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I don't know what to do.

Posted , 4 users are following.

katie83916
katie83916

I'm not really sure if I have depression. I've never been diagnosed by a professional. I've read a lot of things and I have most if not all of the symptoms usually listed. I have troubles sleeping and when I do I don't sleep very well. After I wake up, sometimes I'll spend hours in bed. I'm tired all the time. My hands shake like crazy (I get people asking if I have Parkinson's). I hate a majority of things and every thing I do just makes me miserable. I think about things that make me happy and I start crying. The only time I remotely touch the surface of happiness is when I forget about everything. I've missed so many days of school and going to work just drains me. I do poorly at school when I do go because I can't concentrate from how tired I am. I can't remember anything and it's getting to the point where it's embarrassing. I've felt a lot of these things since I was 15 and I'm 21 now. The only one that has been some what recent is my missing school, but that's been followed by this weird physical sickness I have. My life is generally good if I thought of it from an outward perspective. I have two parents who love me. I have a great relationship with my sister. I have a job and I get a fair amount of hours at . I'm not terribly poor because I live with my parents (I have to pay for school and we have money problems sometimes but that's not so bad that it makes me feel insanely crippled). I have a few friends who are good to me and I love them. I realize I have a lot of opportunities in life. I have nothing to be sad about, but I think about my life and I become sad and angry. I have really bad days where I sum up my life and I feel no desire to live it. I've planned my death so many times. I love many people in my life and I don't wanna do that. I have many bad days where all I think about is dying and how sh*tty I am as a person and I think deep down inside I don't want to be this way. I've talked to my friends about how I feel and even my sister (which I don't feel so good about doing). Nothing really helps me. I don't wanna die hurting people. I've tried so many times to help myself. Now, I've gotten to the point where all I do is just make things harder for myself and I hate myself for doing it. Then, I get angry with myself more and it just becomes this miserable circle where I feel like a self-centred nothing. I disgust myself. I feel like I'm an unappreciative brat. I don't wanna be like this. I can't control it anymore. The days between my normal days and my bad days are getting shorter and shorter. I want to improve or at least not get worse and continuously make things harder for myself.

I've read a lot about how to get better and many of them say to talk to like a professional. I love my parents but they are terribly traditional and don't understand or believe in "mental illnesses". I know that sounds really weird, but it's just how they think. I live with them so it makes things a little complicated. I would have to go to see someone out of my own time and pocket money (which I don't have too much of). My parents always ask me where I am if I go out and I hate lying to them. It doesn't help that I'm kinda scared to talk to anyone about this seriously. I'm not quite sure what to do at all. I don't know what the best decision is for me. I really don't know what to do except for keep trying. I'm 21 and I feel like I've done nothing with my life but feel like this. I don't want this. I never did, but I can't even control anything anymore. What should I do?

1 like, 10 replies

10 Replies

  • silvaderica
    silvaderica katie83916

    Posted

    As far as dementia is concerned you can detect it through SAGE Test. You do not need special equipment to take SAGE just download it online and give a test. 

    But first you should consult a doctor. 

  • kirk05478
    kirk05478 katie83916

    Posted

    Don't panic, Katie. Please talk to a close freind, or a loved one, and contact a doctor. Tell them exactly what you wrote here. You're going to get through this.

    I'm praying for you.

    Kirk  :-)

  • zi2i
    zi2i katie83916

    Posted

    Katie,

    I have a dear friend who is a reliant doctor at Stanford. He always reminds me not to read so much and to go to a doctor. I found Patient here to be a wonderful support group. Something like group therapy with so many people saying and sharing important personal things. Our society seems to think that if you don't have a temperature or a missing limb there's nothing wrong with you. It's only very recent that mental illness is being acknowledged as something noteworthy. Much of society condones psychiatry whereas most of us would be much better off seeking therapy. Therapy is not a bad thing, it's a great and wonderful thing. Some of up have relatives be they parents, spouses, or siblings that don't believe in psychiatry. Or they will say only crazy people go to psychiatrists. Not so. Those very same people could benefit most from some sort of therapy.

    also, good therapists are far and few between and the road to finding one is a difficult one unless you live in LA or some such place.

    anyway, it's stencil that you see a doctor. It's also essential that you not only medicate but also seek all important therapy. 

    • katie83916
      katie83916 zi2i

      Posted

      Yeah. I live in a small town. I don't really expect much. I definitely agree with many of the things you say.
  • zi2i
    zi2i katie83916

    Posted

    Life is beautiful and way too short to suffer. Do what you can. Never blame yourself. Move to where you can get help. It's your life. Your priority is to be healthy. Be well.
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