I feel like everything I do is for show

Posted , 5 users are following.

I feel like my entire life is a facade. Whenever people see me as positive or happy, it's only for that moment. Im not even entirely sure I'm actually experiencing those emotions. As soon as I'm by myself all of my previous emotions or thoughts just disappear, and I just start thinking about where my life is going, and it's always the same answer...

Nowhere.

I've always done this, and yet I tried my best to live a normal life. I got married, had kids, but now I fear I just doomed them to having a terrible husband/father. I have them convinced that I'm moderately successful, but the truth is my jobs have just been really easy. The only things I'm qualified for, are simple, menial jobs that can't support a family unless I takes jobs in austere environments. I know they would be better off without me, but I'm scared of being alone for the rest of my life. They have put so much faith in me to provide for them, but I don't know if I can be what they want and/or need me to be.

I've tried to be good at things. Sports, writing, photography, anything. But any time I feel like I'm succeeding in any way, I look at someone who has done something with that talent and just think I'll never get to where they are, so I give up. What's the point of pursuing something like that, if nothing will come of it.

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  • Posted

    Lately I feel that us Humans give ourselves way more credit than we're due. There's a misconception that we're some "god-like" beings and are wasting our lives if we aren't super rich or famous. We're actually pretty dumb and this whole game that we've just recently started playing with society is new to us. Some know how to thrive off of it, some are born into greatness and others have to work hard to find happiness and meaning in their lives. 

    The way I see it, at least compared to my life. You are living the dream. A wife, kids, a job. That's three things right there that I don't have but want. So take pride from that. Also, they would definitely not be better off without you. Life is much more important than the materialistic things. Just do your best and love your Family as much as you can. Its all you can do.

    You say you've tried to be good at things but people who are great at things don't give up like you said you did when you saw the competition. If they gave up, they'd have nothing to show for themselves. Just keep looking for hobbies and interests and do what you like and maybe involve your Family. We're in an age where pretty much everything is accessible so its now or never to make a difference. Good luck to you!

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  • Posted

    Hi stop beating yourself up as it sounds like you are doing a great job of providing for your family and being a good role model.  Just because you haven't got a high flying career or you are not very talented at something does not mean you are a failure as a parent.  If that was the case then most parents would be rubbish.

    There is a lot more to parenting that just being a good provider.  It is being there for your family and loving them as you clearly do.  Your children obviously worship the ground you walk on so you must be doing something right.  I think these thoughts could be caused by depression so please seek help.x

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  • Posted

    Oh I will add something else too.  I was always convinced I had no talent until I took up darts.  I found that I had a small talent which was enhanced by continual practise and I am reckoned to be one of the good players in my local league.  I have a passion for the game. Ok I am never going to earn a living at it but it doesn't half make me feel good when I win and even get a trophy! 

    Find your passion in life and you will want to stick at it and become a lot better.  x

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  • Posted

    I feel exactly the same but I haven't achieved half as much as you. You're marries with kids & a job. That in itself is something to be proud of & not easy when you're suffering mentally. You sound like you have zero confidence & you are probably harder on yourself than anyone else! You're not alone in how you I think it's actually normal to have these worries & thoughts but don't ever forget all the wonderful things you HAVE done & CAN still do no matter how big or small x 

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