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how to stop feeling..?

Posted , 6 users are following.

mariah2410
mariah2410

every single thing i see, hear, feel, they all connect to you.. and i hate it. i cannot even listen to my favorite songs anymore, because i remember that i shared them with you and you fell in love with them too. i can’t even look at a photo of myself and not remember the times you told me i was beautiful and all those names you called me, i can’t stop thinking of you.. and most of all i can’t even feel happy anymore.. being happy reminds me of the days i spent talking to you, the times we spent talking for hours on end. there was so much time spent.. all for nothing? all to go down the drain? how can i throw away those times? how can i just forget everything we had? i remember that day you told me “promise me you’ll never leave me” and i replied back to you and said “just promise me the same”. you told me that of course you’d never leave, of course you loved me, of course we would always be together. but did you really mean it when you told me that? or was it all a lie? what are you doing now? do you still enjoy stargazing? we said one of these nights we’d take a car far out to be alone just us two, and sit under the stars. seeing the stars is my favorite thing, and now i can’t even look at the stars without a thought of you.. my favorites things, aren’t so enjoyable anymore.. how do i get joy out of the things i used to love? it seems like no one stays, and promises don’t mean a thing. i wonder what you’re doing now.. i wonder if your heart feels cold and lonely like mine.. and for some reason even though i try to hate you, i can’t find it in me to hate you, no, i would never hate you. i hate myself for thinking one day you’ll come back to me.. thinking that maybe one day we could still see those stars.. just how foolish am i..?

4 likes, 11 replies

11 Replies

  • Adldiane
    Adldiane mariah2410

    Posted

    Mariah I know you are speaking from your broken heart and I hear that sadness but you have so....much talent. I hear a poet when I read your writings I really do you speak right from your soul. 

    Is your grief getting any better??

    I so hope 2018 will be a better year!

    Happy..Blessed..New..year🎉!! Diane. 

  • carmela45627
    carmela45627 mariah2410

    Posted

    Mariah

    Where is he? Where did he go? How did he leave?

    Are you alright? Did you call the dr?

    Go ahead and vent it helps. Try to start to try new things. Put the pictures away. Listen to different music temporarily.

    If you could try to concentrate on yourself that would distract you. Can you think of other things that you would like to do? Try hard to stay busy doing other things. Can you do something that would be rewarding afterwards? Cleaning always helps me the time passes quickly and when I’m finished I feel rewarded. What about cooking that is rewarding too. Getting dressed in something that you haven’t worn in a while that looks good with a little bit of make up and stepping out to some place close helps.

    Will you be ok? I’m worried about you.

  • carmela45627
    carmela45627 mariah2410

    Posted

    Mariah

    Are you alright? My phone is going to die any second. Where did he go? Where is he now? When did he leave? Has he been in contact with you?

    Have you called the dr. Try to change your life style. Put the pictures away. Stay away from the stars. Do something rewarding like cleaning cooking getting dressed up with a little bit of make up and step out.  

    Try to stay busy doing anything that you like. I am worried about you. Watch a movie cook something that you love.

    Please stay with us. Come back keep writing to us to vent your feelings and pain 

    • mariah2410
      mariah2410 carmela45627

      Posted

      i am sorry carmela i didn’t see this til now, i’ve just found out something about him and i think now i’ll be able to move on, it will take a long time i am sure but in due time i think i may be able to turn happy again.. i am working on becoming happy once again, i am going to mend my own heart, there’s not anyone around me who cares for me or that i can talk to, and i cannot see the doctor but it’s alright, i got myself into this mess and i will repair it all myself, i can’t stay unhappy forever, do not worry, i think it might be okay..
    • carmela45627
      carmela45627 mariah2410

      Posted

      It is important that you stay with us until matters are taken care of. If you do not have anybody to rely on for help and you are unable to see the doctor, you may still need our support at least. Would you be able to keep coming back here until you are content with your life? Please, let us help you along this journey.
    • mariah2410
      mariah2410 carmela45627

      Posted

      this place helps so i will keep writing, i will keep posting disscusions when there’s something i want to let off my chest. so i would say yes i will keep coming back, i have a long journey ahead and this is the only place i can vent or write out all of my issues without having to worry about getting judged, every person is here because they’ve gone through that depressive phase or they still are feeling depressed, it isn’t something that leaves, and anxiety piles up so it becomes even more difficult but i know that here i will be understood, so i thank you for all your concerns carmela, i really appreciate it.
  • samantha_93684
    samantha_93684 mariah2410

    Posted

    I hear you Mariah 

    You are speaking with a broken heart for sure. I have so been there.... I'm a lovefool.... I wear my heart on my sleeve... and at times I put too much on love.... love is my driving force though.... a lot of people will say time is a healer and it is in its own way.... but having the reminders are hard and because right now you want to be reminded of things as you don't want to let go of these reminders so you're more likely to want to play that special song again and cry and feel that pain... as the pain is the only proof that what you had felt real...

    This feeling is quite destructive in its own way. 

    Carmela is right.... right now is to find distractions, the worst time will be at night and in the mornings, that's the empty period.

    You probably want to curl up and don't find joy in doing things. You need the support of friends and family and keep busy. 

    You probably won't see this now but one day you will meet someone who you may or may. Or have the same conversations with and only then you will look back and wonder what all this was even about.... 

    Right now, focus on yourself.... x

    New year.... new dreams 

  • sam18386
    sam18386 mariah2410

    Posted

    This is not right why do you feel like this? Something must have triggered it! I hope your new year brings you some answers and what has happened to trigger this! Just take care. X
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