I don’t know ow how to get back to normal

i really dont know what to do anymore. i feel so lost and just want to feel normal again. i had a miscarriage in aug at 11 weeks. it was very traumatic in the way i passed it and i regularly have flashbacks. i relive every moment to the exact detail. anyway i was unable to sleep after it and ended up having a huge panic attack (something ive never experienced before). since then i have had quite a few and suffering with severe health anxiety which i thought i had got rid of until this. i have had 6 sessions if counselling thru work for the anxiety but thats it. im finding myself crying every day, i see a baby or a pregnant woman and i just feel empty inside, i cant watch things in tv with babies and i avoid anything on social media. i feel like a huge part of me is missing but i feel so guilty for feeling like this because i have 4 beautiful healthy children who i love very much and i know i should be grateful for that. i just dont understand why im feeling like this and im not able to get over it. i feel like im trying to deal with that aswell as grief for loosing my nans and this anxiety and i just want to give up. will i ever feel normal again, i just feel like no one is out there to help, the dr just keeps fobbing me off. i dont want to take medication but i feel like theres no support out there

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