How do I stop thinking of past failures with old acquaintance I bumped into?

Posted , 3 users are following.

Hey guys

I hope you are well today.

I'm 27 year old guy working as an engineer after graduating 1 year ago.

Recently I bumped into an old acquaintance from my old uni who I don't dislike but don't like either, as he was very extroverted and when I knew him before I was not feeling too well in myself.

It might seeming confusing but since I bumped into him after like 6 years, turns out he works in the same city as I do now and we greeted each other like before.

Only thing is I feel really bad as when I remember my failures before and he was always succeeding, it brought back bad memories to me that I felt inferior in comparison.

How do I get over this and stop it from distracting me in my current time?

Thanks for any advice.

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  • Posted

    It's known that comparing with other peoples life is the reason why we get to feel unhappy with our life.

    The most annoying thing is to hear from other to think of happy thoughts and what it's nice in your life, but the issue here is that you won;t be able to do that (because, in the moment, you are fixated on the negative thought and you can't find a good one)

    I recommend you to think from another perspective (the perspective is everything, like the half empty/full glass)

    Think it this why:

    In order for him to to have gotten where he is, he mast have sacrificed something in his like. (we only have time and energy to do some things, but not all)

    I don't know him, and i don't know exactly what example to give you to spark the right feeling, so please take the example I'll give and think what is what he sacrificed and you did not. Ok?

    In order to succeed in something, is a mix from passive behavior and Active/willing behavior. The active behavior takes the most of our energy& time. through this he might have lost friends (no time to connect with the properly), precious moments that you don't know about; He probably had to sacrifice personal principles to accomplish some goals (if that happen is is most certainly hunted because of that when he's trying to sleep)

    What I'm trying to say that things did not come that easily for him either and that he suffers somehow too from what he had to do.

    Now back to you. We all have things in life we take for granted. In my case were my parents. I had to almost lose them, in order to know what i have everything. For me, family is everything, but i never though about my first family (the parents), but somehow only about my future family (wife, kids etc). We always have things we take for grated, just we don't realize it yet. (this is what people mean with "think about happy thoughts" )

    I, myself, I'm confronting with something similar now, and what I'm writing to you is also a reminder for me as well.

    I think that we all have everything and nothing at the same time.

    (this is how my childhood was as well. I had everything i needed, modest food, modest house, but nothing more. "Everything and nothing")

    Now, to answer to your question..

    Find something in your life that it's unusual, something good (not necessarily great), something to provide you with a steady good feeling (let's name it something that keeps you with your feet on the ground)..

    Second, find small goals to boost your energy. (in my case was once that i wanted to make my house a smart house (with as little money as I could), just because I wanted to hear music before i even was awake to hear. stupid... i know, but it was something that boosted my energy after I finally managed to do that.)

    Third thing, when you feel good with yourself (from the boost) and when you feel steady there (happy), you need to prevent that from happening. Speak with your friends, family, strangers (homeless if you have the chance >>joking<<) and try to understand what you can to to prevent that. Find what makes you happy... If you can self analyze yourself deep , correct something from your personality, so that you will do things passively (good) without needing to think (actively)

    I repeat... I don't know you and I don't know him (how he triggers your pain), but I wish if you could take what I told you so far, to apply it as closely to your situation as you can.

    I wish you all the best! Speak about this with everybody you can, even when they ask you "how are you today". Don't just answer "I'm good. you?".

    we all suffer in some way, and you never know who could be your solution<<<

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    • Posted

      I really like your reply ad am very grateful that at least u understand what I mean.

      All of those points I will take on board and try to figure a way to carry them with me.

      However the way that I meant it affects me is more of me feeling lower than him, even though now I have achieved a lot and generally would be considered well.

      The difficulty is just trying my best not to react in such a fearful, shameful and inferior way as most family and friends tell me I'm just being silly.

      Do u know what I mean?. Thanks so much

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    • Posted

      I understand.. I know what you are saying.

      I had this problem as a kid in school and it created a monster inside me, because I didn't know what i should have spoken about that at that time.

      It's not shameful to feel that way, it's normal . That feeling will drive you to want more and to leave a happy life, but you must not let yourself from creating a Must for having to reach the perfect edge of your goals . Basically, if you aim for a 10, you should consider everything after a 5 as a success. I don't know how to create a deeper logic for you to absorb fully this idea (by your logic), but you should consider everything after the 5 as a bonus you managed to reach.

      At my current firm where I'm working , the people from here have created a myth abut an Ex sales manager.

      To describe him in few words as a story, he was the kind of guy who was doing everything and nothing, aiming for high goals, and actual making his minions to work on s****y things.. he was the type of guy who would drive convertible car doing fake Hires while driving through Nevada's desert. (note that it's not actually true, but try to grab the idea)

      (The company is a Staffing Agency. We hire people.)

      Imagine that the stories tells that if you do a Hire, he will appear from nowhere to break your legs for doing that (even though are his Clients) Also that he is trying to prevent the candidates from getting the jobs, by waiting them at the client's door to sabotage their interviews.

      Now, that being said, from that story, we are now celebrating our failures (something like a very lite mocking, but very friendly, honest and cheerful). Even though we are doing that with our failures, we know that we must do our best to work.

      Basically we are empowering the negative thing as being positive, which gives more positive energy to the actual positive stuff.

      What I'm trying to say is that maybe you should try to find a way to make fun of that situation (if you can't ignore it).

      We tend to take our-self too serious.

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    • Posted

      I apologies for how I wrote.. I don't always focus well in English when I'm tired.

      Unfortunately I can't edit the last comment to have more sense.

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