I am petrified that my depression is impacting my kids

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I am married with two beautiful kids and an extremely supportive wife for my depression diagnosis of roughly 28 years.,Though I've been told could be there from the age of my earliest comprehension.I have some medical issues;IBS and stomach trouble etc but nothing compared to Depression.I really don't care for myself but am petrified that my children can almost feel my deep unhappiness.I want so much to enjoy them growing up to see them laugh,love play but all i feel is fear and negativity.Does anyone else feel this,that when you should be enjoying every moment of their beautiful lives that you just feel dread?Please excuse my lousy punctuation and grammar;I find this  all extremely hard

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10 Replies

  • Posted

    I feel this too Richard! I am a grandma of 5 beautiful kids and I live in fear and unhappiness! This is my third time around with depression and. I am 68 yrs old and feel so insecure at times! I try to hid this from all my family and really Iam facing this alone except for my therapist! Are you taking any meds for your depression? I am on Zoloft this time around! Waiting for it to kick in,
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    • Posted

      I am taking medication at the moment,have been for about 28 years.prosaic ,seroxat and am now on cetrolene.I am 49 years old now and the hardest part for me today is that the sun is shining outside its about 30 degrees here in ireland and though i know its an extremeley beautiful day;i just can.t feel it.my job as  a school caretaker is very easy but sometimes even my simple tasks feel so difficult.
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    • Posted

      Hi Richard. I know EXACTLY how you feel. Not much help I know but I feel I'm wasting everyday of my life. I suffer from depression and anxiety but am convinced there is something physically wrong causing it as I always have a stiff neck and headaches. Of course I've had every test imaginable that has not come up with anything. Medication can help but it takes a while to kick in and makes things worse at first. I've just changed meds and I'm not feeling great. I hope things get better for us soon. God bless

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    • Posted

      Hi Alan,Thanks.We both know at this stage,that depression is a catch 22 situation,sometimes we want to talk but feel that it will absolutely do no good.Ssometimes the people who really love us want to talk but we feel horrible for placing that birden on them,but i do honestly feel that what me and you are doing right now by talking on this forum is really helping:

      I suppose because in an ironic way because we dont know each other and cant transfer our birdens.I think we strenghen each other just by sharing our experience. 

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  • Posted

    Hi Richard, Firstly dont feel guilty with suffering from depression we didnt choose this SOB of an illness wink Your kids will love you unconditionally deep down even if they dont say, it is like a vibe in them, sub concious kinda. Are you on any medication for your depression? have you ever been ? I tried the CBT but wasnt rehearsed enough to fully combat my anxiety/depression solely on it, so took citalopram 20mg for just under a year it worked even though the side effects were anoying.... YET I must say compared to the actual illness very bearable! Talk to your kids if you think that would help wink keep strong brother!

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  • Posted

    I doubt very much that your illness is impacting on your kids. They should see you for who you are.
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