How do I overcome traumatic memory of uni lecturer who always looked down on me and insulted me?

I had similar problems. Looking back on life, I never had confidence in myself. When I entered the workforce, I had great bosses in the first jobs in my life. The last few...I had harsh and negative feedback or no feedback from my bosses.

I felt like a failure..no confidence...worried...cried going to work. It is a serious problem...and I can relate.

Lacking confidence, causes worry and anxiety. These emotions actually do make it harder to do your best. Several things helped me.

1. I learned to listen to co workers!

   I hope you have co workers to help you by confirming that the boss is tough, unfair or whatever you would describe him as being. It really helped to have co workers that had my back!

2. I began to look for another job....and did I did get another job after taking it for a few years. Ended up with another boss that was demeaning. But in that job...I was also well liked by co workers who complimented my work and ethics. Again....co workers helped a lot!
3. Current job...I got lucky. I was hired by a friend. She only compliments me!

I did try going to the actual bosses and work it out...did it in writing with emails so that their words would be on record. They had nothing logical to say that was wrong. Took it to HR...one workplace fought for me in the HR department. Didn't help because they werent there all day...and my own personal self has no confidence! Crazy. Next place...HR never returned a reply...no help at all.

Honestly...if I had more confidence...I could let those things bounce off. One person in my life did not make me get to the point of how I perceived myself. I don't know how to help you change your view of yourself since I haven't learned it. I can tell you the words I heard...but they are empty when you don't believe.

I also don't have ONE negative friend! Only positive AND TRUTHFUL friends. Phony friends are no good because they tell you what you want to hear.I hang around people that tell me like it is! If I am screwing up....they will tell me! But they tell me all the good things too. Help me figure out how I can straighten up when I go wrong directions in life.

I hope this helps...I hope you have supportive co workers. If you were confident before one man told you negative feedback...go back and recall ALL the good things that true people have said!

Hi. for three years I was bullied by colleagues, I hated going to work & cried when I got home... everyday for the three years...I said it to my boss and her helpful (not!!) reply was "sort it out between yourself preferable outside of work!! I heard a song by BOYZONE called "no matter what" loved the words and I played it over and over. read up loads of stuff, then one day the three were in the back office and I had to go in to send a fax, I felt sick, but I went in as I was leaving one of them said "oh its a bit stuffy in here all of a sudden" & the other two laughed, I dont know where it came from, but I turned round and said "Does saying things like that & worse, make you feel better, if so, I feel sorry for you, not me, oh and with so much hot air from you 3 no wonder its stuffy in here, I suggest you open a window and be careful you dont fall out"!!! went back to my office and shook like a leaf but boy I felt good. From that day they left me alone.... Ive since learned when I spoke about it at CBT I was asked "whos got the problem there, you or them" turns out its true, SO my reason for going on so long is, you have to think this, maybe they worry about how good you are at your job, maybe theyd like to be you, maybe the have something going on at home, etc., so please just think at how far you have come exams, work etc., maybe that lecturer was trying to push you to get the best out of you? at the end of the day its only bothering you, if at work there is someone not nice, if they get a reaction they will keep at it, so no matter how your feeling inside, example when your boss is hard on you, just thank him/her for pointing ........ (whatever) out (you find hard) & say you will keep it in mind...

NO MATTER WHAT YOU ARE FEELING INSIDE.... try it its empowering.

I know what you're talking about.

I've been there.

My whole grammar school and later on, to some extent, university was a nightmare.

However, I realized that the problem was not how somebody treated me, but MY reaction to it.

Why was I reacting in such an extreme way (anxiety, vomiting, headaches...), while some of my colleagues couldn't care less? They too were exposed to teachers and professors who were verbally abusing us.

To put it simply, I was prone to having such a bad reaction.

You see, I was brought up to look for affirmation from other people (at the beginning parents). I always had to be "good" to deserve love/respect. Later on, I started putting pressure on myself to always be among the best, while always fearing that I somehow didn't belong there.

That is why I cared what my teachers had to say about me . That is why I went through hell. Some of my friends were stressed, some didn't care, but very few had such an extreme reaction.

My point is: by the time you get to high-school and university you are already a formed personality. So if you react in certain way, it is because you are predisposed to.

If you want to get rid of this kind of reactions - and it is possible - you need to change the way you think. You need to change your patters of behavior.

Try cognitive-behavioral therapy.

Try mindfulness.

It really works if you work it 😃

THIS IS ALL DOWN TO YOUR LACK OF CONFIDENCE IN YOUR SELF X I TOO SUFFER BUT YOU KNOW YOUR JOB AND YOU MUST SPEAK UP X THERE ARE ALWAYS GOING TO BE PEOPLE THAT ARE MUCH MORE HEAD STRONG IN THE WORK PLACE I SHOULD IMAGINE A FAIR AMOUNT IN YOUR JOB X YOUVE DONE THE TRAINING ENJOY THE JOB