I can’t control my body and urs driving me crazy I just want to understand
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I have had clinical depression for years and I have been receiving treatment for years. I need help understanding something that I have trouble with. I also have ADHD and have been receiving the same medication without issues for years. This is something I am incredibly ashamed of and have not admitted to my therapist yet ( i plan to in our upcoming session). There are times when I cannot control my body or get it to do something i badly wish to do. I'm not talking about not being able to get out of bed, this is a bit different from that but my thought is that it might be related. A specific example is that i cannot put my debit card back in my wallet (i know this sounds stupid but im really struggling). i'm not concerned about holding up a line or trying to get of the way. i put it loose in my bag or in my pocket and i always lose it. i dont forget to put it back in my wallet, in fact as i hold my debit card i am actively begging myself to just put it back in my wallet. to just do it. and i cant. no matter how much effort i put into it i watch it go in my backpack loose. its not really a shortcut since i put my wallet back anyways. its like im not in control anymore. im physically healthy and i have no movement/muscular/skeletal issues. im not impaired. another example is my phone. im not addicted to my phone, if i dont have my phone im not itching for it. in fact ive been told by many people i need to get better at using my phone. but the few times i do use it to play a game or whatever i cant put it down. the game isnt that fun, im not enjoying myself. im not procrastinating a big project or avoiding dealing with stress. im literally not getting anything out of this experience . The other day all i wanted to do was turn on the tv. the remote was within reach. i couldnt put it down. it took me an hour to turn on the tv. and by that point i was very upset. know this is really long, and i know this might be nonsense and not be related to anything at all. but if anyone has any insight or any advice i would really appreciate it. I keep telling myself to just do it and to get into the habit but its been years and i really just want to understand.
0 likes, 2 replies
sam18386 Idontunderstand
Edited
hi there, i don't know your name and it seemed easier putting that! i think this is 2 things - 1 you are looking for security of some description so hold on to something physically to get that, the other thought i had is this is a bit like OCD. ADHD manifests itself in so many ways and can like dyslexia and all types of difficulty have other problems attached . stop being so hard on yourself, you are you and if anyone doesn't like that then it's tough! do what you need to and be honest with your therapist, if they don't understand they are not for you. you need to work out what is holding you back doing what you need to do. i wish you luck with your therapy, it's tough but hopefully it should help!
stephen37988 Idontunderstand
Edited
It sounds more complicated. Is there confusion when this happens ? Are you panicked at the time ?
Or maybe day dreaming thinking about something that the situation reminds you of. Did something bad or scary happen in your past and maybe the phone ,the credit card , the remote brings you back but you block it out. If so you might have PTSD and it is curbing you around those thoughts in order to protect you.
Sometimes we are unaware of things that happened to us.
I suggest that you share this problem with someone who you trust that would never judge you. Then literally exercise these actions with your trusted friend who is there to help push you past your barriers as a coach . Repeat , until you can do it without hesitation.
Do it without thought and don't dwell on it.