Posted , 5 users are following.
I feel like my entire life is a facade. Whenever people see me as positive or happy, it's only for that moment. Im not even entirely sure I'm actually experiencing those emotions. As soon as I'm by myself all of my previous emotions or thoughts just disappear, and I just start thinking about where my life is going, and it's always the same answer...
I've always done this, and yet I tried my best to live a normal life. I got married, had kids, but now I fear I just doomed them to having a terrible husband/father. I have them convinced that I'm moderately successful, but the truth is my jobs have just been really easy. The only things I'm qualified for, are simple, menial jobs that can't support a family unless I takes jobs in austere environments. I know they would be better off without me, but I'm scared of being alone for the rest of my life. They have put so much faith in me to provide for them, but I don't know if I can be what they want and/or need me to be.
I've tried to be good at things. Sports, writing, photography, anything. But any time I feel like I'm succeeding in any way, I look at someone who has done something with that talent and just think I'll never get to where they are, so I give up. What's the point of pursuing something like that, if nothing will come of it.
1 like, 4 replies