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I am going to have to end my life at some point cause it’s over

Posted , 12 users are following.

charlie63146
charlie63146

hi there, I don’t know what to do anymore.  I can’t explain my whole situation cause it would be too long but basically I had a bad accident. This have given me a hardcore disability chronic pain and chronic everything like depression , anxiety, hopelessness, etc.  my life is over and there is no point to it.  I just exist and obtain food and have to stay in isolation most of the time.  I cannot let anyone into my life because of the symptoms and what this does to me.  The really crappy thing about it is that I am 99.9 percent sure that it can’t be fixed.  So everyday I suffer and think about living like I do now for say the next 30 years or so until I die and I just cannot even imagine spanning that much time with this disability and all these symptoms and living in isolation.  There is no way that I can do that.  But here I am still for now.  But I really feel like my time is coming to an end sooner than later.  If anybody has any ideas please let me know and I hope anyone else who is suffering can get better.

2 likes, 43 replies

43 Replies

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  • jay_babes
    jay_babes charlie63146

    Posted

    Hi Charlie i am so sorry to hear what happened to you it must  be devastating , as you said you do not want to tell the whole story it will take so long , well when i joined this forum with my story i told it and was surprised how many people got back to me and how it changed my life, so i feel if i tell you a little bit about me and what i have been through and still think life is worth living i hope will  to, i was not wanted as a baby, not my mums fault she just was not that way, i got no love and all my parents did was fight, i got lots of love from my dad but the household was a nightmare, i could have no friends growing up, and found it hard to mix with people, i got badly bullied at school where i just wanted to die, i told no one, i could not wait to leave, i left home at 17, thinking the world would be a great place, i had to work 3 jobs to support myself , and put me through the job i wanted, i was abused my men , which led to eating disorders , then i got severe migraines which i have over 30yrs and no longer can do my dream job, and with the eating dis orders i got  severe ibs, and when i thought my life could not get any worse i got a brain tumour, but after all that and trying to take my life 3 times and adding to that just being diagnosed with bdd, which is a disease where you can not stand to look in the mirror without disgust, iam here today i survived and i am so glad i did, life is wonderful now , i beat cancer, iam on medication for my depression and anxiety, and i am speaking to a counsellor for the abuse, and i just take one day at a time, so please DO NOT GIVE UP IF I CAN GO THROUGH 30YRS OF IT AND STILL WANT TO BE HERE SO CAN YOU, there are plenty of people who can help you do not be afraid to ask, the reason it took me so long to get help is because i kept quiet, do not, say how you feel find people in the same boat hear there stories , the web is a great place to information, and this forum is a great help to, i find it and it helped me big time, take care, and i am here, if you need to talk any time, god bless x
  • sam18386
    sam18386 charlie63146

    Posted

    You and me both. I have no hope, motivation or strength. I've been there before. Talk to me. I'll talk to you.

    • jay_babes
      jay_babes sam18386

      Posted

      Well if you want to have that attitude then talk to people who want to give up and do not bother asking for help
    • jay_babes
      jay_babes sam18386

      Posted

      Hi sam i am so sorry i did not realise you were getting in touch with charlie , your message came straight after a horrible message i got for trying to help charlie and what that person said really upset and angered me, and i thought you were agreeing with him, i hope you are ok and its great with what you have been through that you want to help others
    • sam18386
      sam18386 jay_babes

      Posted

      Hi jaybabes, I couldn't believe what was said! If I feel upset by what people say I normally try to be polite, except in the case of my counsellor whose head I sadly bit off! I feel dreadful for having done that but I was exceptionally cross! I hope you are ok, these responses often get sent to the wrong person.

    • jay_babes
      jay_babes sam18386

      Posted

      That is ok Sam we all have our off days , and if you can express what you feel to your counsellor then who can you let steam off too, i am sure they understood its their job, and they know hat you are going through, that is why it is called talking therapy, and you know it was not you because you felt dreadful afterwards, i am ok now after that horrible remark, plus so many people have been in touch saying how nasty they was and how lovely i was, and they reported it, nice to know people care
    • sam18386
      sam18386 jay_babes

      Posted

      Thank you for your reassurance, I'll see about going back though, I have my doctor contacting me later. I am really not happy. I'll see what she says.

    • jay_babes
      jay_babes sam18386

      Posted

      Hi Sam sorry to hear that i hope you have better luck with your doctor , will be thinking of you , if you need to talk i am here for you 
    • sam18386
      sam18386 jay_babes

      Posted

      Thanks for your support, my doctor still hasn't rang back.

    • jay_babes
      jay_babes sam18386

      Posted

      Dont worry give it time you have all day and do not forget they have other patients, when my doctor rings usually around lunch or they book you in as a patient, if you have not heard nothing by near closing time give them a call 
    • sam18386
      sam18386 jay_babes

      Posted

      Hi jaybabes, my doctor did ring back but I was in the bathroom so missed her call. I have a face to face appointment on Wednesday instead.
    • jay_babes
      jay_babes sam18386

      Posted

      Hi Sam see i told thats great even better, make sure you get across what your feeling and what the medication does and if your not happy with anything let her know, there is nothing worse than coming away and wishing you asked a question, or not happy with what was said, if your not seeing a counsellor , do not be afraid to ask about one, good luck and wish you well, let me know how you get on, 
    • sam18386
      sam18386 jay_babes

      Posted

      Hi jaybabes, I need to now speak to my doctor i just hope she listens this time! She didn't last time and laughed at what I said! There's a really serious issue now come up. Let's see what she does.

    • jay_babes
      jay_babes sam18386

      Posted

      Hi sam if you are not comfortable with your doctor and she laughed at you then i would change her, no one should laugh at you no matter what the problem or issue it, if it is serious to you ,it should be taken serious by them, if you need to talk in confidence, private message me i will listen and if i can i will help, take care x
    • sam18386
      sam18386 jay_babes

      Posted

      Hi jay babes, I agree it is really unprofessional, I have a different doctor I can speak to who is very understanding. I will see what she says today and let you know.
    • jay_babes
      jay_babes sam18386

      Posted

      Hi Sam that is great, will be thinking of you, look forward to you getting back to see what she says, good luck, hope you get the help you need , take care x
    • sam18386
      sam18386 jay_babes

      Posted

      Thank you jaybabes but i very much doubt it. I don't quite trust health professionals and this is not easy. I'll let you know if she listens.x

    • jay_babes
      jay_babes sam18386

      Posted

      Hi Sam how did you get on i thought i would of heard from you unless you have an evening appointment, even if you do not trust health professionals trust me i am a great listener, you can talk to me in the private message, i promise whatever you say i am sure i can help, in my 54 years , there is hardly nothing i have not experienced , and nothing shocks me, and i do not judge either, i know what it is like to have secrets and not be able to talk about them, i did and it nearly killed me, talking is great and once you have you will feel a whole lot better , god bless
    • sam18386
      sam18386 jay_babes

      Posted

      Hi jaybabes, sorry to contact so late but I was in my doctor's at 3 then in the shops the chemist and running around as per usual. The doctor took one look at my letter and could see why I would be so upset as what they said was inaccurate she is going to ensure that I see a female consultant too. She could see how I felt and just backed me up.

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