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I'm a 23 year old male. Ive just graduated with a master's degree but im still no where good/confident/interested in searching for a job.
So all my life, I've been afraid of people and I guess things actually got better at one point. However, for the past few months, ive been a recluse. I barely spoke to anyone and even now, I have no friends. .
I'd like to tell ppl about how I feel, but I know that they are gonna judge me. So.. Im not good at expressing myself. I'm also prepared to receive judgmental comments here as I know people on the internet can be mean. Being a grown man makes me feel even worse to talk about this sort of stuff.
Anyway after some time, I also realized that what I've been studying might not suit me as it requires lots of leadership and I'm like a soft and cowardly person. I wanted to do something else like learning how to code, but I'm afraid that it might be too late for me and also I kinda get so unmotivated now. Nothing interests me anymore.
It's like when im alone, I dunno who to do it for. I used to get so excited when I'm doing it for someone like trying to compete and learn something before that person learns it, so that I can show off. But not anymore as I have no more frens and motivations
Recently, I just keep telling myself that if I end my life, everything will be over.. I don't have to force myself to work and talk to ppl. That's the thing, I don't really like the drama around people. Living a life is one thing, but working and having to listen to ppl bitch about everything.. I feel like I'd rather die than to live that life..
I know that I'm a grown man now, but my mental age might only be around 13-16yo. I just wanna talk about stuff that I'm interested in like TV shows, video games and music but I know thats not gonna happen and hence dying is the only option.
I also forgot to mention that I'm a quiet person so my teenage life wasn't that fun, and it's like I'm trying to get it back. Anyway sorry for a long winded post.
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