I can't cope...

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For the past month or so, I have been feeling down. I have been feeling depressed and not like myself at all. First of all, I don't know what is wrong with me (I'll describe the symptoms below):

-My toes are sore as hell and sometimes have red spots in them.

-My eyes sting like mad. 

-I am fatigued.

-My head gets sore sometimes.

-My stomach is easily upset.

-I sometimes have panic attacks.

-My ears ring.

-My right side of my body is sore.

-Dry lips and small rash on face,

I haven't got a proper diagnosis yet, so I fear for the worst. I am usually bubbly and enthusiastic, but recently I have been a depressed, nervous wreck who thinks they have no future.

I have been worrying a lot when there is absolutely no need to worry, because I consciously know that nothing bad is going to happen to me. I feel like I have no future, but I know I am going to have one and that I am going to get better within the next few months. 

Also, my subconscious is playing tricks on me. It knows that my sight is healthy, but it stills echoes to me:

'I don't wanna go blind..." 

When it has no need to. Is there any way of getting it to stop? Any way of reprogramming it or distracting it? I'm not afraid of the thought, but I don't want to go blind. I try to look after my eyesight, but I don't want my subconscious echoing that same thought to me day in day out. I want a new set of optimistic thoughts. 

Please help me out. Thanks.

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  • Posted

    It sounds like you have anxiety and depression, speak to your gp if your really concerned, because anxiety will make everything 100 times worse, and really you probably have nothing wrong with you except your mind telling you there is, its a viscious cycle, I have health anxiety, its hard but you have to keep telling yourself things are OK, your not ill,but like I said if you really are concerned go and speak to somebody, I've had blood tests and I'm having a ct scan, mostly to put my mind at ease, I think depression and anxiety go close in hand, I think I suffer with some depression but mildly however I do know I have health anxiety, and this can manifest in so many ways, from physical to emotional and psychological, just know you are not alone in your daily struggle .☺
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    • Posted

      Today I went to see a specialist and they diagnosed me with depression. And some anxiety. I just want it to end. When I think about what might be happening to me, I cry.

      On Wednesday, I was reduced to tears with my depression. I didn't know what was wrong with me. I still don't. But now I am okay and happy because everything seems to be functioning alright. At the moment.

      I also have severe demotivation to do anything. I just wanna sleep all the time. Sleep is the only time I have peace from my thoughts. Sleep is the only time I can forget about my stomach, eyes and toes.

      I also worry a lot about my future, because I dunno where I am going with it, or what tomorrow brings. I don't have a stable job, I feel sick and worry too much about rubbish in my subconscious coming true when it won't. My eyeballs will not explode. My stomach will not explode. I am overthinking everything. I need to stop. It's hard to.

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    • Posted

      Why don't you consider low dose meds? There not for every1, but maybe just to help, I have diazepam for as and when needed just to take the edge off, ☺
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  • Posted

    Dear Wontly

    You do know what is wrong with you. You are suffering from Depression and Anxiety like many, many thousands of other people (me included). You already have a great sense of insight into your situation because you know that the anxious 'voices' are trying to fool you into being scared. This is great insight. You know nothing is wrong with you (which is true) but you are bugged by the anxious thoughts. Anxiety will always tell you that there is something 'wrong' with you. If it isn't 'going blind' then it's 'going mad' or 'having a heart attack'  or, best of all, 'an unknown and mysterious disease that the doctors dont know about'. This is all horse manure! The only thing that is 'wrong' with you is that you are anxious, which cannot harm you. There are differnt ways of dealing with the thoughts. See what works for you.

    1) Occupy your mind with something that takes up your full attention and deliberate ignore the anxious thoughts. I find doing something creative helps.

     2) Give the thoughts a definite amount of time every day, say ten minutes, at a specific time. That's all they are allowed.Time it and dont go over the time. After that, ignore them.

    3) Just allow the thoughts in and let them float around. Dont try to stop them or fight them. But dont believe them. let them come and go. They are only thoughts. 4) Write the thoughts down. Just write a stream of consciousness untill it runs out, blah, blah, blah. They are just automatic anxious thoughts produced by your conditioning and dont mean anything at all.

    5) Train yourself to say  the word 'STOP' forcefully every time they happen. Keep doing this.

    6) Choose a mantra or a positive saying or prayer and just keep repeating it in your head (or out loud if alone) constantly when the anxious thought occur to drown them out.

    7) Begin a meditation practice. 10 minutes a day. Observe the thoughts rather than get involved  with them. You will probaly need to go to a class or learn it out of a book.

    All of these methods take time to become effective so you will need to be patient. You are re-training your mind, so view it the same way as if you are starting at the gym. Start off small and your 'muscle' will build up over time.

    Two other things are important. Exercise and Rest. Go for a brisk walk or run every day to use up the adrenaline. And learn a relaxation exercise. There are many out there. Keep it simple and be kind to yourself. If you dont manage to do what you have planned, forgive yourself for being human and try again the next day. Dont beat yourself up, you dont deserve it. Give it time. Slowly, slowly, catchee the monkey! Hugs and Love. Hope some of this helps. Good luck.

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