.

    It isn't wrong to have periods of happiness and it is hard not to feel a fraud because you have periods of happiness. Enjoy them and look for more.

    This is a 67 years old man who has never learnt to follow his own logic. In and out of depression since 14 years old. Yesterday I didn't dare to see my Grandchildren because I would start crying.

    There are no two ways about it, you deserve to be in pursuit of happiness and not be thinking that it would be unfaithful to your Dad's memory.

    Sometimes, people don't have the ability to stand against circumstances and they may, wrongly, think that the World and family would be better off without them.

    When that happens, you have to understand that their perception is so warped that they take their lives.

    I'm trying to say that I've been in that mindset and the most reasonable thing for me to do was kill myself.

    So.... If there's a bit of happiness going, grap it and (I know it sounds naff) but pass it on. People need people and that means that people need you.

    One day you'll look at the horrible times and maybe be able to guide someone through their horrible times.

    Good Luck.

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  • Posted

    Hi Shay - sorry to read of your situation. First of all, the pills are there to help you. They will balance out your mood and things will not seem so grey. You also need to to find a counsellor/therapist/psychologist who you can trust and who listens to you as you need to articulate what has happened and how you are feeling. There is no need to tell others if you feel threatened by how they might respond. Anyone dismissing how you feel should be ignored. One of the most damaging things a person in a depressed situation can hear is that you must "get over it." Such "advice" is dismissive and ignorant. Have you got a counsellor at school you can confide in?

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