How to fight the feeling of overwhelming loneliness?

Posted , 8 users are following.

I've been depressed for quite a few years now.

I'm from the UK, but I was living abroad for 4-5 years before I moved back at the beginning of this year, and I'm really struggling to adjust. I work really unsociable hours in a job i HATE so I have no friends and don't really get the opportunity to meet people. I live with 7 people who I don't like, mainly because I've heard them saying some quite mean things about me, which doesn't help because it makes me feel very nervous and anxious to be in my own ''home''. I'm not really close with my family. I basically have nobody to talk to and it's really getting to me... I just get this overwhelming sense of loneliness and I don't know how to handle it. I just want 1 person to talk to or something because my life just seems like a meaninless hole at the moment and it's hard to struggle on when you just think 'what is the point'.

I was wondering if anyone here has experienced being totally alone and have any tips on how to deal with it? Thank you.

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  • Posted

    hi Daychasingnight, 

    I have felt very alone sometimes and there have been times when gropus of people have said nasty things about me that made me feel very alone and uncomfortable and friendless. 

    You always have us to talk to though smile 

    Is there any chance you could try looking for a job with more sociable hours? Or perhaps you could  try and meet a work colleague on the same shift before or after a shift to go for a drink or for a casual meal together or the cinema or something? 

    Please know that life is most definitely worth continuing on for. 

    Have you ever gone to therapy or been on meds? I think CBT may be really helpful for you. 

    I am here for you, 

    Agirl xx

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    • Posted

      Hi Agirl, thank you for your reply smile

      Ahh it is the worst feeling. I've felt more depressed at other times in my life, but then I felt like I had someone to talk to about it. Not having anyone, and the feeling of absolute aloneness is such a terrible one; I'm really not enjoying it.

      Thank you! It's honestly so nice to hear someone say that.

      I've decided to go back to school in September, fingers crossed I'll be accepted, which I'm hoping I'll be able to meet people through. My house contract ends next month so I can then move away from the horrible and vile people that I live with. I've been in hospital a few times over the past few months due to suicide attempts and just feeling so low, and I've heard them say really horrible things about my 'condition' sad people are mean. I can't really do anything about my job sadly, there aren't many part-time jobs where I live and I need it to support myself through college. There also isn't much opportunity to talk to any of my colleagues to be honest. I will have a look around for a new job though, thank you.

      I've been on meds for the past few years, but nothing I feel has really helped me that much. My doctor keeps on suggesting new things to me so hopefully I can find something that works for me soon.

      Thank you for taking the time to read about my subjectively pathetic problems and help me out a bit... it means a lot.

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    • Posted

      Hi Daychasingnight, 

      I am glad my words helped a bit. 

      Sounds like things have been really tough for you. 

      Going back to school sounds good, I hope you get accepted too. It would definitely be a great way to meet new people and if you don't like your housemates it will be good to get away from them smile 

      I understand about your job but I guess at least you have one for the minute which is a good position to be in and no harm having a look for one with more suitable hours smile 

      It sounds like your doc is trying to help as much as possible. As far as I have come across so far that is what your supposed to do if meds aren't working, keep trying news one. 

      You are more than welcome and your problems are not pathetic. . . if I am may so subjectively!!  smile 

      I am going to copy and paste some tips for you in a new reply that may help. 

      Best wishes, 

      Agirl xx

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    • Posted

      My "Golden List"  for depression/anxiety smile

      1. Identify when you are anxious and DO something about it 

      RELAX  breathing technique, going somewhere quiet and just relaxing for a few minutes (perhaps a few minutes outside and listening to birds or watching the world go by), mindfulness (look up online, also involved in yoga) and meditation, listening to relaxing music.

      OR ACT – tell someone how you feel if they’re bothering you, stop procrastinating, often this involves just committing to making a decision even if you don’t really like the options you have

      This step also involves realising what might be at the root of your anxiety/depression altogether. Is there something in your life that’s actually really bothering you and you’ve just been ignoring it? And more importantly, is there something you can do about it?

      It’s also important  to identify any negative thinking styles (Moodgym, an online cognitive behavioural therapy course, or some self help books – eg. David Burns Feeling Good, the New Mood Therapy will help with this) and start to counteract by identifying when you think the thoughts and then counteracting by questioning how true/false  the thought is and trying to look at things in a more positive perspective and then deciding on your next step (stop mindreading/work on relationship with such and such etc.)

      2. Sleep 

      Ditch caffeine in the evenings (or even altogether), wake up at the same time every morning and go to bed same time every night. Your body craves routine! Try not to eat too late as it will disrupt your sleep but make sure you’re not hungry going to bed as you’ll find it very hard to get to sleep then

      3. Exercise

      Can be hard to get going but will help sleep. Running is good as it helps get rid of all the adrenaline so it decreases anxiety and the cardio of course is good for your overall health. Running has also been shown to increase what  is called neurogenesis – making new brain cells. This process is decreased in depression but can start up again in response to exercise such as running. It takes maybe 3-4 weeks to kick in though. (The same as antidepressants which work by the same method it is proposed smile ) Yoga can be great for relaxing too. Put on some quiet music and soft lightingand away you go at your own pace. You can find videos on Youtube  smileYou could even go for a walk if you didn’t like the sound of running or yoga. Whatever works for you! :D And don’t forget exercise means endorphins and endorphins mean less stress, more happiness! :D

      4. Eat well

      Eat regularly and well. Try to feed your body nice healthy food. If you get IBS this really helps. Keeping a food/sleep/activities diary can help show if foods you eat/tiredness etc. are triggering IBS symptoms/irritability/low mood.

      5. Do things that make you happy/relaxed

      Even if you are finding it hard to get enjoyment out of things you used to, still try to keep it up. Whatever you do, don’t give up and go into rebellion mode and stop doing normal everyday things. Even if you don’t get any study/work done, try to make sure you’re doing SOMETHING. Watch your fav. TV show, play/listen to music, go for a walk outside in sunshine, read a book. You will feel better when you get active as you won’t feel guilty/lazy for not doing anything. Set small goals for yourself e.g. today I’m going to tidy my bedroom and shower and get to bed on time. The more you accomplish them one at a time, the more you can start adding to the list! :D

      6. Surround yourself with positive people or people who are good for you/supportive 

      no point wasting your time with people who will  bring you down :D  (That’s where we come in!! smile )

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    • Posted

      Oh wow, 

      Thank you so much athol!! I am studying for exams and sometimes I wonder if I am on this too much, trying to help people. I like to try and share my advice as I have shared similar experiences as a lot of people on the site asking questions and I like to help as much as possible. Makes my day to know that it is appreciated so much. 

      You have made me very happy and warm inside. I hope you have a wonderful day. Where I am it is lovely outside and I got my hair cut and now this wonderful comment from you and the other one on my discussion with the tips. - Happy out for the day. 

      Thank you and my best, warmest wishes, 

      Agirl xxx

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    • Posted

      Dear Agirl. Remember that there are a lot of people out there on this forum who do not post but who read the posts for help. I'm sure that you have helped many more people than you think. Your reply to me has made me feel happy and warm inside also. Now get on with your exams!!! and good luck. xx
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  • Posted

    I suffer greatly with loneliness, sometimes I phone Samaritans and just chat about god knows what! I'm on a few forums too, but I know it's just not the same is it?

    There's a site called _____ (or something) and I'm planning on going to an event when my physical health allows.

    Do you have any hobbies that could get you meeting new people?

    Patient Moderator Note: I have removed an URL (a link) from this reply as it was unsuitable for inclusion within these forums. If any user is interested in this removed information they should contact the author via the Private Messaging system requesting such. Thank you for your cooperation.

    Why is my link 'unsuitable'? See patient.info/forums/discuss/adding-links-to-posts-257271

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  • Posted

    Hi day? I've been awake most of the night and been reading through some of the posts on here? I know how loneliness feels and fir me at the moment it will only get worse after ending a 16yr relationship, your plight/situation was awful to read and my heart goes out to you, I can relate to you on so many levels yet the only advice I can offer is to read the posts provided by the wonderful anonymousgirl, she knows of what she speaks and has certainly helped me and many others during our darkest moments. I wish you well "friend" you take care
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  • Posted

    Hi, i lived in a house with some friends before and i too overheard them talking about me. Saying i was not quite with it and very withdrawn. That was ages ago when i didnt even realise i was suffering from anxiety and deppression. I am from the UK too by the way and in all honesty i hate it. I don't like the people, they are vile and talk behind your back. The culture is rubbish and i would rather live abroad somewhere warm and sunny. Because of my anxiety i have pushed my friends and family away from me, it makes me feel calm and able to think. About the lonelyness thing, i suffered from that but i did find that talking to people online helps a lot! more than you realise. Especially people with the same problems. Talking to people that don't have the same problems actually makes me feel worse because they don't understand. You know yesterday i actually wrote a suicide note, today i deleted it. haha maybe i have bipolar too huh :s Whenever i feel down and feel like ending it i remember what my mom said to me once, "don't be so selfish! imagine how people would feel if you killed yourself!". so ever since she said that i go back to that moment and remember it. Life does feel meaningless to me though, maybe you feel the same? I dont have any interests that i stick too or passion. These two things are essential to overcome deppression but i can't seem to find them. Anyways i am lonely too, all i do is sit in my room all day on a computer. I can't even go outside anymore because of my anxiety. I am making a plan though to go out each day 10 minutes at a time and working my way up. To stop myself feeling lonely i find that watching movies and playing games helps. I have a partner who lives in another country. I talk with them over the internet so that helps to. As long as there is someone to talk to then your lonelyness should subside. I found that when i never talked to people online i would go into a daydream and just end up gettng worse and worse. I am here if you want to talk anyways. smile
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