I feel I can not take any more!!
Posted , 5 users are following.
I've never done anything like this. I feel nervous and a little silly. But I have no one else to talk to.
Erm.. I don't know where to start really.
I'm 25. My partner has just left me because he believed I was speaking to other males online and deleting it. I absolutely was not. He was everything and more. I didn't want or need attention from elsewhere.
This happened Sunday. I don't exactly have the best history with relationships and I've never been on my own. I was in a serious RTA in 2011, I met my first partner that year and stayed together for 3 years. He cheated several times. I then met a partner for 5 years. Again I was cheated on lied to physically and mentally abused he became more in love with drugs than me. So I left him after seeing him with another woman. I met up with an old flame. My god did he change the way I felt. We were like school children!! It was so perfect. I fell in love so quickly and I loved it!! The nerves the butterflies the giggles. It was just everything. I have suffered with depression and anxiety since my rta. My new partner knew nothing of this. He said never understood mental health so I never mentioned it. Things got a bit rocky. I don't know how or why. He finished it a few times but I always fought to bring us back together. This time is so different. I feel so silly. He doesn't want to know me. And I can't prove I didn't do it. I've text every hour trying to change his mind and believe me. He ignores most msgs responds to one or two. He also still dropped to work. I haven't slept properly for 5 days. Probably lucky to have around 3 hours a night? I haven't eaten a meal since last Sunday. The last time I ate was yesterday morning. Half a cheese toastie. I have no appetite. It's constantly on my mind. This isn't just a normal break up. I literally feel pain in my heart and stomach and just cry non stop. I don't know how to deal with this and all I'm thinking is I jus want it to end. I don't want to be here any more and deal with this pain. I know I sound stupid people will just say get over it. But I have nowhere else to turn to and I don't know what to do 😔😥😥😣
1 like, 10 replies
lynsey22731
Posted
amanda35274 lynsey22731
Posted
Hi lynsey. Its not silly to feel this way. ? break is one of the worst pains there is xx its an awful feeling of longing , abandonment and wanting usually one sided that ur heart physically aches. Xxx it does go away tho, but u may need to keep super busy & if overwhelmed speak to ur g.p. about your feelings. Xx in the meantime texting him may be making you worse as ur sat waiting for a reply... aww i wish u luck , & it maybe worthwhile mentioning ur symptoms started after ur r.t.a.cud it be ptsd also as well as yr current problems xx big hug ?? xx
lynsey22731 amanda35274
Posted
Thank you for taking the time to reply. Yes I was diagnosed with ptsd, anxiety disorder depression and differential disorder. I had cbt both private and nhs. This really did help but it's still a battle. Go has given me sertraline but I'm too scared to take them. Also referred me to psychotherapy team. I can't help but text him. I've been used to being with him every day and texting every min of every day. I've got no friends so I'm either at work or at home. I made him my everything and now I have nothing the pain is too much. I wish I could end my life as spiteful as that sounds but I have nothing to live for. No purpose. I feel worthless xxx
amanda35274 lynsey22731
Posted
lynsey22731 amanda35274
Posted
What would the hospital do? I feel so alone would be so nice for someone to just hug me and tell me it's all gonna be ok. All my siblings are married with children. I feel I'm the let down. I've no children no friends no purpose to life. Like I'm good for nothing. I don't bring anything to anyone's life. I know I sound like I'm feeling sorry for myself and I should put my violin away but I'm struggling so bad. These feelings are the worst ever. I've lost 6lb in 5 days. I am drinking fluids but just no appetite. I'm now 8st 12lbs. I don't get what I do so wrong to deserve this. I'm a carer and I have a very caring loving nature. I don't get where my life went so wrong 😥😥 just want this to be over. If it wasn't for you and this site I'd literally have no one to turn to. Thank you so much xxxx
amanda35274 lynsey22731
Posted
Aww the site & 'ppl were here when i needed it. Obv cause i can only send a virtual hug i wouldnt want u to end it. The hosp may be the only place to kp u safe from harm. Other than that i get how ur feeling as ive been there too its horrible xx i lost weight thru heartache too xx and also thru grief & anxiety this time. Xx im also a carer with a big heart and things take longer to heal xx ohh bless u sweetie. The only thing that would make u feel better i cant give :0((.. xxx
lynsey22731 amanda35274
Posted
I don't know if I'm ever gonna overcome this. No your advice and wise words are more than enough. I really appreciate it. Thank you so much xxx
amanda35274 lynsey22731
Posted
Hakuna_matata lynsey22731
Posted
Hi Lynsey sounds like you need time to yourself if I'm honest you can't ask someone to love you until your happy with yourself.
As it brings a whole load of problems you not feeling worthy etc relationships are hard when they end because you do so much together you forget a lot of time to take time out for yourself doing things you solely enjoy.
Add to the mix the fact you have been treated badly in the past and your looking at yourself doubting what you offer is good enough so you make them your priority so of course when they leave your at a loss how can't you be you don't know anymore what it is you enjoy your not your own person anymore you feel like a huge part of you is missing this is completely normal.
If you think about it logically you will see he has his own problems too love isn't control of you want to speak to ppl it's fine I talk to thousands of ladies all the time I don't jump into bed or flirt with them so it doesn't or shouldn't matter if you are talking to ppl or not in a relationship there has to be a certain degree of trust if he thinks your that bad of a person do you really want to be with him I mean honestly.
Yes your going to miss him of course you are he's become your life my advice is get yourself sorted do things you enjoy become happy with yourself and ppl will want you for you don't sell yourself short to the first person make them work for your effections yes you'll get caught up in the wirlwind of a new relationship but next time try to stay grounded Hun take time out for your self do the things you enjoy doing the things you do for nobody but you anyone that's worth your time will already know that time together is important but equally important is time to be yourself maybe with your friends or doing a hobby that doesn't envoled them
Thinking of you at this tough time X
amanda35274 lynsey22731
Posted