I don't know why I am posting this

Posted , 7 users are following.

I have been getting some very vague suicidal thoughts the past few weeks,  not a plan or anything just a general wish that I wasn't here any more.  I am tired, and tired of living and coping and not seeing anything I want to live for.   I feel like this in company or alone.

I am still doing all the things I used to do but none of them bring me much pleasure any more.  I am not more depressed than usual,  i am quite buoyant and laugh and joke with the best of them but just have this feeling that I want to go and have peace from it all.

I am 61 now and don't have anything nice to be here for like kids or family who really want me or understand.   I feel like my body is starting to shut down and I will just fade away in the end.  

I don't have any plans but just a wish to be somewhere peaceful,  I am on ad's and have had counselling in the past and don't need advice to go see my dr.   I am just venting a bit (in a zombie type of way).   Is there an end in sight?   I hope so and soon.  x

 

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  • Posted

    Hi,

    I'm so sorry you are feeling this way.

    I can really relate to the feeling of just not having pleasure in things despite being able to laugh and joke. I think often it confuses others around as I can be outgoing and seemingly having fun but in fact I'm not. I don't know whether its an act we learn to adopt or a coping mechanism or what, but I know often my face and body language aren't saying how I feel inside.

    I won't give you any advice about seeing your dr or anything like that, as I'm sure by now you know yourself and your dr's ability to treat you.

    All I'm saying is things might get better.

    Sometimes I suddenly realise I am having/ have had a genuine happy moment, and I try and hope that these times become more frequent.

    I hope they do for you.

    I hope they do for us all!

    Just wanted to say hello anyway and that (as much as I know it doesn't really help sometimes) you aren't alone.

    There's always the possibility of things improving.

    Please take good care of yourself.

    Lots of love and best wishes xx

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  • Posted

    I think I know what you are trying to describe as I had a similar experience in my early sixties.

    In my case it was a feeling of empty existence, almost as if I had faded away into the very fabric of the house, but was still here.

    It was a strange feeling and not one that I would care to repeat.

    The othere thing I noticed was, whereas previously my family seemed to hang on my every word and pay attention to me, it was almost as if I had become inconsequental and unimportant to them.

    I actually did go to see my doctor about it and was told that it was a normal part of the aging process.

    I am now 71, and have to say that I never did get to the bottom of it, although a couple of years back it did suddenly dawn on me that this is maybe what they meant when they refer to the male menopause.

    I think the truth is that as we get older our bodies and our minds/attitudes do change, not for the better I might add, but in my case I did at least come to terms with it.

    As far as the family are concerned, well they, especially the grandchildren recognised that I suddenly appeared to get much older, but they still loved me, and if the truth be known probably more now than before because they finally realise that I won't be here forever.

    So to sum up then, I think that what you are experiencing and what I lived through is definitely connected with the process of getting older.

    Is there any light at the end of the tunnel, too damn right there is as long as we remain grateful for what we've got and appreciate that we are not immortal - so just try to enjoy life a bit more and look forward to the good, and ignore the bad.

    Best wishes

    R

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  • Posted

    Dear hypercat please contact someone for help, if not your GP them maybe AGE CONCERN..OR..THE SAMARITANS..

    You could maybe volunteer to help others in the same situation.. but please, please do not give up... hugs, and lots of them to you. Deirdre xxx

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  • Posted

    Hello Bev, I am sorry your feeling like this. You have given so much good advice to others here and are a valued member on this forum. Hope you start to feel better soon. smile  smile

    Elizabeth. xx

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  • Posted

    I know what you are saying.  I have lived alone for 30 years, and have had depression all that time.  It is a difficult illness to keep battling.  Hard to keep fighting.  I am older than you, and the older get the more difficult it becomes to feel positive about anything.  The harder it gets the o9lder we get I think. 

    You say you are not more depressed and can laugh and joke so that is a very good thing.  Carry on like that.  Well we will all fade away in the end, so just try and keep going until that happens.

    You have friends who understand here.  Yes somewhere peaceful is nice, but do you want it to be in the graveyard yet?  Have you nothing to look forward to?  Can you not make some plans to do things or go somewhere so that you will have something to look forward to? 

    Yes carry on venting.  I think it is great we can do this here and everyone knows how we feel.  Depression is difficult, and the longer we have it the more difficult it is.  End in sight you ask?  Yes of course there is.  I think there is anyway.  Keep on fighting.

     

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  • Posted

    hi hypercat ive been on flu 20mg for the past 15 days i beggining to get similar thoughts like ur experiencing it feels like ive got jekyll and hide inside me havent mentioned or spoken about this to anyone suppose being a fulltme carer for my mum keeps me focused i dont get these thoughts to often then all of a sudden it pops into my head hopefully its just the meds dont really know what to say to make you feel better but ive started to accept that ive got depression but it doesnt make it any easier so i will send you my best wishes and hope you feel better soon grahamjx
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  • Posted

    Thank you very much for all the replies everyone.  I really appreciate it.  I am not up to answering individual posts at the moment but will do when I can. 

    You really are a great bunch of people.  Bless you all.   Bev xx

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