I dont want this anymore

Posted , 5 users are following.

I am feeling so down, i am really struggling to see a point to live, my son would be better off without me, all i do is cry these days, i cant cope anymore, i've had enough

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13 Replies

  • Posted

    Hi Ryan0306, im sure thats not true your little boy needs his daddy and u him.

    I know it feels like u cant cope any more at the mo but it will pass, is there any1 u can talk 2 or 2 help u with your son.

    Have u told your gp how u r feeling?

    Sorry if not much help am on a bit of a low myself, just wanted 2 reply and let u no u r not on your own.

    Take care stay safe and strong.

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  • Posted

    But he will be, I found out he calls my ex's bf dad sometimes.

    Not really people know i am depressed but no one knows how bad i have gotten, I have gone downhill so fast. This is the lowest I have ever been and I feel more suicidal now then when i tried to take my own life 6 months ago, i just dont want to be around any more, this hurts to much

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  • Posted

    Hi Ryan0306.Things sound so bad for you at the moment.Do you have support from mental health team??I am worried you are feeling the way you.do.You are being heard loud and clear on here.Put some of your feelings down on here and lets see if any of us can help you this evening.I cannot honestly say I have felt all the feeling you are but I am a good listener as is everyone on this site.There is always someone listening and understading.YOU ARE NOT ALONE FRIEND.Please take care.Post soon and let us all know how you are doing.X
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  • Posted

    I do see the community help every month and am waiting to see a phsyciatrist through my gp, I was released from crisis team in middle november and fell into a black hole for 3 months until i was contacted by cmh.

    I feel so upset all the time, I am crying literally all the time and i am getting so fed up and angry at my self I cant do it any more, I have had enough of feeling like this. I miss my ex and my son so much, it is tearing me apart, my life is so crap I have lost all my friends cos of this depression, i feel like my family are fed up with me and i just feel like a burden on everyone

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  • Posted

    I wish I knew what to say or could wave a magic wand to make the depression go away but I can't.I think it is a very positive move to keep posting on here as you are not only (hopefully) getting comfort from your friends here but also helping us to cope too.All the time we are sharing our thoughts (good smile or bad :cry: ) we can all pull together and see each other through this.Most days I have ups and downs but take alot of comfort in knowing I am not alone and that we are all in this togeher.You must battle on through this.You must know that things will get better.You will get through this.You are not alone and please keep posting because we all care.Here is BIG HUG :hug: ...you sound like you need it.Take care buddy.xxx
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  • Posted

    Thank you

    I dont know what to do anymore, I cant handle this depression anymore I dont want to be here anymore. I have never felt this low, i just want to jump off my balcony but am scared I will ruin someone elses life, I think about taking tabllets but worry incase i havent got enough, i dont want to mwss it up and have to live with knowing my family have seen me try again

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  • Posted

    Ryan,

    I know what it feels like when you want to give up but hang on in there things will get better it just may take some time. when i was at my lowest i wanted to end it but i held out, like your self i didnt want to reack someone elses live mainly my children and husbands. if you dont manage to do sucseed you will get sectioned and thats only good if you need 24 care. my father in law was sectoned for the same reson last year and if anything he is worse now.

    have you called any support help lines they are good and some times it helps talking to another human.

    dont do anything that will end it, get help talk to a doc or emaergancy doc, life will get better with help.

    Good luck and keep yourself safe, my thoughts are with you

    Marie

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  • Posted

    [quote:206bfabd92=\"Marie81\"]Ryan,

    I know what it feels like when you want to give up but hang on in there things will get better it just may take some time. when i was at my lowest i wanted to end it but i held out, like your self i didnt want to reack someone elses live mainly my children and husbands. if you dont manage to do sucseed you will get sectioned and thats only good if you need 24 care. my father in law was sectoned for the same reson last year and if anything he is worse now.

    have you called any support help lines they are good and some times it helps talking to another human.

    dont do anything that will end it, get help talk to a doc or emaergancy doc, life will get better with help.

    Good luck and keep yourself safe, my thoughts are with you

    Marie[/quote:206bfabd92]

    I know what you are saying about things getting better, but for nearly a year all that has happened is things have got worse and worse, I try to be happy even if its for 5 mins and i cant even do that, all i do is cry. I lost all my so called friends cos of this depression, I feel so alone, I have no one I can talk to

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  • Posted

    Ryan,

    it is hard i have felt bad for 13yrs i want to be happy and some times i get it but never 100%

    I have read your posts and you got to hang in there for your son, i have 2 girls and as much as i want to jump under a train in rush hour i have to stay alive for them.

    Do you sleep ok, i dont but if i did i would sleep to for a week to hide away from everything.

    When you feel this bad nothing seams achiveable and your stuck in a never ending cycle of bad things and you cant see the light at the end of it can feel like you dont need to be in this life anymore, but i am sure you do honey we all have a role to play out in this world and i am sure you will find your place soon.

    I have no female friends as i upset everyone in the end i am not a bad person, sometimes i need a friend to talk to and i have none so i come on this site and talk to people who understand. i have called the sermations a few times when i split form my exhusband they helped alot you should consider calling them, its worth a try.

    if you want to get things of your chest i will be online for a few more hours i will listen and i promise not to bang on about it getting better in the end.

    stay safe

    Marie

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  • Posted

    Hi Ryan, u said 6 months ago u had a low and tried suicide, r u not able 2 tell your gp u r afraid things r that bad again.

    Am sure no1 thinks u r a burden they would rather c u safe and want 2 help even though it doesnt feel like it at the mo (alot of it is the negative thoughts depression leads us 2 have and that is not your fault).

    If its 2 much 2 deal with day 2 day try 2 think of the day of 2 parts am/pm and try 2 set yourself small tasks even if its just a walk plug in some of your favourt music go someware quiate or just housework or any hobbies u have.

    4 the second part of the day c how u feel and if all u want 2 do is just chill out then thats ok.

    U said your son calls this other guy dad SOMETIMES but who does he call dad all the time, im sure he noes who his real dadis and he wont let u 4get it and im sure u wont him, think of all that pleasure he gives u, u cant make children love and need u but i bet he does more than u think.

    I dont no if your son lives with u but if not think of thoes days u have him and just use it as u and him time and make it as much fun as possible so that when u take him back its not a sad time its more of alooking 4ward 2 the next time 4 u both.

    Hang on in there your not on your own there is people u can talk 2 on here and alot of us have been ware u r and with eachothers help try and make the painfull and hard times a little easier if we can.

    Take care stay strong and safe. :hug:

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  • Posted

    Hi Ryan,

    I hope this post will find you safe and sound. You had me worried. Hope things have picked up since Sat.

    Ryan, your son is only three years old. He calls him 'dad' sometimes, that hurts, but other people will refer to him as his 'dad' not knowing any better, no wonder he picks it up. You can't expect him to go all the time 'this is not my dad, my real dad is somebody else' - that would be too much for him and would put him in a terrible situation with your ex's boyfriend, too. After all, it's better for your son, if the two of them get along. If your ex's bf would have an issue with your son, that would be no good for him, her - or you, at least in the long run, even if you would prefer it right now.

    What would really worry me, is if he ceases to call YOU 'dad'. That would be grave indeed. But he doesn't do that, does he? He still calls you Dad, doesn't he?

    Enough of the preaching. How are you? Are you allright?

    Take good care of yourself. Also for your son, believe me, he would miss you. Imagine how he must feel if he learns, once older \"my father killed himself when I was a young boy, because I called my mum's bf 'dad'\". Heavens! That's not necessary, is it?

    Remember, the better you get, the better your chances to see more of your child.

    Lots of love,

    Heidi

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  • Posted

    [quote:f19d3aef26=\"mum-to-be\"]Hi Ryan,

    I hope this post will find you safe and sound. You had me worried. Hope things have picked up since Sat.

    Ryan, your son is only three years old. He calls him 'dad' sometimes, that hurts, but other people will refer to him as his 'dad' not knowing any better, no wonder he picks it up. You can't expect him to go all the time 'this is not my dad, my real dad is somebody else' - that would be too much for him and would put him in a terrible situation with your ex's boyfriend, too. After all, it's better for your son, if the two of them get along. If your ex's bf would have an issue with your son, that would be no good for him, her - or you, at least in the long run, even if you would prefer it right now.

    What would really worry me, is if he ceases to call YOU 'dad'. That would be grave indeed. But he doesn't do that, does he? He still calls you Dad, doesn't he?

    Enough of the preaching. How are you? Are you allright?

    Take good care of yourself. Also for your son, believe me, he would miss you. Imagine how he must feel if he learns, once older \"my father killed himself when I was a young boy, because I called my mum's bf 'dad'\". Heavens! That's not necessary, is it?

    Remember, the better you get, the better your chances to see more of your child.

    Lots of love,

    Heidi[/quote:f19d3aef26]

    Things arent good, on wednesday I tried to take an od of co-codamol, I am back under the care of the crisis team.

    Just feel like crap and want it to be over with

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  • Posted

    Oh Ryan,

    at 3yrs old kids often mistake names and people. When i was 4 I jumped off the school bus and hugged the wrong mum!!!

    Please keep posting. Hopefully, since 8th April the crisis team are doing some good as you clearly need the help.

    Luckily I have never got to taht stage but I know people who have been on the other side - a friend whose brother suceeded in suicide. My friend is now a total wreck, blaming himself!

    Please, there is always something to look forward to in life - even if it is just the sun coming up in the morning.

    Lelly xx

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