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Hi all. I have never been a member in a forum before, so please bear with me as this is all very new to me. I would just like to know if anyone else experiences what I experience, or anything similar.
I have suffered with depression for many many years, I am a 39 year old female. I have always managed to work and maintain some kind of "normal" life on and off medication. 4.5 years ago I had an accident on an ice-rink and ruptured my ACL and PCL ligaments (main ligaments that hold knee together). NHS told me the pain I felt was "in my head, and it is normal for people with depression". For over a year I was hobbling around in agony, I had to give up my Uni place ( mature student) and could no longer drive. The medical staff made me feel like I was faking it, and it did some damage to my already depressed state of mind. After a year I finally told them if they didn't put a camera in my knee to investigate it thoroughly I would go private and sue them if anything was found ( was a bluff as I was now unemployed on benefits). They investigated my knee and discovered the damge so i had total ligament replacement x2 . Due to the fact it had been left so long, my knee had "deformed" as in it won't bend fully and won't straighten fully, I walk with a heavy limp and take painkillers few times a day ( Strong ones). I stayed on disabilty for 3 years, and I became agoraphobic, and literally didn't leave my house. I sank into deep depression and trusted no one. Anyway, 1.5 years ago I started my own company from home ( by pure accident by the way) and it grew so fast, I now have staff and work from a warehouse unit. My problem is I still feel miserable... I know that sounds weird, I should be happy with what I have and what I have achieved, but everyday I still struggle, I cry non stop, and still do not go out very much unless it is to work, and even some days that is hard. People tell me I " have nothing to be depressed about" and it has lead me to "pretend I am ok".. I feel like I am being ungrateful. For years I had dreamed of owning my own business, and I worked extrtemely hard to get it, but I still feel so empty every day. I have been put back on Mirtazapine 30mg 10 days ago and I actually think my crying is slowing down, I also think my mind is working differently, but I still have an emptyness I can't get rid of. Does anyone else feel this way, no matter what you have in your life, and whom you have around you, do you still feel empty? I would really appreciate any shared experiences from you. Thank you for reading. Kind regards Michelle
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