I am just do not know what to do with life

Posted , 3 users are following.

I have lost hope in living,i hate the way i live, i am over eating,thinking a lot,even when i am trying to overcome it by reading many motivational books i am just fed up being positive and moreover trying to overcome it alone. It has been years. I have been in a phase where i wanted to die, but i cope it, sometime i hurt myself scratching with blades. I donot want to go to doctor as i donot want to live in prescriptions. I am feeling it that inside i am dying. Sometime suddenly i have urge to cry out loudly,break things. I am just hating myself. I fought for years but i could not find a hope. I have become fat,when asked about plans i am like i do not know,i never thought. I am just killing my life and i know it but i am unable to do it. I know there are a lot of people out there who are in more pain than me, but lying on your bed and feeling blank and unhappy is disgusting feeling. It is just i know out here there are many, who have been in this situation,please help me. Iam just living because my parents will get hurt if i die,else till now i might have commited suicide.

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  • Posted

    Yes, once that depression starts to take hold it becomes increasingly difficult to see your way out, especially alone, I can relate. I'm very sorry you're having to experience this neha10092 and I want you to really fight against it. For me, I've reached a point where motivating myself to even go for a walk up the hill to 'enjoy' the view, fresh air, and just listen to the birds fluttering and chirping in the trees, has almost no meaning at all now because I can't help but see it for what it is: me, totally alone, year after year, just coping, fending off those inner demons. It's bleak! And I don't like to look into the future. But in saying that, I do still try to go up the hill [I have to walk anyway to get my groceries] because walking can sometimes bring a little smile to my face through just observing life, and when I get home I can say I tried. No one knows the mental energy it takes, but I do. 

    I guess what I'm saying is, please try to branch out of your room and experience nature in some way, even by just going for a walk around the block in the sun, because I believe it does help to restore a sense of hope and a little bit of self esteem as well - weight loss, too - and maybe it could get the ball rolling to attempt other things related to overcoming depression. I hope so.

    Anyway, all the best neha10092. You can do it.      

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    • Posted

      Thank you seanettle,it has been six years,i try very hard,but you are right it has been a long time since i walked see the birds chirping and feel that sunlight. Somehow i am just frd up with all the things i do to come back again from where i started. It is a roller coaster ride for me. I know for these six years i coped it and i think in future too i have to do the same. But it really gets into my nerve seeing those fake friends,competition in my job. But i think i can do this,i have been so alone coping it that i now hate the company of others. I am thankful to you for giving me a simple suggestion but which i never thought of doing. Thank you once again.
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    • Posted

      Thank you seanettle,it has been six years,i try very hard,but you are right it has been a long time since i walked see the birds chirping and feel that sunlight. Somehow i am just frd up with all the things i do to come back again from where i started. It is a roller coaster ride for me. I know for these six years i coped it and i think in future too i have to do the same. But it really gets into my nerve seeing those fake friends,competition in my job. But i think i can do this,i have been so alone coping it that i now hate the company of others. I am thankful to you for giving me a simple suggestion but which i never thought of doing. Thank you once again.
      Report / Delete Reply
    • Posted

      Thank you seanettle,it has been six years,i try very hard,but you are right it has been a long time since i walked see the birds chirping and feel that sunlight. Somehow i am just frd up with all the things i do to come back again from where i started. It is a roller coaster ride for me. I know for these six years i coped it and i think in future too i have to do the same. But it really gets into my nerve seeing those fake friends,competition in my job. But i think i can do this,i have been so alone coping it that i now hate the company of others. I am thankful to you for giving me a simple suggestion but which i never thought of doing. Thank you once again.
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    • Posted

      You're welcome. I wish I had more to suggest but, yeah, that's pretty much it.

      Thank you as well. Keep to your priciples and don't give up hope. Things will change.

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