I feel like a failure

Posted , 4 users are following.

Well I'm 23 and I recently lost a really good relationship. We were engaged since 2014 and had recently got a place together. Well I had gone to hair school twice and dropped out twice so my next plan was to go to a 4 year college and learn music because I sing and wanted to just improve in that area. Well I was an idiot and lost faith in my relationship and thought we should go on a break. I had moved back to my parents to see if it would motivate me to go thru with college. Well my fiance decided to finalize the breakup even though I had just wanted a small break so I feel like I've lost everything because he is a great guy and I went to the college but only lasted 3 weeks. Couldn't focus and felt like once again there was no point. So I came home....hoping to somehow redeem my relationship....but....it's not working out....yet everything reminds me of him and just makes me think that life is never gonna get better cuz I can honestly say I hate myself. He's trying to move on and says if I don't leave him alone he will get more serious about it and I just don't know how to move on sometimes I just make decisions based on how I feel at the time and then I realize what I've lost and I completely regret it. Especially losing him....all I want to do is have him back and prove to him this time that I do love myself and that I have faith in our relationship....my family never supported our relationship in the first place and I'm really just extremely upset with myself. Seems like everything good in my life I've given up on. I guess u just want to ask for some advice on this matter. I've always felt like I'm a horrible person but now I especially feel that way.

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4 Replies

  • Posted

    dear hannah,

    you are not a failure. it sounds like you are doing the best job you can figuring yourself out. we don't succeed at everything we try. and sometimes it's not even our fault. i've been through some similar things as you so i can relate.

    are you seeing a therapist? or maybe a doctor?

    thats what i need to do in order to learn how to navigate life and deal with sad feelings. it's not a quick fix. but it has worked out for me.

    i am so sorry to hear how upset and sad you are. i hope you manage to get better soon. good luck,

    yours, laura

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  • Posted

    Hi hannah76038.

    I'm sorry about your relationship ending, it's rough I know, but see if you can control those self defeating, self loathing type aspects of your thought patterns using meditative techniques  - YouTube has some good meditation videos. It could help to give you a balance or a focal point, and don't be afraid to shed those tears either, release that pain.  

    Also, if meaninglessness and pointlessness seem to be obstructing you from pursuing your passions in life, then maybe it's time to address those blockages as well. Therapsits or even just reading other peoples journey's on the internet can be good for untangling these types of things.

    All the best hannah76038, that's all I can suggest. Get through this toughest part of the breakup first, heal your inner self, and then refocus on your passions again, singing and music. Life will be good again, you'll see.

     

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  • Posted

    Hi Hannah - how sad to read of your dilemma. I know exactly what you are feeling when you talk of instigating the end of your relationship and the wieght of blame you feel. The first thing to do is to give the ex space. Let him explore his own life for now. If he wants you back he will come looking for you. The second thing is what you do meanwhile: find a doctor and talk aboiut meds for depression and anxiety as well a referal to a therapist/psychologist because you need to address underlying issues that are making you feel the way you do. You must be honest about things with the therapist - is you are unconfortable in their presence, seek another to take their place. You have written that you sing - lucky, lucky you. I sing like a cow and would give anything to have your talent. Do you write songs? If so, your situation is prime meat for a slew of ballads. Some of the best and most popular songs have been written in throes of loss and angst. The last thing to say is that - and I know this is difficult - you must choose a path whether music, hairdressing or other, and stick to it. See it through until you have completed your goal. Best of luck for your future, and remember that not having the boyfriend present in your daily life means you have time to be selfish and chase your dreams. They are prizes that are truly your own.
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  • Posted

    I had something similar after 11.5 years of mariage and two kids my moods got worse and worse for a couple of years and I ended up going into a mental health hospital , only for a week, when I came out my wife told me she wanted a divorce and for me to move out. I was diagnosed with bipolar which to my mind could account for a lot of my behaviour in the past I miss my kids and I don't think I'm ever going to get back with my (ex) wife I work on my own most times and live in a bedroom. Give your ex some time , try to go back on your course, I'm sure the rest of the class don't feel very confidant , they are probably not as honest and in touch with their feelings.

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