How to deal with my partner who has depression

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I have recently just started seeing my partner for 2 months now we have a long distance relationship and I recently just came back after meeting him for the first time and spent close to 2 weeks with him everything was going really great treated me fantastically was attentive and would constantly message each other day in day out and talk on the phone twice a day. A couple of days after I got back we had an argument and later on told me that his depression has come back bad and the only way he can deal with it is to shut people out including his own family. Now it is as though he has switched into a differant person he barly messages and only calls briefly at night, he's stopped being attentitive and feel very alone and is shutting me out completly. We had such a wonderful time together and now it feels as though he doesn't care about me or our relationship. I have already booked flights to stay with him for almost 3 weeks after Boxing Day and I'm scared to say to much to him just incase I have to cancel and my holiday will be ruined. At the start we had an immediate connection and got the feeling he was wanting to propose to me he used to say I love u everyday and now I barely get anything. He's had a rough childhood and experienced major set backs in his life and has even talked about ending his life. I'm trying to do everything I can to help him but shuts me out and it's very upsetting for me to handle especially as I have experience a rough year myself. Is their anybody that can give me some advice on what to do to handle this situation. I know he said he used to go and see a councillor but that was interstate to where he is located now and says he hasn't taken his medication for years and sons do anything to help himself. I'm really scared I will lose him because of this and I'm not sure really of what to do.

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4 Replies

  • Posted

    Stop looking out for him an start looking out for yourself! You can't fix him and why would you want to be with someone who won't make an effort for you. Just remember you can't lose what you never had! X
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  • Posted

    Hi Nicole. You mention that he recognizes that he depresses, but it's not clear what - if any - help he's getting. And if he's not, do you  think he'd be willing to engage some?
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  • Posted

    Hi Nicolee99455

    Bless you it sounds hard I have a lovely fiancé but when my depression is bad I can completely shut off and it's horrible because you feel rude and ungrateful. I'm not sure what treatment your boyfriend is having or what kind of support system he has but keep persevering try get him good counselling and keep talking to him people making us talk when we want to hibernate is a good thing I find comedy shows helpful some days I could talk for hours and other days I can hardly speak I hope your boyfriend is on good medication that has certainly help me  distance is always hard good luck to you & lots of patience you have a good heart xx

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  • Posted

    yes people with depression do cut others ouyt.  It is one way we deal with this illness.  It is very hard for those who care about us to deal with. 

    Do you feel that perhaps you should give him time?  If he will not help himself, and refuses to see a doctor, then there is nothing you can do really.  He has to make that step himself.  Not much you can do just let him know you are there for him.  I think people with depression find it hard to reach out, and especially young men.  They need people but cannot ask.

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