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Hi everyone, how are you? I'm Shay. I'm 16-years old. And I have been diagnosed with depression 1.5 years ago. I went to a therapist but it was clear that she had no idea how to treat me. So I left and tried another therapist, I went to the intake and he said that I am 'far gone' and I should be on anti depressants and sleeping pills. Which I don't want because I know there's a 99% chance that when I get home crying from school I'll just kill myself if I know I have those supplements.
I got depressed for many different reasons, I don't want to go over them all so I'll go over the two main ones.
My dad committed suicide 3 months after I had my last chemo session due to leukemia. I never got over the fact that someone would rather hang themselves than to be in my life. It leaves me feeling worthless.
They are really complicated human beings. They punch me and act like they're mad at me as a joke because they like the way I react and am apologetic. It sucks because j know it's a joke but I apologize time on time again just in case I really did something wrong this time. At other times they are really nicest that makes it really hard to just leave.
There are plenty more valid reasons I can tell but it has no point. I have been thinking about telling my friends how I feel. But at my highschool it is seen as seeking attention. So I have been doubting if I really am depressed. Because I am happy sometimes, but my past just makes me feel lonely and worthless. I want to be normal and happy but I can't. Any advice? Sorry for this long story by the way, I kinda needed to get it out of my system
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