I feel like I'm loosing control again. I need some advice.

Posted , 1 user is following.

I used to post on here a lot when feeling low but kind of stopped for a while but here I am again back to square 1.

I am currently 23 going on 24 and I'm in a job that is driving me insane. On the bright note I have a new job offer and I'm currently waiting on my new shift dates but wont here anything until April. 

I am currently loosing my mind, my panic attacks and anxiety have returned and I just constantly feel low. My weight has ballooned due to binge eating and I hate myself for it. My attidude in work has changed and I have became very nasty and agressive. I need to let my anger out some how. I HATE myself. I know that there is worse out there but that doesn't fix how I feel. I had a gambling problem, I binge eat everyday and in a bit of debt and my credit rating is shocking. My own fault I know but at the time I didn't care about the condequences. I am such a horrible person if a customer in work is rude to me I always say I hope they die and make sure they hear me. I'm surprised I'v not been sacked.

I was on citolapram but stopped taking it due to my partner and his family going on about how I'm too young to get stressed and it's stupid that I needed the medication in the first place so I thought ok well let me just show you what will happen when I stop taking it and bam! I'm all over the place. I think of suicide a lot but my mum just went through a traumatic experience and to think it would kill her even more if I took my life. I don't want to hurt anyone but I end up doing it anyway. One minute I'm laughing away and literaly 5 minutes later I'm shouting and ranting and throwing objects around the place. 

I need to learn to control myself but it's so difficult.

Everytime I go to the docs I just freeze and Don't know what to say then feel embarrased about talking a load of rubbish like this. sad

I am sorry for ranting but I just need to nice advice so I can decide where I should go from here.

thanks

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  • Posted

    Hello. I may not be much help but here goes.

    As I read through your post it became so apparent that you are very angry at yourself rather than at anyone or anything in particular. Have you ever addressed this with other forms of help other than anti depressants ( I'm not anti them. I'm on 150mg of sertraline daily and have been on them for 15 yrs now). It might be that the anti depressants that your taking are either not enough or not suitable for you. You could try to seek some counselling where you could practice some CBT ( cognitive behavioural therapy). Look up the number for ' talking space' . They would listen to all your concerns confidentially over the phone, then hopefully advice of the best form of support for you. Also talking and off loading to someone might be all you need. It may be that you need to get to the actual route of the problem and why you have these self destruct emotions. Has something happened in the past that you havn't quite dealt with yet? I have done all of the above and they really do help. That doesn't mean that I don't still have my bad days. There are techniques that you could be tought to use to combat these negative feelings when they first arise.

    I know it's easier said than done but try to find some inner strength and instead of beating yourself up over the things you believe you've done wrong, try to look at all the amazing and positive things that you can do and have done.... Because there will be many when you think about it . Your so young ( I don't mean to sound patronising) and you have your whole life ahead of you. You can do this. You can learn to love yourself.

    Do you have any hobbies that you could try to focus on? I know you said that you work but do you enjoy sport, reading, films , going out with friends?

    When I used to feel low I would take myself out for. Jog ( I can't st the moment because I've slipped a disc in my back) but I would just put my iPod on with all my fave music and go running. It really really helped me. You have said that your very body conscious. Maybe you could go for a nice walk/swim?

    Know that you are not alone and their are millions of us that suffer with depression and until you go through it sometimes you can feel isolated and that no one understands. They do! I do along with everyone else on this site. You are never alone!!

    You will get through this as you have before.

    Even if you find my advice completed useless there are still plenty of people ( including me) that you can offload to. I'm sorry your going through such a rotten time.

    Find that inner strength. You can do this 😀

    Best wishes

    Vicky xxx

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  • Posted

    Sweetheart dont beat your self up anxiety is a nasty illness.

    Think of yourself dont think about what others think

    You are a strong person who has beaten this before

    you can do it again

    Stay stronglol

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  • Posted

    Don't give up, Weecara. You WILL get better again. I am praying for you.

    Blessings

    Kirk  :-)

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  • Posted

    Hi weecara,

    we have spoken before about a year ago. Scots find it hard to express  mental illness to others  i think because it is an awkward subject and people like to push it under the carpet. I knw that u speak freely about it. online.  I hve been sectioned twice in the last year and am soon tto be released again.Don't give up there'ss plenty  of us out there to talk to    llots of good wishes

    richard

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