I can't let anxiety beat me!!!

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I am a 22 year old female living with anxiety. Iv always been a worrier and worry what people think all the time but this had never affected my mental health. Iv always been a great eater and love going to concerts on holiday abroad and going out socialising.

In October I went on holiday with my current boyfriend and had to phone the doctor to come to my room . Feeling sick shaking sweating and generally must unwell. I just put it down to something I ate or the sun. Returned home and all these symptoms went .

Couple of months later I went to my doctors still complaining of feeling ill, so after months of tablets and endoscopes (which all came back clear) I told my doctor I was convinced , whilst on holiday I had a panic attack.

Since being diagnosed , I'm totally scared of eating in public incase I'm sick infront of everyone and having panic attacks out of my comfort zone . It's not being scared of sock it's the embarrassment. I constantly feel low , tired and want to cry at everyone always thinking "why me? Why is everyone else leading a normal life?" I'm petrified of going back on holiday incase the same thing happens to me again . This constant feeling sick and scared to of going to public places and hating the feeling of being full is getting me down. I just sent to enjoy life again!

I'm currently on Propanolol which calms me down buy doesn't help me emotionally !

I'm just looking for help and advice!

HELP!

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  • Posted

    hi , i dont know if you read my post but i know where you are coming from in some sense with anxiety , basically its rulling my life , i dont go out unless i have too , my heart starts pounding with a knock at the door , loud noises even shake me up .... im a nervous wreck tbh and im 28 years of age , all i want is to live life , travel and do great adventures etc ... only thing i do is eat ,try to get through the day and try to sleep which is shocking because my mind is racing constantly .....
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  • Posted

    Hi, thanks for your comment. Because I was ill on holiday I'm scared I'm going to be ill everywhere I go! I can't go out for meals or even partying which I love sad . And yes like yourself I'm scared of going anywhere sad luckily I'm still working but it's a highly stressf job which doesn't help . Are you on any medication or been

    Counselling ?

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  • Posted

    like your self i used to love going out , not clubbing as it were but just going round the pubs etc , now i cant do that , i barely leave my house unless i have too , im basically a introvert nowadays and i hate it , .... you sound strong because your still working , i wish i could right now because theres so much in life i want to do ...ive worked since leaving school but been out of work 2 years in march this year because of how this creeped up on me , it was always there though , just grabbed me bigtime and had a breakdown ... im on mirtazapine and propanolol too , gonna go back to docs and ind the right ones for me though , im 28 and i feel like a loser , a complete waste of space .....hope you get well soon
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  • Posted

    I know I completely understand mine has come

    Out of the blue aswell . I just have to go to work otherwise il drive myself insane, I did have a month off though. Your not a waste of space trust me with the right help you'll get there. Although I do feel that props lol is not helping emotional but it does calm me down (whether it's just cos I

    Know iv taken something) it's great to talk to someone who knows what's going on . People just don't understand and just because you have a smile on your face some

    Days everyone thinks your fine sad

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  • Posted

    you sound really cool , i cant remember the last i smiled , i dont even get in photos with my sisters and there fellas and my mum and dad , ..... i hate looking in the mirror because all i see sadness , im not even a bad looking person either , im no oil painting either but my anxiety has weighed me down so much that i no longer believe in myself ...... im glad i found this site tbh ...everybody is so nice ... i even cry at the slightest thing , example , undercover boss and the boss gives the hard worker a gift of money etc , anything like that , anything sad and i want to cry , makes me feel less than a man lol i know we all cry but you know what i mean
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  • Posted

    I know I have them days , things that's help me is when I'm in an uncomfortable situation I just concentrate on breathing and think nothing can hurt me I'm fine. As for the scared of being sick thing , I'm know I'm not. I have been on trains and to concerts within the past month which I'm proud about but my boyfriend has secretly booked me a holiday to Florida which I petrified about cos I can barely eat at home but I'm not letting it stop me doing what I love. Have you tried going for walks and things? With someone you feel comfortable with and know you feel safe? I know I found this site when I was really down sad locked into bedroom for about a week I can't believe how common it is!! As sometime I think I'm going crazy! But it's learning how to deal with I think and it helps to know how other people have gotten better smile
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  • Posted

    sounds like your bf is a really nice guy , hold on to him :-) ... i did everything for my ex but she never understood how i felt , i booked a great hotel room , put rose petals in a heart all over bed , brought wine etc chocs and still got mouthed at .....

    all i ever got from her was pull yourself together .........

    im isolated now , i have no friends because of this , all i have is my family ... im pretty much used to it now and its like normality ... i just wanna get better , meet nice genuine friends and maybe a nice las in the future , but thats far off at the moment .

    whats your eating pattern ??

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  • Posted

    Yeah he is , even though he has no clue aboutt what's going on he tries to understand. Which is really hard for him sometimes when I'm crying for no reason and I don't wanna go eat nothing so he will sit there starving and I feel so bad!

    I eat crap to be honest . I work odd times so it's hard to eat a decent meal so I end up snacking and eating something quick. When the anxiety is playing up I can't eat big meals cos I'm scared of feeling full and being sick infront of everyone ( this has deffo come from the panic attack I had in Egypt as I had to run out the restaurant and ran to the toilet and collapsed on he floor sad) are your family supportive ? I know it sounds daunting but try build up the courage (easier said than done I know) just to go out for a coffee for an hour ? The more you do it you'll find it easier to go out? That's what I did , I thought I had to get out and fight .

    I'm just not the same person anymore , really low self esteem

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  • Posted

    Hi Kimberley,

    When I read your very first paragraph I recognised myself! Always a worrier since later childhood when shyness hit, I have always worried about how others see me and what they think of me. Like you, I can pinpoint what triggered my first panic attack...

    I was on a small school trip in the 6th form. As I was last to arrive at the bus station I ended up on a makeshift seat at the back of a small minibus. Being a travel-sickness sufferer since being 6 months old I was fearful from the start as I should have been sitting at the very front. Winding roads worsened things and I remember getting to the outskirts of a town and muttering to a friend that I felt sick. She told the teacher who asked if I could make it out the other side as we couldn't stop....I think I nodded....then violently threw up all over his newspaper!

    To add insult to injury, even though I must have been 17 or so, he was the first and only teacher I had ever had a crush on and it was more mortifying than ever! I had to spend a miserable day at Manchester Uni smelling awful and feeling mentally dreadful!

    After that episode my panic attacks began...I could no longer face school assemblies and I was terrified of journeys. I never told anyone - not my closest friend, not even my parents. When in the back of their car (my mum always had to sit in the front as she suffered travel sickness too) I would start to get tingling in my fingertips, then lips and toes. As minutes wore on the tingling would spread further into hands and feet, then they would start going numb. At the worst point my hands would be rigid and claw-like and my lips would be too numb and stiff to speak and I would be rocking slightly and breathing very shallowly. Eventually the numbness would start to subside and I would return to normal and relax and be ok for the rest of the journey. I used to take travel tablets as a child, but then progressed to Diocalms which settled the stomach (which would be churning horribly, making me dash to the loo many times in scary situations).

    I don't think I was ever actually sick but I was so afraid of "disgracing" myself, like I did in the minibus, that the fear grew and grew. Any visit to the doctor, dentist, or boyfriend's family made me panic too. As years went by I had several other boyfriends and kept quiet about my shameful secret. One of the worst times was sitting in a small cinema and being so overwhelmed by fear and nausea that I had to dash out before the feature started, barely able to walk properly because of the numbness in my feet. My boyfriend came out when I didn't return and I just said I wasn't well and we left.

    I ended up marrying someone I was at school with and I eventually confessed my secret. He was cool about it and we avoided some of the situations that would trigger an attack. I always started to get the feelings at his works' Christmas parties but I found that being in sight of the exit and knowing where toilets were would help me relax (and a little alcohol!) and I wouldn't dwell on things. I could then enjoy the whole meal and evening ahead.

    I also read that, with travel sickness, if you are prepared fos sickness (had paperbags and wipes to hand, just in case) you worry less about actually being sick and then you are usually ok. I started to practice this and it seemed to work. Things didn't work out after a few years and I remarried. I told my new man my problems and he was very helpful. He had to be! His job meant more socialising and his family were used to going out for meals to celebrate birthdays etc so I had to learn to manage my feelings and get my panic attacks under control or they would ruin our lives and for what? We honeymooned in Canada - 8 hours flight and I had never been on a plane before! I sought advice and took a natural remedy from Boots the chemist. I had so much to worry about - not just the flight but a long taxi journey to the airport, a taxi in Toronto, and 10 days on a coach! I survived the lot - though I had some bad moments with the coach travel, but some could have been due to altitude sickness - and I think it made me stronger.

    Last year I had to spend several hours in the back of our vehicle, over 3 hours on a ferry, and another few hours iin the back of the car on our trip to Southern Ireland, but I did not have a single panic attack. I have managed numerous visits to country houses over recent years - places where an escape route cannot be planned. At one time that would have been impossible!

    I am just trying to reassure both of you that panic attacks CAN be beaten. I have never told a doctor about them but I did eventually tell my closest friends and partners. Telling your loved ones, family or friends, that you have a problem and need their help in trying to overcome it is a huge step in the right direction. I have been lucky in that the only person to ever tell me to stop being stupid and snap out of it has been...MYSELF! Coming on these forums jus shows how very common anxiety issues and panic attacks are. Anxiety causes the panic. I have learned to live with my fears and to try and reduce them by concentrating on other things. I am now 49 and the triggers are still there but I am better equipped at dealing with them. I still have to check out toilet locations at unfamiliar venues and form an exit plan. Just in case.

    Maybe those three words are more important than I have realised - "just in case". In case I start feeling sick and shaky...where can I go? At what point will I get up and go out? It just takes a few minutes to reassure myself and I don't have time to get panicky. Exit strategy in place I can relax. It really works.

    Last night we went out to a comedy gig to an unknown venue. When we first got the invitation I assumed it was a small pub-like club - everyone round small tables in a cosy atmosphere. Yesterday I needed to check out the venue online to see how to get there, and horror of horrors - it was a theatre! The kind of place I have not been into for several decades! All the old fears came flooding back and I had to text a friend for a little subliminal hand-holding to get me through it! We were first to get there so I had a small alcoholic drink to help calm my nerves as I located the loos. Once inside the theatre I managed to get the end seat for a quick exit - and within minutes I was relaxed and enjoying the experience. It was only a fairly small theatre and I'm not sure how I would be in a really large venue like the London Apollo - but I survived!

    I am sorry if all this waffle has been boring but I just wanted to illustrate that you CAN get through these awful feelings but you can't expect to do it alone. Had these forums been around 30 years ago I think my recovery would have been a lot lot quicker!

    To BOTH of you, and anyone else reading this, PLEASE don't feel worthless or stupid. This anxiety is so very common. It could be affecting your own friends or family to some degree, and they too could be too scared or ashamed to admit it! I too have terrible bouts of low self esteem and I feel stupid (at my age a lot is hormonal now) but speak to other people - people you trust - especially Startingfresh - you will find that even the support of one person can help immensley in turning things around. Diverting your mind is a powerful tool, but it's finding something that will stop you dwelling on your fears, if just for a short while, that can be difficult.

    Hang in there, both of you, and you will get to a better place but there is no quick fix. I wish you both all the best x

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  • Posted

    Thank you for your feedback. I can relate to what your saying it s the embarrassment of a situation that you've experienced which is the worst. I just try and think to myself how likely is it going to happen again....not very high! Like you, I still have to check out where the nearest toilets are which kinda makes me feel better . And yea I agree if you have the mind frame of yes I will do it. I will beat it. Then a step at a time will make something a bit easier.
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  • Posted

    Yes - it's far too easy to be too hard on yourself, but at any one time the stranger next to you could be facing the same traumatic feelings, or fighting any number of their own personal demons. The human mind is very complex and powerful. My husband has often said I'm not happy unless I am worrying about something! My mind just has to latch on something to worry about!

    One tip for if you do feel queazy for any reason. I always carry a packet of ginger biscuits with me if I am travelling or facing a scary situation (like last night). If you can stomach ginger (and I have a friend who can't stand the stuff!) in some form it's long been known to help ease sickness in pregnancy and I find it helps with my nausea, whether real or imaginary. I can see how placebos work - if you believe they will they will - the power of the mind again!

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  • Posted

    Yes , like I said in a previous post I'm going on holiday for 2 week in Florida this scares me because of what happened in another foreign country. I never used to be like this I used to love roller coasters and thrill activities but now I'm too scared incase I'm sick infront of everyone and the thought of eating and and being full I know il start panicking I'm the middle of a restaurant . I do just keep thinking to myself don't be silly your overreacting , so I should be fine . I can't run away cos il be so annoyed if end up staying in the hotel room for the whole time!
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  • Posted

    I know how you feel. When we were in Canada 14 years ago I was a bag of nerves. I knew I could be genuinly travel sick so the thought of all that flying for the first time, then 10 days on a coach - it was terrifying. We had to face a different hotel almost every night - different restaurants and eateries several times a day. Luckily we could pretty much choose where to sit so it was always as close to the exit as possible. I would get panicky if I couldn't see where the loos were. The 2nd fortnight of the honeymoon was spent, after 2 days on a train (and much queaziness) travelling around western Canada in a hire car and another batch of new hotels etc.

    I found the larger restaurants could be daunting. We were told to visit one in Vancouver where there were chandeliers, lights, mirrors everywhere and hundreds of film stars' portraits adorned the walls. The whole ambience overwhelmed me and made me feel sick partway through the meal and we had to leave early. Mind you, the place affected hubby too so it wasn't so bad!

    At least your boyfriend knows you have this anxiety (even if he will never be able to truly know how it feels). Don't bottle up your fears. He sounds very understanding. You both know you hate feeling this way and you want to conquer your feelings. Let him know how your thoughts and worries can bring on the very reall fear of being sick in a public place (apparently this is a very common phobia) and maybe you can spend the time between now and your holiday devising ways for him to help distract your mind and stop it dwelling on what might happen.

    When I was struggling on our Canadian coach trip, unable to eat breakfast beforehand and becoming increasingly agitated, my husband handed me the camcorder and suggested I film some of the passing scenery. Within a short while I was so absorbed in that I forgot to feel sick! Our tour guide was very good and made sure the few of us who had travel sickness issues took it in turns to sit at the front and never at the very back. There was an onboard loo on the bus but I never once used it. We once found ourselves on the very back seat and the guide panicked when she found out, but I discovered I was fine there, even though it's the worst place to sit, as the loo was nearby and the coolbox of drinks was right behind me. I also thought that if I was ill no-one would really notice as I was in the back corner.

    I'm sure other people will say think about other things and keep your mind busy and you'll be fine. We both know that's easier said than done - but it does work. It's finding little ways to trick your mind to start with. If your boyfriend can continue to be patient with you, you WILL get through this. Don't try and bully yourself into thinking you'll be fine - take it slowly - reassure yourself that, ok, you will probably feel nervous and sickly so what will make you feel better at that moment? You already know there is no reason to be sick - it's just the fear - so you have the upper hand. I know, in the early days, I used to sit at a table with tingling numb lips and fingers but somehow I got through it and once the fear had passed it didn't come back until the next time I was in a similar situation. I think my mind got distracted by trying to get my hands and face to feel normal again and it took my thoughts away from my stomach. I already knew how to escape should the worst be about to happen so I had to worry about getting my extremities working again. I don't know what I did but I know it wasn't easy, but I had support. My hubby was prepared to get me out of there if I couldn't cope - knowing that helped me to cope. If your boyfriend will do the same for you, and it sounds as if he will, you'll find that knowledge very comforting and invaluable.

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  • Posted

    Thank you so much for your help ! smile just going to start with a positive mind set from now on . My mums also battled with this after losing my grandad 2 years ago. So I can talk to her aswell but I just wanted to know someone who has exactly the same experiences as me! Il be posting about things and how I get on with my holiday to see how I get on! Plus my mum and dad are coming to Florida with me so I should feel more comfortable!
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  • Posted

    Your holiday already sounds wonderful! There do seem to be a lot of positives to hold on to and that will help enormously! Growing up in a semi rural location and only living in a small town or the country after that, I was scared and overwhelmed by all the Canadian cities - or my thoughts of what could happen in them! It sounds as if you should have a fantastic time, and you'll have 3 people to help distract you!

    When you get to the point where you can suddenly stop in the middle of your day and think Hey...look what I just did / went through - and I feel fine!... You'll get quite euphoric! There's nothing quite like being proud of yourself, even over something others might find trivial, to lift your spirits and make you realise life can be so good again! Just know there will be blips and little set-backs, but never give up the positive thoughts! These things can happen to anyone at anytime - so never think you are weak or hopeless!

    Have a great time in Florida! When do you go?

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