I feel empty

You are very much in the same situation as me, my parents and siblings leave a lot to be desired. I eventually broke away from them all, I even disappeared from other family members and now live my Retirement, disinherited and alone with my Dog and Wife, I still see my wifes family. However the change has allowed me time to live a more inclusive harmonious life.

I am not saying you should walk away, all I do say is look for ways to deal with the negativity. You say your Child has not seen His Grandma, do you feel that may help if you introduce Him to Her.

The other way of course is a break and that would be you and your families decision. You could have a serious talk with Her and try and address Her negative vibes, this way would hopefully clear the air, although I found the feelings my family had against me had existed from being a ten year old child.

So feelings become set in the brain and you will have problems changing them.

BOB

Hi Donna

I just saw your post and am so sorry you have this in your life, no one but no one deserves this type of behaviour from another. These people never can see the wood for the trees, what is going on is past hurt, you're experiencing symptoms of ingrained past hurts, and every time you interact you're left feeling undervalued, rejected and overwhelemd by how these people especially family can act this way toward you. It's so hurtful and yet it continues.

I too have been on the receiving end of self absorbed closed minded people who have an opinion on everything and know very little. Take a wee look at the evidence and break it down this way...it may help a little

1. Their thoughts are more important 

2. Their feelings are more important

3. The way they act must be acceptable no matter what others think

4. They are rarely or never willing to admit they are wrong

5. They think undermining others is totally acceptable

A question...would you pick these type of people to be freinds with?

To be in any sort of relationship with? 

Easy for others to say, ignore, walk away, for that we need to be healthy mentally and in a good place and for that we need to admit to ourselves that walking away would be the best thing for our health...though that can only happen with hard work, to get to the root of yourself which may be very painful, (that's the place i'm in at the mo). 

I have had feelings of what ifs...

What if they blame me?

What if they never speak to me again?

What if I never see them again?

What if something happens to them and my family blame me for not being there?

The answer i have came up with is...

Who cares..they don't. No matter how much you try and convince yourself. I keep repeating this over and over because it's true. If they did care they would not be treating you in this way

I hope even some of this helps you to get stronger

Peace

Hi I get totally where you are coming from as I spent many fruitless years trying to get love and approval from my mother.   I finally recognised that I was never going to get it so built my own brick wall against her.  I also realised that she wasn't able to give me what I craved and it wasn't that she was just being nasty.

I still needed love and approval but I started looking for it outside the family and I got it.  That's you have to do - recognise that you will never get what you need from your family so seek it elsewhere.  Don't set yourself up to be knocked back time and time again.

I would limit contact with your family as much as possible as it isn't helping you having toxic people in your life - and that's what they are family or not - toxic. 

I maintained a relationship with my mother but my wall prevented me from being hurt too much.   This is what you have to do as well.  You have to learn to stop caring and wanting what they cannot give you.  Seek it from your own family and friends instead. 

Hi Donna - so sorry to read of your situation. I can relate to it. Similar issues with my parents, bad childhood etc. I would suggest that you take pride in what you have achieved with your kids, praise yourself for making the effort that your parents didn't and that your kids won't be looking back at your age and regretting your parenting. We can't change others and can't force them to acknowledge our concerns, only they can do that themselves and it sounds like your mother isn't prepared to go there. I reached the stage where I am cordial with my mother, I do send cards etc, but I leave any phone contact up to her. She'll call when she has something to say. I have relegated the past to the past and accepted the hardship instigated by my parents was part of the life-lessons I am learning this time around. Forgiveness doesn't mean you deserve what was done to you, it's about freeing yourself to blossom in your own life. As for your mothers partner - or anyone else - chewing you out for anything - if he does that agin hang up on him. Don't engage people who belittle you. You are worth much more than that. Best of luck to you as you move foward - it will take some adjustment, but you can free yourself. You are not responsible for them.