Husbands!

Posted , 8 users are following.

I have been suffering with peri anxiety and depression for a couple of months now. Doctor put me on Sertraline but side effects have been awful so I have needed lots of support from husband, family and friends and I know I am lucky to have them all around.

But....

Husband knows how I hate sitting myself, especially at night. When I am well he likes going upstairs to read or listen to radio, he is an early bedder. However, whilst I feel anxious I would appreciate his company.

He does not seem to get it! I have said can you stay down here, he says oh there is rubbish on telly!!!

It's not about that! He then says just you come up and watch telly on laptop! Eh naw!

The way I feel just now all his negatives are making me feel like leaving him and starting again but then I realise if I am anxious and depressed again I need his support.

Very frustrated and alone!

1 like, 15 replies

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15 Replies

  • Posted

    Hi liz, it is hard they just don't get it do they. Mine has got very selfish at the moment as he hates his job, so how i feel doesn't matter! although i am in constant pain and sometimes find it hard to stand up never mind anything else, he just won't do anything so i find the whole workload  at home is down to me plus the garden etc as well as working myself as a carer. I think men can get quite blinkered and only see their side, i do know what you mean about starting again, i feel like i could just disapear. I have started to do things like making crystal trees and driftwood mirrors etc to fill the times where i feel alone, it gives me something to do and takes my mind off things and i don't get as anxious, helps that i have found an outlet to sell them too, do you think there is something you could do on the creative side to occupy yourself? it may help as i find it keeps my mind busy. Just remember, you are beautiful and strong, you are a goddess, even though this awful meno makes you feel otherwise, take care, love and light to you xxxx
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    • Posted

      Hi

      Its awful they are so selfish.

      I chat on facebook to friends, I knit and crochet which is fine, I just like him to be there, why I don't know. He is not the most sociable or chatty man anyway. I think when we go through this meno change it makes you think, do I need something else now.

      I'm just not sure I could leave and start again.

      I am not that strong.

      Thanks, its good to know others have the same problem, you take care too, keep well x

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  • Posted

    Hi Liz

    I don't want to sound unsupportive as I have been there with the anxiety as well, but your husband sounds like he might be an introvert.  I don't know what sort of work he does, he might be exposed to people, noise and commotion all day.  Introverts desperately need some solitude and quiet time to recharge and that time upstairs on his own might be what he needs to re group.  It's difficult to find common ground in this situation but this could be something you might not have thought about when considering the problem. Best wishes.

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    • Posted

      My husband does not work, he is retired but he is introvert, quiet, loner really.

      I just feel that at this time when there is alot of change going on in my life the least he could do it sit in the same room as me for a couple of hours at night when usually I am out at work all day and its the only time I would normally see him!

      I am not able to work at the moment because of the anxiety so I am around all day, although he thinks making me a cuppa is all he needs to do. I am lucky to have friends and family who like a chat, to keep me occupied.

      We have been married 30 years plus and at this stage when I feel well, we muddle along fine but a wee bit consideration on how I am feeling is not alot to ask.

      Best wishes

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  • Posted

    Hi liz, you are not alone I promise. Here I am gone 11pm watching hubby snoozing on sofa while I am sat here stressing with all my symptoms, like you anxiety ( mainly health ) aches and pains, brain fog, dizziness, weight gain, nausea oh my gosh the list goes on and on, they just don,t get it do they - I am going through all sorts of hell and it,s all about him...... I sympathise with you and know how you feel I really do along with lots of others here, I too have felt like running away, but where to I ask myself, I feel like I still have to do the washing, ironing, cleaning and all the rest of it, be his flipping listener, wife, mollycoddle him, pander to his every need like he is so much more important than me and my problems are so much less important than his, and we are expected to carry on no matter what - I think that many men ( not all ) are like this and we have to decide to think more for ourselves, if we can with our foggy brains, its a nightmare really and I wish I could help you more but all I can say is that we all know where your,e coming from and like you I have given the best years of my life to this man and when I need all the support it,s just not there and feel very alone with all this - its all about them and I feel like screaming too, bless you and all the other ladies out there x
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    • Posted

      Know what you mean, been to work this morning, done the shoppping struggling up the path with it on my own, stomach still hurts, feel dizzy and spaced out along with everything else - sick of feeling like this, going to the Dr tomorrow, can,t go on like this any more, it,s like hell - if I can get at least some symptoms sorted a bit at least I might be able to cope with life in general, like you really really cheesed off with it all x
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  • Posted

    Dear Liz,

    My husband falls asleep early. He's a few years older than me and this has been the pattern even before my really wacky symptoms appeared this past year. I never really minded him being somewhat "absent" until lately. It would be nice if the person we are married to could be a source of comfort in this particular case. Not sure how he handles the overall unpredictable nature of me lately, but he does. And like your husband, mine's a bit of a loner and gosh, if some of my female friends here don't get it, can't really expect him to either. I'm grateful for the things he does try to do to make things better during this time. 

    I've learned to use my relaxation tapes at night or if that doesn't work, try and something to soothe my nerves on tv. I even check this site out and there is usually some convo going on or I can catch up on other reading to get my mind off my worries.

    This is tough, but in time it does lighten up a bit. Mind seems to come in waves and less and less at that.

    Here hoping you feel some comfort in coming here for support. Others simply don't understand this, as they haven't been through it. Doesn't mean they don't care about you and unless there are other issues going on........leaving him may not be the best idea as this is a temporary issue.  I have thought the same, I'm sure my husband has thought the same more than once, but what we are experiencing is temporary......so please unless there is more reason to think so, stay put and continue coming here. 

    Annie xx

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  • Posted

    Hi Liz,

    Ive been married 31yrs and hubby is just like yours. Hes the total opposite to me. Hates socialising and has always been an introvert.

    I watch tv downstairs and hes upstairs on the PC or listening to music. I think men need their own space just as we do at times.

    Ive started to see my friends more and socialise. Keeps me sane and i find i enjoy it. Us girls can have a good old chat and moan!

    Chin up and try and do something just for yourself that you enjoy.

    X

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  • Posted

    Hi Liz,

    First, my sympathies with you. It is a really hard time you are going through.

    I have no advice about dealing with husbands, I am single and kinda grateful for it while I am going through menopause. Just for me, I am grateful I mean. I am kinda introverted myself, and I don't think I could take take care of anyone else right now.

    I went on anti-depressants about 10 or 15 years ago though, so I know about the side-effects! I just want to tell you that they do wear off after the first few months. It takes six weeks for them to really take effect, and at that point the side effects have worn off. So I know it's scary, oh I remember how scary!! But the pills do work and you can look forward to a much better time soon.

    When I went into perimenopause I found I needed progesterone cream to calm my nerves. There are ups and downs to this though. For right now I hope you can have the patience to wait until the Sertraline takes effect, think about some other people's advice here on occupying your time in the evening. Knitting is supposed to be wonderfully therapeutic (not that I do it!) and guided meditations are great.

    Take care, honey.

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  • Posted

    You are not alone. I have anxieties I am on zoloft and ativan and trazodone 

    My anxieties are down but I understand what you mean about not wanting to be a lone. 

    Just let your husband know how you are feeling in a kind way tell him that you love him and that with you going through a hard time that you would like him with you. 

    Also you should get some councelling with a thrapist on how you are feeling

    Hang in there things will get better

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    • Posted

      Thank you so much. I said tonight will you sit down here tonight? He said for a wee while so he was watching what he wanted on TV but then I felt anxious cause he obviously did not want to be there!!

      My friend arrived so he vanished! Got off easy Id say!

      I need to get organised so that I can cope on my own I think, lighter nights mean I can get out a walk and see friends more as long as I feel well

      enough, roll on that day!

      You take care x

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    • Posted

      Your welcome. Its tough when you have to deal with anxieties and you feel alone but you are not a lone you have the Lord with you he is watching over everybody night and day just let him take it away put it in his hands he heals everyone 
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