I am 16 years old, I have PDD-NOS and I suffer from Severe Depression.
Posted , 5 users are following.
I am 16 years old, I have PDD-NOS( A highly functioning form of Autism spectrum) and I suffer from Severe Depression. I find it impossible to cope with this depression. All I ever think about is death. I have found myself imagining ways I could have killed myself in the past. I can't take the pressure of people making me into a person whom I am not, I want to be myself and do my own things on my own terms but that obviously won't ever happen in the future. I started suffering from this ever since I entered 6th grade. I was beat up, tortured, choked, you name it... All just because I was different from everyone else. I was treated like this for years and I did nothing about it because I was scared out of my mind. What did it for me was when I was told these exact words from my tormentor. "Everyone would be happier if you would do this world a favor and go kill yourself."
From that moment on, I believed him. I had actually believed that I would be better off dead than alive. I will never be able to get that moment out of my head. Even my own best friend didn't do anything about it and I looked up to him. My days are not going to last long because I have to deal with my tormentor again, now that I am in 10th grade.
I don't think I am going to last another year or more if this keeps up.
2 likes, 10 replies
Patient_Mod jared_16181
Posted
Hi jared16181
We note from a recent post which you have made to our forum that you may be experiencing thoughts around self-harm. If we have misinterpreted your comments then we apologies for contacting you directly. But if you are having such thoughts then please note that you are not alone in this, and there are people out there that can help.
If you are having these suicidal thoughts then we strongly recommend you speak to someone who may be able to help. The Samaritans offer a safe space where you can talk openly about what you are going through. They can help you explore your options, understand your problems better, or just be there to listen.
Their contact details are on our patient information leaflet here: https://patient.info/health/dealing-with-suicidal-thoughts, which also offers lots of other advice on how you can access the help you may need.
If you are having such thoughts then please do reach out to the team at the Samaritans (or the other people detailed in our leaflet) who will understand what you're going through and will be able to help.
Kindest regards
Patient
jared_16181
Posted
it's ok not to care because nobody does anyways.
Aspinan jared_16181
Posted
Hi Jared, what a terrible time your having and as for your tormentor he sounds like s**m.
Being bullied is a major cause for depression especially in young people and given your thoughts you need to seek help. The world would be a sadder place without you and no one and I mean no one would be happier if you killed yourself, even your tormentor would be horrified abd at best feel guilty if you did. These bullies take pleasure in tormenting people but I just wonder now your going into 10th grade he might have given up on it and "matured" a little bit, if not you shouldn't take it and report him to the school councillor or whoever in school is responsible for the bullying policy.
Turning to you and the help you need, have you spoken to anyone inc your parents about it as if not they need to know and protect you, your depressed and need to see your GP to decide on the best course of action to get you out of this illness, maybe medication but definitely councelling to help you.
You can be yourself and do what you want, that is your given right in life and there is nothing to stop you doing that in the future, it's in your hands you just need psychological help to get you there.
?Do not feel your on your own with this, there is plenty help out there, even just discussing things and your feelings on this forum is going to help you.
Dont suffer in silence and let those idiots get away with ruining your life anymore.
Let us know what your thoughts are now.
Neil
deirdre._03652 jared_16181
Posted
Hi Jared. I am so terribly sorry to hear that you are being treated so appallingly...you must be so hurt and lost....
You must report this terrible behaviour to the head of your school, immediately..also ...get your parents to talk to the head, to stop this awful, cruel bullying...it breaks my heart that people can be s cruel to others...please..do not let this go..!!! Also, you have every right to report the perpetrators to the police...Assault is a CRIMINAL OFFENCE....
don't try to cope with this on your own young man....my thoughts, best wishes. And my heart goes out to you....warm hugs...for you...please act today...xxxxx
Ashley025 jared_16181
Posted
Hey Jared
You need to tell your parents or the counselor at school so they can discipline these kids that are bullying you. They shouldn't be harming you in any way. Please do it and go to the office and ask to speak to the principal. They will do something about this. It's usually the bully's who have problems with themselves so they take it out on others. They try to belittle others or offend them because deep down they hate themselves. Don't listen to them. Don't commit suicide. Get help talk to your parents and counselor. The more people involved the better these bully's will go to jail they should NOT be choking you. Please tell someone and we do care. 🙌Dont let them get to you. You're stronger 💪and more worthy than them.🙏💜
Ashley025 jared_16181
Posted
Hi Jared
You need to tell your parents and police. The police will get them for choking you and harming you. They won't harm you anymore please tell them.🙌
jared_16181
Posted
Ashley025 jared_16181
Posted
You should tell your parents too. They should not be covering it up. Are they rich kids? Good thing you're not harming yourself and you're getting therapy. It takes time to find the right therapist. You need to tell your parents so they can change your therapist.👍Have you tried self defense classes so you can k*ck their a**.
Can you avoid him? Stay where the adults and everyone else are. If you can't bring a pepper spray and spray it on them if they try to harm you again. It's self defense.
robert68588 jared_16181
Posted
Hi Jared.Sorry i haven't responded until,but I only have a computer at work.Don't give up! I know it's hard.I'm 54 and have suffered from IBS/anxiety/depression for most of my life although it wasn't diagnosed until about 20 years ago and the depression part only over the last few months although I've had it to a varing degree for probably most of my life.It's just gotten hold of me more over the last 10 months or so.I've been down,really down for the last few months for various reasons and just seems nothing matters anymore.All the things that seemed important really aren't.With me,anyway I had gotten back to God about 12,13 years ago and especially at first I really was connected to Him,but over the last 2,3 years a did the motions but didn't feel Him.Now that I'm deep imn the pit and everything is cleared out,it's just me and Him and I'm starting to really see for the first time what is really important.How it is to be really loved,as I've never really been or felt love before.I mean real love.I know that is bad being I'm 54,but I think it's true.The problem I have is I just can't quite grasp.To just let go and let God.I just want to connect and I just can't seem to get there.I know I'm so close.I just wish He would pull close.Maybe He is and I'm just pushing Him away or not getting it or feeling it ,I don't know.It's so frustrating!! Sorry to ramble.I would telll whoever you have to,to get him off your back.I was picked on in school too,because I was different.Not really even different just plain,i guess you could say.But to the people who picked on me felt that was different.The unwritten code back then was you didn't tell,deal with it yourself,be a man,etc.So I did until i was at the end of my rope and finally told and they moved in to other classes that kept me mostly away from them until I graduated.The problem now is it seems life is what's attacking me( really the enemy putting doubts and fear and anxiety in me) and I just need God to find me in this mess and show me the way.That's where I'm at.I hope there is something in there you can use.I'll pray for you and I care ,man.Since I'm sort of just starting to get what love,real love for others is about,just want to say I love You and hang in there!!! God Bless You,Bob
jared_16181
Posted
Basically all I feel is just pure emptiness. All the hurt and pain mentally has made me become a person who I know I am not. I am never happy and I am always miserable to the point I feel like my life has no purpose. I didn't choose to have Autism. Everyone I see is always mean to me and I can't make good friends who will always be there for me. I had two friends but they seem to have turned their backs to me and I always feel that they are talking mean things behind my back. Anyways, I just feel broken and I just have no purpose in life. I always think that I am a burden to everyone, and I am known as that one person that nobody cares about.