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I am not human anymore....

Posted , 8 users are following.

maddysmom2015
maddysmom2015

I didn't know where else to turn....Peri is breaking me down.  

The medication I am using for an anal fissure (a blood pressure medicine) has made my periods come every 18 days.  So I have about 4 functional days a month now. I am crying and raging all the time.

My brain fog is so dense I can get work done only about an hour every other day or so. 

I have an anal fissure.  A pain you would not wish on a war criminal.

My best friend, who is like a sister, is in S. Africa for a year.  (I am not married and don't deal with my abusive family of origin.) So my social support feels decimated.

My job is so stressful I am losing sleep, grinding my teeth, and eating junk. (Getting a period every other week doesn't help with that either.

I feel so alone that at times I am crushed by it. I am sick of all the responsibilities that all fall on me. I am in such a state of overwhelm, I can't even unload the dishwasher.

And I am so angry all the time I feel like I am sandpaper in human form, if that makes sense. 

My regular coping strategies, journaling, exercise, reading, aren't relieving the pressure. I cannot even approximate normal, human behavior anymore.

Sorry to unload. I knew the ladies on this forum would understand. 

0 likes, 14 replies

14 Replies

  • Sassyr12a
    Sassyr12a maddysmom2015

    Posted

    Hi maddysmom

    I'm sorry you are having such a terrible time of it. I feel your pain.... Including that fissure - you're right, worst pain I ever had in my life!! You didn't mention in your post whether you are taking anything fir your symptoms? Hrt or bhrt etc? I'm 43, on bhrt since March and doing much better xx

    • maddysmom2015
      maddysmom2015 Sassyr12a

      Posted

      Hi Sassy,

      I am not taking anything for my symptoms. I am off the fissure medicine next week. So I am  hoping that my periods return to a more "normal" peri schedule. (Who knows what that is?)  

      I tried some bioidentical hormone creams. But they didn't help. I don't know my family history. And my GYN was reluctant to prescribe HRT for the brain fog, screaming rages and psychological overwhelm. I think they listen for key words like 'hot flash",  'flooding' and 'night sweat.' If you don't use those terms, you don't get HRT in the US. 

      My therapist said "just get a hysterectomy." Like doctors perform those as elective surgeries. Now I need a new therapist too. 

      If I were any more of a misanthrope, I would be a desert hermit. 

      Thanks so much for checking in today. Hearing from all of you has truly helped. 

  • tracy02319
    tracy02319 maddysmom2015

    Posted

    Hi Maddy

    I can sympathise with you , I feel the rage and I use to be on top of everything now I don't seem to be able to renew a car insurance policy without it being such a responsibility.

    The good news is this is all normal , I read all these comments and some days I think how lucky I am to have all these poor women who go through worse symptoms than me . Solider on and make your self exercise.

    Let's hope the end is nigh .

    Much love across the globe x

    • maddysmom2015
      maddysmom2015 tracy02319

      Posted

      I hear you about the insurance policy.  My pet sitter quit and I quickly spiraled from looking for a new sitter, to bankruptcy, homelessness, and death on the street. It probably took me about 6-7 seconds. I cannot handle even the most basic, adult tasks without a complete meltdown. 

      Thanks so much for the sweet thoughts. I feel them! XO

  • Sochima822
    Sochima822 maddysmom2015

    Posted

    Maddy, for the anal fissure try some polysporin or Neosporin to help xure it, also any hemorrhoid suppositories with lidocaine helps ease the pain. Also, to avoid anal fissures eat fiber or steamed vegetables that are softer to digest, not hard or blanch. Eat foods with liquids not dry. Hope this helps.
    • Sochima822
      Sochima822

      Posted

      oops typo...xure is cure
  • Guest
    Guest maddysmom2015

    Posted

    Hi Maddysmom,  I am sorry and can relate to you with everything feeling like climbing Mt. Everest.  I am a mess because of this peri crap...I get dizzy and driving freaks me out.  I used to drive for hours without a problem!  I’m on an AD, and it is helping me a little, but it’s still hard.  Hang in there, we definitely all understand 🤗

    • maddysmom2015
      maddysmom2015 Guest

      Posted

      Me too! Part of what makes me crazy about the increased frequency of my periods is that I really should not be behind the wheel.  That means a lot of planning and canceling plans. I do not have the actual brain power to manage either of those things. 

      I am going to my GP to see if she will prescribe a sleep aid. Then I can use my anxiety meds exclusively during the day. 

      Thanks for understanding. I am such a wreck.  

  • samantha42264
    samantha42264 maddysmom2015

    Posted

    I've been there, still there some days. I went through 5 years of anxiety attacks and very low moods...oh and have had rage the first couple of years. Right now for the most part the low moods and anxiety attacks seem to be hiding, the anxiety does show itself once and awhile. It's the brain fog that won't go away, I feel stunned, my brain feels like I have a bad head cold and too an overdose of night time cold meds, without the cold, I feel stunned and dumb. I lay in bed and can tell there are actual intelligent thoughts in there but it's like there is a bubble around those thought so they can't get out (if that makes any sense at all)

    While the anxiety doesn't pop up as much anymore, if I try to do something too much out of my "normal" I start to feel it come on, so I avoid those things as much as possible, even if they could end up being something fun. I have a car I need to sell, I am not using it, bought another one, it's been sitting in the driveway but the thought of posting it online and people calling and messaging me about it makes me feel anxious, so I guess I'll just keep it forever ? seems easier.

    What you are going through is normal, not fun at all, but normal.

  • katyD211
    katyD211 maddysmom2015

    Posted

    Big hugs to you, sweetheart...I hear you loud n clear. I also can empathize with everything you've listed except the fissure..which I hear is a genuine horror.

    Breathe in deeply, let it out, close your eyes and conjure up happy moments.

    We will get through this...

    • maddysmom2015
      maddysmom2015 katyD211

      Posted

      Thanks, KatyD! I kept your message open all weekend. I've done the breathing and visualizing. It has helped tremendously. I was at my wit's end for sure. So much old pain mingles with the new, physical and psychological pain. It's hard to even tease apart what is the most upsetting....

      Love to you! XXOO

       

  • juanita93228
    juanita93228 maddysmom2015

    Posted

    I also have a anal fissure. I used some suppositories called Hemotreat. All natural. I also used the cream. It healed my fissure in 30 days. I got it on Amazon. But it was so good they don't carry it anymore. Now I keep this stuff called Panicura on hand just in case I have a flare up.

    • maddysmom2015
      maddysmom2015 juanita93228

      Posted

      Hi Juanita,

      Thanks for the reply! I was able to get an Rx and tried a homeopathic medication from forces of nature.  I am on the mend with that....but the frequency of my period and the pain was so overwhelming! I was fortunate to be off from my full time teaching job this summer. I don't know how I would have managed otherwise.

      I will look for panicura.  I am not a chill person who takes life as it comes. So I can surely see another flare in my future. redface

      Thanks to you for responding. I feel much less alone! My period is at it's apex today. So tomorrow should be better. XXOO

    • juanita93228
      juanita93228 maddysmom2015

      Posted

      I tried the forces of nature too. It didn't work for me. Panicura has their own website.

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