Posted , 7 users are following.
my severe clinical depression is getting worse every single day. i self harm alot on a daily basis and have multipul panic attacks each day.im on prozac. i dont know what to do with my self. i cant 'hang in there' anymore. im seeing doctors and start CBT in a few weeks. im just another depressed heartbroken worthless teenage boy who knows nothing about the world. suicidal thought have been entering my mind lately. please help me, just reply(((((
1 like, 142 replies
AnonymousWoman kirancrampton
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robin77577 kirancrampton
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When you are young , it is hard to see around corners. In other words, it's hard for you to see that things WILL change for the better. There is a happy future for you. Don't worry Kiran. In a short time, things will look SO much better.
You are not alone. Many people suffer from panic attacks. Many could share with you that they overcame a difficult period such as yours and that they are now leading full and meaningful lives.
You need help immediatley. If you are at all hesitant, follow anonymousgirl's suggestion and call a help line.
On this forum, we all care about you, Kiran. I am a mother of a son who suffered fro Social Anxiety and if he had ever been as low as you are at this moment, I would have wanted to know so that I could get him help.
Your family cares about you. Go to them for support and get help without delay.
please, please Kiran, keep in contact with us. We are concerned about you..and will worry about you until we hear that you are okay, safe and getting the help you need.
joan152 kirancrampton
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Please please as been suggested try and get help,there us the Samaritans wherever you are,can you ring your CBT and see how much longer and say you are desperate,or ring your GP and ask if the crises team can come out to you or present yourself to AE .Think of all the people that will miss you.Have you a good friend you can talk to.
Please get help all on herewillworryabout you ,but from a distance we cannot do much,except be on here keep posting somebody will answer you.
Good Luck.
kirancrampton
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robin77577 kirancrampton
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Have you ever been to a fun park where they have those wonky mirrors? When you look in them you see yourself distorted. But you know that you really don't look like that, right? This is the same situation. You are really NOT what you are perceiving that you are. I hope this makes sense to you. Your thoughts are distorted and you need to set them straight.
Please answer me: Are you going to the hospital now? When you present yourself you must say that you are having 'suicidal thoughts'. This is important.
Please write back and say that you are going for help now...even if it is that you taken the first step and have spoken to a parent.
A concerned mother
kirancrampton robin77577
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joan152 kirancrampton
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robin77577 kirancrampton
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Step 2: tell them you are having suicidal thoughts and are in despair...just what you have written on these posts.
I think that is all you need to do. They will take you to AE and you will have the help you need.
If we do not hear from you, we will know that your parents have taken you to the hospital and we look forward to hearing from a much happier Kiran upon your return. I have tears in my eyes imagining this, Kiran. You are in a sense everyone's son. And we want the best for you.
Vickycam kirancrampton
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kirancrampton Vickycam
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robin77577 kirancrampton
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Why not speak to your parents, show them your posts if necessary and then pressure is off you to decide what to do. I know it is difficult to speak about one's feelings (you are male after all) and you may be afraid and embarrassed to shock your parents by your intense emotions and feelings of desperation. You may not even be able to convey them in words. That's why you might want to open your posts and show them what you are going through. Be completely honest. If your mother or other family member such as a sister, were going through what you are going through, would you want them to hide their agony, suffer alone and not share it with you? Would you be okay if they were at the point of considering suicide but not able to trust you enough to go to you?
You must not suffer in silence, Kieran. The load is half as heavy when shared with a friend...as they say.
AnonymousWoman kirancrampton
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would love to hear from you if you get the chance. Hope your anxiety isn't too bad right now.
anonymousgirl
kirancrampton AnonymousWoman
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i havent had the chance to call yet, i cant get the her out of my head and it hurts so much i cant take it. its nice to see people care tho, i just cant get over how much i hate myself, im so angry at the world and i cant take this lonelyness
AnonymousWoman kirancrampton
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That's OK if you didn't get the chance yet.
I'm sorry I don't understand, do you mean you can't get the girl out of your head? That must be hard for you, I am sorry to hear that you are having such a tough time.
If it helps, I don't hate you!
don't worry, I have felt angry at the world and lonely too. I know sometimes it can be tough but always remember there are some pretty awesome things in life too that make it all worth it.
Maybe you could try and think of something you would like to do that might help you relax a bit or feel a bit less sad? I know it can be hard to calm down sometimes when thoughts are running around your head. For example, I love to listen to soft quiet music and close my eyes if I am alone. Do you think there's anything like that could help you maybe?
anonymousgirl
kirancrampton AnonymousWoman
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even when i do beat this i will still look back on myself as a weak human bieng, the chance that i will follow my dreams or become anything of real value to the world is so unlikely
robin77577 kirancrampton
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AnonymousWoman kirancrampton
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kirancrampton robin77577
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AnonymousWoman kirancrampton
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Maybe you could try something you used to enjoy doing, just to see does it help you to relax a little bit? Even just for 5 minutes? Not worth any harm, surely?
If it doesn't work you can come back on here, I will still be online
kirancrampton AnonymousWoman
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AnonymousWoman kirancrampton
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I have been in a very similar situation to you. I know the feelings that you have, the scared, lonely, panicked, trapped, stuck, unbearable pain. The tiredness of being tired. The pain of having been in pain too long. . .
Basically, I too once considered suicide. But I survived. And I'm here. I'm still getting better but let me tell you, I feel so much better than I used to. Sometimes I am shining with happiness. And it's great because after the depression, the happiness is new. It's like you're feeling it for the first time ever. And it feels great.
I like to come on this site so that I can relate to people who have gone through the same sort of stuff, as I said, family and friends don't always understand. . . So I try to help as many people on here as I can if I think I can answer their questions. . . because I've been through it myself.
You can do it too.
kirancrampton AnonymousWoman
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AnonymousWoman kirancrampton
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If you can, try counting in for 4 seconds, hold for 2 and out for 6 seconds. If that's too hard, try in for 1, out for 1, in for 2, out for 2, in for 3, out for 3, and so on up to 5. I know it's hard to concentrate on the counting but that'll help distract your mind and at the same time you'll be getting more air in which is what your body needs.
robin77577 kirancrampton
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You do have a therapist. You need to call him or her and say that you are in crisis. If you are obliged to leave a message, the therapist might pick it up immediately and call you right back.
Can I ask you, what exactly is holding you back from speaking to your parents? If they do take you to hospital, you may only need to spend a few days there in order to possibly find a medication that sets you back on an even keel. Then you can turn things around...enjoy your summer, get out with your friends, get involved in things again and put this bad episode behind you. You may be more 'fragile' for a while but you will get better.
Here is an inspirational woman, Clara Hughes, a Canadian olympic champion who suffered from serious depression. She just finished bicycling across the whole of my country, Canada, in I believe 110 days to bring the message through talks in schools and community centres but especially to young people, that no one should be ashamed of depression or suffer in silence. Clara Hughes may have had the same thoughts as you as a young person about her lack of self worth...and look at her, she is I think a 3 time olympic champion. But her biggest success is facing her mental illness, seeking help and working towards her own recovery and return to health. http://www.theglobeandmail.com/sports/more-sports/clara-hughes-conquers-the-dark-weight-of-depression/article4239722/
My own (young adult) daughter had a burnout last year. She worked her tail off making record sales for her company from when she arrived at work at 5:45 every morning until night,. She encountered a lot of conflict at work with a difficult employee, and finally ended up crying all the time, having panic attacks at work etc.. She sought help immediately and after a recovery period and the right anti-depressants for her, she is as right as rain and back at work and enjoying life to the fullest. She even got married since then and was a happy, radiant bride.
I am leaving the house now for several hours and I hope that I read messages from you on the site saying that you had a talk with your parents and that things are moving in a positive direction. Take care, Kiran.
AnonymousWoman kirancrampton
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kirancrampton AnonymousWoman
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kirancrampton AnonymousWoman
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robin77577 kirancrampton
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Speak to your mother anyway...but maybe not expect too much. When our parents don't behave like parents (and I speak from experience) often that is what makes us mature more quickly. We become the more mature one in the parent/child relationship.
Call your therapist, a relative, a minister or priest, a friend's mother; anyone you think you can confide in, preferably an adult.
kirancrampton robin77577
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AnonymousWoman kirancrampton
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Wow, sounds like you are having a really tough time at the moment. I'm sorry to hear that.
Don't worry, it's adjustment for parents to hear the news they don't want to hear. I'm sure your Mum cares about you and that's why she got drunk. I hope you know that it wasn't your fault that she did. Dads don't always know how to react either. My Dad starts asking me WHY I feel the way I do, I say I don't know!
I think you are doing so well by the way just to let you know. It must be extra tough when you feel like you have to be strong for your Mum too when right now all you want her to do is take care of you like she used to do when you were small. If she gets angry at you at all, or gets frustrated, just try to remember that it's because she is struggling to deal with her own emotions. The same goes for your Dad.
Know that you can talk to me or any of us here whenever you want anyways. I won't be able to be online all the time but I will check in when I can. I'll be online now until about 5 as I will be going home then and I won't have internet access.
Maybe you could call a helpline this evening?
kirancrampton AnonymousWoman
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AnonymousWoman kirancrampton
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Good on you Kiran, I know it's tough making the call. I used to think about it a lot when I was at my worst and never did. It was after a really bad panic attack at night (which I didn't realise was a panic attack) that I went into the doctor and that's when I followed up going to counselling then.
In the meantime, don't forget the breathing techniques and the "I'm here" thing. I only found out about that very recently. I find it's the best tip ever, it really helps me I don't really need it too much anymore but I wish I had found it earlier!!
I hope it helps you as much as it helps me!
kirancrampton AnonymousWoman
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AnonymousWoman kirancrampton
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I had a bit of a disappointing romantic experience myself on Friday and was in a foul mood afterwards. My brother even noticed himself!
I have been getting a few painful memories the last couple of days too. They came out of nowhere and were so vivid and I'd just start crying.
I guess the only consellation is that they'll pass. These moments will all pass.
AnonymousWoman kirancrampton
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kirancrampton AnonymousWoman
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AnonymousWoman kirancrampton
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AnonymousWoman kirancrampton
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AnonymousWoman kirancrampton
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I'll pop on again later on this evening.
AnonymousWoman kirancrampton
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You online? How are you getting on now, hope you're still doing OK now
anonymousgirl
kirancrampton AnonymousWoman
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kirancrampton AnonymousWoman
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AnonymousWoman kirancrampton
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Did you try doing something you used to enjoy for just a little while?
One thing I know, is that it's not good to sit with your own negative thoughts whirring around. It's good to distract yourself.
kirancrampton AnonymousWoman
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AnonymousWoman kirancrampton
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AnonymousWoman kirancrampton
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kirancrampton AnonymousWoman
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AnonymousWoman kirancrampton
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AnonymousWoman kirancrampton
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kirancrampton AnonymousWoman
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AnonymousWoman kirancrampton
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kirancrampton AnonymousWoman
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AnonymousWoman kirancrampton
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AnonymousWoman kirancrampton
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Just wanted to say I hope tonight's a good night. I know you said you get most anxious at night. I won't be online as I am wrecked tired but don't forget you're "I'm here" and also the breathing techniques. And ring a call line if you need to. Or maybe someone else will be online here.
You're doing great so far, you can nearly tick a day off the waiting list for CBT! Welldone!! :D
Looking forward to a bit of a chat tomorrow if you are online. I usually check my messages in the morning!
Take care,
anonymousgirl xx
kirancrampton AnonymousWoman
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joan152 kirancrampton
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you can you can another day you are through,you have everything to strive for like getting better.So today you have managed to message on here .In the morning just take every hour as it comes don't think what if , take it as it comes. We will all be here in the morning for you ,and if you get that lower in the night ring Samaritans or any help.line.
kirancrampton joan152
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Vickycam robin77577
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robin77577 Vickycam
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AnonymousWoman robin77577
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