How do I help my partner with anxiety & rising alcohol dependency?

Hi,

I’m brand new here. I’ve found the site having done a google search for anxiety with symptoms of alcoholism.

To try and give you the full picture…

My wife has suffered from occasional anxiety and panic attacks for some years now. They seem to have subsided in recent years following some therapy but now they’re back and she has been showing worrying signs of using alcohol to cope with it.

She had been having bad stomach & chest pains up until recently which the doctor believes was from a potential stomach ulcer however before that diagnosis, the pains would trigger panic attacks which in turn would make the pain worse etc etc. She’s due an endoscopy later this week but the symptoms seem to have subsided to a large degree.

She’s currently on prescription pills to deal with the anxiety

Before kids she was a well respected graphic designer working on some quite well known magazines. We now have 2 children (aged 9 & 14) and she runs a small business from home and is alone most of the day which I think has caused her to feel somewhat lonely, worthless & lacking in purpose. She gets heavily involved in the PTA which she enjoys but often ends up being quite stressful.

We both like a glass or 2 of wine of an evening but recently her volumes have increased quite sharply.

A few months back I was looking for some stationary in her office and found 2 small empty bottles of Vodka and when confronted she admitted to having an occasional drink in the late afternoon before I got home from work or sometimes in the evening if she fancied ‘another one’ without feeling like I was judging her.

She assured me that it would stop and we discussed a few issues around that.

Just before Christmas I noticed odd things such as a bottle of wine that I was sure was left half full being emptier by mid-morning and while we were at their parents over Christmas, I was sure a bottle of gin had been left more full the previous evening, but I began to question my memory!!

When we got back after xmas I put a mark on a bottle of wine and when I looked the next day, the level was actually higher and a bottle of whiskey that I’d carefully closed the box of has now ajare so I confronted her and it all came out.

She seemed actually relieved that I’d noticed and admitted she needed help which we’re now making sure she gets via therapy and she says that due to all this she actually feels much closer now and is certainly being more affectionate and has assured me that no drink is hidden in the house and she promises to try not to drink secretively.

I had initially removed all the alcohol from the house in an attempt to remove all temptation but her therapist advised us that it wasn’t the right way of dealing with things and it had to come from ‘her’.

My problem now (apart from all the above) is that I keep looking for signs of her sneaking a drink and am very worried that, having lied to me and having been secretive about her drinking problems, she’ll continue to do so. And is she also lying about feeling closer to me & being more ‘huggy and affectionate’ in an attempt to put me off the scent so to speak. I’m paranoid that I can smell alcohol on her breath and when she goes upstairs for something of an evening I’m paranoid she’s sneaking a drink.

Last night I could have sworn that there was just half a glassful of wine left in a bottle but she managed to squeeze 2 out of it. I could also have sworn that I left a small glassful of gin in a bottle but I managed to get 2 out of it. Had she had some and watered it down?? I asked her but she denied any wrongdoing but remained quite calm which I thought a little strange.

I desperately want to feel like I can trust her and return to how it was. I don’t want to keep feeling like I should watch her with my suspicions but this has all left me feeling like the trust we had has been shattered and I’m feeling really very down about it. I don’t know where to turn or what to do for the best!

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