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I used to post on here a lot when feeling low but kind of stopped for a while but here I am again back to square 1.
I am currently 23 going on 24 and I'm in a job that is driving me insane. On the bright note I have a new job offer and I'm currently waiting on my new shift dates but wont here anything until April.
I am currently loosing my mind, my panic attacks and anxiety have returned and I just constantly feel low. My weight has ballooned due to binge eating and I hate myself for it. My attidude in work has changed and I have became very nasty and agressive. I need to let my anger out some how. I HATE myself. I know that there is worse out there but that doesn't fix how I feel. I had a gambling problem, I binge eat everyday and in a bit of debt and my credit rating is shocking. My own fault I know but at the time I didn't care about the condequences. I am such a horrible person if a customer in work is rude to me I always say I hope they die and make sure they hear me. I'm surprised I'v not been sacked.
I was on citolapram but stopped taking it due to my partner and his family going on about how I'm too young to get stressed and it's stupid that I needed the medication in the first place so I thought ok well let me just show you what will happen when I stop taking it and bam! I'm all over the place. I think of suicide a lot but my mum just went through a traumatic experience and to think it would kill her even more if I took my life. I don't want to hurt anyone but I end up doing it anyway. One minute I'm laughing away and literaly 5 minutes later I'm shouting and ranting and throwing objects around the place.
I need to learn to control myself but it's so difficult.
Everytime I go to the docs I just freeze and Don't know what to say then feel embarrased about talking a load of rubbish like this.
I am sorry for ranting but I just need to nice advice so I can decide where I should go from here.
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