Hi people, I barely ever write on here, as most days I feel I don't need to. But today is different. I need someone with brains that work to tell me how you come back from wanting to jump or think about it, most days like I feel at present. 3 weeks ago I texted a counsellor I was seeing and told him I wanted to jump. I'd truly had enough. The problem is that thought is sometimes still there. I feel I am no use to anyone most days and my life would have been better cut off since birth where I was born defective, and still feel like this. I feel useless despite putting on a fake smile and faking happiness. I hate being disabled and being so stupid which I feel I have been all my life. Every time I see my doctors they offer me anti depressants. (which I definitely don't want, tried that one before) My life got in to such a state 3 weeks ago because my physical health was so poor I couldn't see another way out. I cry most days, I hate where I live, feel I'm a failure to my family, society and my marriage (husband) mostly as I haven't given him the child he wants. My family ignore me for the most part unless they feel there is something they can have from me like looking after their dogs, which I don't have. I feel like a doormat. Can anyone on here explain what else I could try that would boost my mood and make me feel 'human' again? (I take lots of multi vitamins). Every time I see my counsellor now I am looking for places I can jump from just to prove a point. I don't want to live in pain all the time. My doctor does know about this!