I am so lost and i don't know what to do anymore. Help ?!
Posted , 4 users are following.
Hey guys,
I just recently moved to study at university. I was kinda excited and happy i made this choice, until a week or 2 later when i started to feel like i was so out of place. For the first week me and my flat mates went out a lot and it was fun dont get me wrong. I like living on my own aswell. Its just i dont seem to be able to find my place. I feel like i shouldnt be in education anymore that ive had enough of it. I sometimes have these panic attacks where i just cry and i just wanna get tickets to go back home. I did that once went home i thought it would make things better but it didnt. I feel so down, i wanna lay in bed all day and watch movies or just sit and cry. I dont know what to do with my life anymore who i want to become or who i want to be. I just want to curl into a ball and stay like that and cry. I dont know what it is as ive never felt like that before.
I hope someone understand please help 
1 like, 16 replies
chris24688 lia09436
Posted
Oh I understand and I don't quite know how to say this but sometimes you gotta force yourself to do at least something productive a day to make yourself feel valuable I'm at the spot where you're at right now and probably much older than you so hanging get up out of that darn bed do something whether it's washed dishes and run the vacuum and say okay I did something and then next day try to do two things and the next day three things I hope that helps
katehippy lia09436
Posted
Hi Lia, don't worry petal a lot of people go through this, you're really not alone. I know of two other people who felt completely out of their depth, scared and depressed when they first started Uni. Everything is so chaotic, because you're meeting new people, judging yourself academically, being in a new environment, feeling judged by others...
I'm guessing your trip home didn't help as your folks just want to know you're going well, and not that you're struggling?
Try and focus on one thing at a time - the things you CAN do, and not anything you're unsure of. You've got a lot going on babe, don't be hard on yourself.
xx
lia09436 katehippy
Posted
thank you for your advice and I do try and calm down but one way or another these negative thoughts come rushing back. do you think it would be good for me to maybe take a gap year and work and think about what I want to do? instead of forcing this and being so miserable all the time ? maybe I just wasn't ready to take his step and go to uni ?
Dakota232 lia09436
Posted
Taking a gap year sounds like a great idea. A lot of students just aren't ready to attend university but are pressured into it by society, their parents, fears of not succeeding, etc.
If you don't feel like you can succeed in university right now, don't force yourself. Take a year or two to yourself, get a part-time job, volunteer somewhere. Learn the lessons that school doesn't always teach or prepare you for. Then go back when you're ready.
lia09436 Dakota232
Posted
Yes I think that's what I need to do. Thank you so much for advice. I just need time to figure everything out.
b36593 lia09436
Posted
You are absolutely not alone. When I went to college I was doing really well I thought until one day everything hit me and I wanted to quit and didn't want to anything. Others have said but I will re-say sometimes you have to just force yourself to do something even small to get moving. Sometimes even the thought of doing a stomach crunch seems insurmountable but that is my first step when I have those moments. Even now I have those moments after school and in a job. If you need to take a year do so but in that time work with a doc and or therapist to help re prepare you for your return.
We are hear for you and wish you the best
eric86898 lia09436
Posted
Hi, Lia! It's perfectly normal to have mixed feelings about leaving home and being out on your own. Do you remember what was going on at the time you started to have the feelings of being out of place?
lia09436 eric86898
Posted
I remember it was after my first week which was the welcome week. I got a flu so I was in bed most of the time limit and then I kinda started thinking what on earth am I doing here at one point. I had no need of going to lectures and having these inductions. I thought I've had enough of eduration and I don't really want to be here.
eric86898 lia09436
Posted
Do you think maybe that you really weren't interested in going to college in the first place? I consider myself to an unreasonably "nice" person. Lol And what I mean by that is I'm a people pleaser. I don't like to upset people, even if it means to just sweep my own feelings under the rug! I don't like confrontation either. It feels too threatening. Crazy right? I've had this tendency for as long as I can remember. It most likely had to do with my childhood upbringing. It's a tendency I'm trying to modify. Would you consider yourself to be a "nice" person?
lia09436 eric86898
Posted
eric86898 lia09436
Posted
It matters to the extent that your sacrificing your own feelings at the expense not hurting someone elses feelings, maybe a loved one, a close friend etc. For example, a person may not want to attend a family gathering, but their family members insist they go. The "nice" person gives in and goes, even if they weren't interested in going. And to be clear, that person has every right to decline and it doesn't mean anything other than they just didn't feel like going. Then maybe days or weeks later they start experiencing symptoms of anxiety and they conlcude that it just came out of nowhere. Does that make any sense?
lia09436 eric86898
Posted
Yeah it does make sense but I dont think it was anything like that I don't know what it is to be honest I think I just wasn't readynamic for such a change yet.
eric86898 lia09436
Posted
Well that would make sense! Maybe you weren't ready for the change. Did you feel like you were telling yourself that maybe you shouldn't have those feelings of not being ready for change?
lia09436 eric86898
Posted
Yeah at some point I said to myself stop over thinking you should be here studying and everything will be OK and that these will be the most amazing three years of my life. But these feelings are here for a reason and maybe I rushed into this uni thing and I wasn't ready and maybe I'm just scared of dropping out and being the failure as this was something I thought I would succeEd with. I think I made my decision now though Im gonna have a gap year to sort all this out x
eric86898 lia09436
Posted
That makes sense. Expectations are powerful, but even if you did fail at it, doesn't mean your a failure! There's no such thing as a failure. These are labels that we attach to ourselves and they serve no purpose. Failing isn't such a bad thing either considering everyone fails at something! It's a tough concept to grasp, but the more you think about it, the more sense it makes.