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HSV and Dating

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ImSoScared
ImSoScared

Hello. I was diagnosed with HSV in December. It’s been hard because I feel that everyone that I have told about my condition (for reasons that I couldn’t really control) look at me differently. Most days I forget about it but it’s always in the back of my mind that I have this dirty little secret. I feel that my father is so ashamed with me. I’m 18 and still live at home and he found out through the insurance company when the price for the test came back. 

Every time I think about having herpes I get so brought down. I feel incredibly ashamed and gross. But I remind myself that I have only had 2 boyfriends. I got hsv from my second boyfriend who I was with for over a year. He preformed oral on me and a few days later he got a cold sore and I had the worst burning in my life. It was both our faults for not knowing this could happen. But we’re not together anymore and having herpes seems a lot more scarier now that I’m on my own. 

I’m so scared to tell people that I have it. I don’t want the person I’m interested in to not want to be with me or look at me differently because of this. I don’t want to be known as the girl with herpes. And the more people I have to tell (that I’m going to be intimate with) the more people will know about my dirty little secret. 

I’m over the fact of “I have hsv and now my life is over” and more on the fact of “I’m going to be alone forever because I have an STD”. 

Does anyone else feel the same way about this? I don’t want to rely on herpes dating sites to find someone or just be alone forever. 

Also. It doesn’t feel like my vaginas gone back to normal yet. Since December I’ve had 2 outbreaks. The first was unbearable but the second was fine with a little bit of itching. Does it ever feel normal down there again? And how do I know if my medication is working and that I’m not shedding the virus? 

0 likes, 6 replies

6 Replies

  • cartercali
    cartercali ImSoScared

    Posted

    The same people that critize you for having herpes might have it themselves and just don’t know it ... 

    I was 19 when I contracted it ..

    Luckily my daddy never found out .

    The only person that knows is my current boyfriend.. & I’ve been with him since 2014. Found out about the virus in December of 2015. The best advice I can give you is DONT scratch .. it becomes worse. A&D ointment & tea tree oil heal lesions very quickly within 12/24 hours . 

    I had my first break out and haven’t really had one since ... 

    As far as dating .., don’t tell the person you’re interested in that you are positive right off the bat.. take your time get to know them & go from there ... not everyone needs to know about your personal life unless you are becoming intimate with them ... people are scared of genital herpes because they don’t know anything about it but the worst of what they do hear ... bumps on your private parts ...

    That’s what’s wrong with our generation it’s all about sex sex sex .. not realizing the type of diseases that are out there.

    I was SO judgmental of this type of situation until I actually became in this situation . Over time it does get easier .. and the suppressive medicine definitely does help the shedding ... always remember just because you don’t have an outbreak doesn’t mean the virus still isn’t shedding . 

    • ImSoScared
      ImSoScared cartercali

      Posted

      It just feels like I can never be intimate with anyone. I’ve only had two partners but never actually had sex. I know how I felt about herpes and I wouldn’t take the risk so why should I expect anyone else to you know? 
  • r61311
    r61311 ImSoScared

    Posted

    hey girl! please don’t beat yourself up about this— actually, the way you got herpes (via oral sex) is the way most young people contract the virus! no one i know uses a condom or dental dam for oral, and many people don’t know that hsv can be passed even from the mouth without any symptoms. and a lot of people who contract hsv never have symptoms so they would never know unless they got tested. the “good” news is that hsv1 genital sheds significantly less than hsv2. i think only 3-5% of days compared to 10-20%. it’s also less likely to cause recurrent outbreaks. so if you take antivirals, you can lessen your outbreaks AND lower your viral shedding rate which would make you less likely to transmit the virus to your future partner. condoms reduce risk by another half. it’s also, in general, harder for women to pass herpes along (genitally) to a man than vice versa.
    • ImSoScared
      ImSoScared r61311

      Posted

      How do I know for sure that the meds are reducing shedding? How do I know if the virus is shedding? 
    • r61311
      r61311 ImSoScared

      Posted

      the tricky thing is that you can’t tell when you are shedding the virus asymptomatically, unfortunately, because you can’t see it. the antiviral medicines have been tested and proven to reduce shedding asymptomatically by i think 96%, so basically it suppresses the virus and keeps it from coming to the skin surface to infect others. so if you take the meds, your chances of transmitting drop drastically. add condoms on top and it’s even lower. people actually have a bigger chance of contracting from someone who doesn’t know they have herpes because they’re still shedding and not taking precautions. does that make sense?
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