I don't think I can do anything anymore

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I've had depression for a year now and to be honest, I'm not sure if I can do anything anymore. In my second semester in university, I slowly became quiet and think about how everybody's life would be better without me. The smallest things became overwhelming to me and one day I just couldn't do it anymore. So I tried to commit suicide, but it didn't work. I was admitted to the hospital so the school found out and recommended I take a gap year. So I did. I went to a psychiatrist and been taking antidepressants since then. But now my year is up and I was supposed to register for this fall semester, but I couldn't pull myself to go back. So I just didn't. I don't do anything now I stay in my room all day. I feel like I'm just screwing my life more and more so I can push myself to die again.. I can't stop crying since I've decided not to go back because a small part of me keeps telling me I could have made things better if I returned to school. Now even my parents are exhausted and whenever I cry they tell me to suck it up. I've lost all my friends too. I'm 20 and I can't see any reason why I should keep living. I feel like I'm just a waste of space and people's time. I can't stop thinking about how I will be doing a favor if I died because the truth is I don't think I can ever be around people anymore. 

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  • Posted

    Hi ilikeapples,

    We note from a recent post which you have made to our forum that you may be experiencing thoughts around self-harm. If we have misinterpreted your comments then we apologise for contacting you directly. But if you are having such thoughts then please note that you are not alone in this, and there are people out there that can help.

    If you are having these suicidal thoughts then we strongly recommend you speak to someone who may be able to help. The organisations below can help you explore your options, understand your problems better, or just be there to listen. If you are having such thoughts then please do reach out to one of these organisations who will understand what you're going through and will be able to help.

    There are several helplines in the US which can help you.

    They include the Crisis Call Center on Phone: (800) 273-8255;

    Hopeline Network on Phone: (800) 422-HOPE (1-800-422-4673)

    and the National Suicide Prevention Hotline on Phone: (800) 273-TALK (1-800-273-8255).

    Please do reach out - there are many good people who can help.

    For users outside of the USA please have a look at this page https://www.befrienders.org/directory

    Kindest regards,

    Patient

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  • Posted

    Sorry to hear what you're going through. I know for a fact that people would NOT be better off without you, that's the depression talking. Suicide wouldn't just end your life but destroy the lives of those that love you even if they're not showing it right now. You've done the right thing by taking this time out for yourself but you can't force yourself to feel better or suddenly 'snap out of it' because your gap year is up. There's no time limit on recovery & you shouldn't put pressure on yourself to have it all figured out. Life is so unpredictable I gave up on trying to plan for the future because things can change in a split second, you never know what's around the corner.

    You don't HAVE to go back but you could definitely try to get out the house more, go for walks, get a part time job, meet with friends, read books, literally anything to fill your day with other than sitting inside alone with your thoughts. You're doing so well just surviving, don't give up on yourself now, take your time, forget what anyone else thinks & just live for YOU x

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  • Posted

    Hi, it sounds like you need to talk to your doctor about your medication. You might need to try something else. Because the right meds can help you to feel better.

    Depression is very hard to deal with, and most times the people around us don't understand. Your parents love you. They are just feeling helpless because they don't know what to do to help you.

    Please don't give up on you. You have your whole life ahead of you and time is on your side.

    I have been on different kinds of meds, but finally we found the one that works for me, and your doctor will help you find the right one for you. Hang in there, we are here for you🙏

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    • Posted

      I feel for everone in this situation which i also find myself in. There must be a olution out there and your advice about different medications is sound but for me they can find nothing tomwork Nd i wake depressed each day.  I also have lost friends tomthis illness and family find it hard . Psych has tried many pills, no use.  When i say i cant go,on i really feel it.  There must be a way of lifting depression.
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