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Am 46 years old , I feel empty inside I feel I don't belong any were . My family are nasty people , me dad hasn't spoke to me for 4 years due to me having a argument with me step sister .
My mum has always put her men first before her kids . Had a rubbish upbringing .
But I still crave for the love from my parents that I know am not gonna give .
I sent me mum a mothers day card and birthday card and didn't even get a thanks for it. My parents are getting on now and in me head when they pass away how am I gonna feel . I feel like I tried so hard and I still keep trying .
Christmas time was last time I spoke to me mum and explained I couldn't send her a Christmas card coz I had a slipped disc and couldn't get out of house .
On boxing day her partner rang me and started shouting coz I didn't send me mum a card and I tried to explain I couldn't get out . And tbh I was so high on medication I didn't have energy.
But this is the woman who hasn't bothered with my children or even seen my grandson who is now 4.
I have good kids who are doing well for there selves which am proud .... I just feel so alone in my thoughts , I don't feel like I belong any were.
Am a good person , I got bullied at work by my manager why coz I was a easy target . People say be strong , I am me and I don't want be like my parents .
Also people say tell your parents how you feel , what good will it do . All it do is cause me pain and you know I can't hurt them by what I'd say it's really not in me and will not give me satisfaction.
Some people shouldn't have kids , I suffer with depression me brother a drinker and me other brother on drugs ...... as for me step sisters there just nasty but have me dad's love .
I wish I could delete the past how do I find a good place . And stop the past from hurting me so much . I hate this empty feeling
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