I don't want to live.

Posted , 6 users are following.

I am almost 50, lost my 20+ yeast job 3 years ago. Went back to school for 2 years and can't get a job in the new field of study......

I have a family, I am a failure to them. I am not providing financially.

I am just a service provider to everyone.

I don't enjoy doing anything, life is a chore.

Why can't I just die?

People die everyday and their families move on.

1 like, 9 replies

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9 Replies

  • Posted

    Hey sweetie you are so important life throws us sh*t but we can get through it please don't do anything silly I'm always here for a chat I care so there's. Start!

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  • Posted

    Oh my god,I was in exactly the same place two weeks ago,I kept thinking I just want to die my family will get over it,it's the depression doing that to you everything is negative please get some help I have started sertralin and it has helped ok I'm not fully better but I can now see it's not worth during & your family would not get over it

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  • Posted

    HI Susan,

    I am sorry you are feeling so awful.  Your job does not define who are or are not.  You have a family who loves you.  I am sure the past three years have been awful but am sure your family thinks of you as a mom/sister... and not just a bread winner.  Please see a GP for some meds

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    • Posted

      I understand that my job doesn't define me.

      The financial crisis that I have put us in could be solved with life insurance.

      The kids will have other family members to go to, they don't respect me anyway.

      I don't really think pills will help, tried that already. Failed at that too.

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    • Posted

      Hi Susan,

      I wish I had better words for you. I am going through kinda of a similar bottoming up situation. 

      Is there anything that brings you joy? Maybe you could do something once a day that makes you happy.

      I don't mean to diminish the severity of your situation. I really get it.  I would have killed myself long ago if I weren't Christian and afraid of being eternally damned.

      I don't think you are a failure as you suggest. You have been struck with a serious life changing blow. But it can get better.  What is did you get trained in? Maybe you have to look for work not so close to home?


      It is so hard to see a future when the present is so bleak. But, it can change and you can be happy again.  You know, I bet you will find another job.  I really do, it will happen.  And that will change so much of your outlook. 

      It sounds like you were really proactive with going back to school. But there really must be something that was overlooked.

      Pills are a pain. It can take trying a few different kinds to get the right one.

      I really hope and pray that things in your circumstance start to lift.

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  • Posted

    Have you tried talking to your family about this? You wont know what they think of you because you cant read their minds so why not talk to them. 

    And families do move on but the process of moving on is very difficult you wouldnt want to put them through that right? 

    Keep your head up and keep trying you wouldnt know what life will bring you next.

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    • Posted

      Maybe then you could try doing something for yourself? You dont have to keep doing things for others you could do something that you enjoy or experiment with a new activity during your free time. I know it gets very tiring puting others needs first so sometimes you should take a break.

      I need to get this clear does your family make you feel that way or are you telling yourself that thats the truth that your opinions are always wrong because there is a difference. 

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  • Posted

    Hi Susan - sorry to read of your situation. Suicide is a permanent solution for a temporary problem. Your family will always wonder what they could have done to prevent the event, they will find some way to blame themselves, and you will regret the legacy you leave. First thing to do is to see your doctor. Talk about a course of anti-deppressants to0 help you in the short term, and also discuss a referral to a counsellor/psychologist where you will be able to air your angst and be offered diffferent perspectives. The Second thing to do is not give up on finding your next career. All the rejections are extremely depressing and we wonder whether we have any worth to and in society - until that day when the phone rings and that last annoying interview is the next employment step in your life. At the moment you are feeling like a slave to the needs of everyone else who may seem indifferent to your plight. As has been suggested, perhaps you should have a family meeting and express what you are feeling and how the situation is getting you down. You may be surprised at the response. You may feel you are nothing but a service provider to those around you as they rush about their lives, but you are helping them. I bet they would rather have you in their luves than anything an insurance policy will provide. Don't give up, Susan, the sunshine is just under the horizon.

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