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I feel like there's no meaning in my life and I think that dying is the best way out.

Posted , 8 users are following.

Dean9307
Dean9307

Hi,

I'm a 23 year old male. Ive just graduated with a master's degree but im still no where good/confident/interested in searching for a job.

So all my life, I've been afraid of people and I guess things actually got better at one point. However, for the past few months, ive been a recluse. I barely spoke to anyone and even now, I have no friends. .

I'd like to tell ppl about how I feel, but I know that they are gonna judge me. So.. Im not good at expressing myself. I'm also prepared to receive judgmental comments here as I know people on the internet can be mean. Being a grown man makes me feel even worse to talk about this sort of stuff.

Anyway after some time, I also realized that what I've been studying might not suit me as it requires lots of leadership and I'm like a soft and cowardly person. I wanted to do something else like learning how to code, but I'm afraid that it might be too late for me and also I kinda get so unmotivated now. Nothing interests me anymore.

It's like when im alone, I dunno who to do it for. I used to get so excited when I'm doing it for someone like trying to compete and learn something before that person learns it, so that I can show off. But not anymore as I have no more frens and motivations

Recently, I just keep telling myself that if I end my life, everything will be over.. I don't have to force myself to work and talk to ppl. That's the thing, I don't really like the drama around people. Living a life is one thing, but working and having to listen to ppl bitch about everything.. I feel like I'd rather die than to live that life..

I know that I'm a grown man now, but my mental age might only be around 13-16yo. I just wanna talk about stuff that I'm interested in like TV shows, video games and music but I know thats not gonna happen and hence dying is the only option.

I also forgot to mention that I'm a quiet person so my teenage life wasn't that fun, and it's like I'm trying to get it back. Anyway sorry for a long winded post.

2 likes, 20 replies

20 Replies

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  • Bookworm13
    Bookworm13 Dean9307

    Posted

    Hi Dean,

    Please seek help.

    You never know what is round the corner and there could be fantastic opportunities waiting for you.

    Please make an app to see your GP; you'll feel more positive being proactive seeking help and you'll feel like your on your way to rediscovering yourself again.

    Good Luck!

  • borderriever
    borderriever Dean9307

    Posted

    What a waste, a young man who has been educated to such a high standard wanting to end His life. Wanting to play games on the TV all day.

    Many young people here in the IK would love the chance of been educated and get a Masters. Personally I feel you are selfish, taking a resourse passing and just walk away. I do not know if your Parents are still around, in the UK parents flatten their finances to get their children through to University.

    I cannot really understand your situation, all I can suggest is you take some time out and consider what you really want to do, Suicide believe me is not the way to go. Make an appointment and see your GP and explain how you are feeling.

    If you are Suicidal and you are frightend of your actions call the NHS INFORMATION LINE Tel 111 and explain your fears and concerns.

    Listen to those around you, You have been educated to that high Degree, It is now time to put something back into Society and Parents. Consider their feelings and grow up. You are being selfish.

    BOB

     

    • rosie301071
      rosie301071 borderriever

      Posted

      How dare you judge someone in such a negative way depression isn't something that can be helped. Your comment is very negative and to be honest it's also cruel. He has posted in here maybe expecting g some empathy or understanding and you tell him he's being selfish.....sometimes saying nothing is bette Ethan attacking and you should think how you would feel if you were in his position and got the reply you've given.

  • amanda35274
    amanda35274 Dean9307

    Posted

    Everyone is worth something. No matter wat u think ryt now. Ur a highly educated guy and u dont know wat good things lie in wait for u.. i felt this way 13 yrs ago 6 yrs ago 3 months ago too and i know life gets better it just seems crap right now... seek help immediately xx good luck ur not alone now xx
  • amanda35274
    amanda35274 Dean9307

    Posted

    Being suicidal isnt selfish dean a cry for help. Xxx an immense nd to escape the emotional pain. Xxxx seek help xxxx
    • amanda35274
      amanda35274

      Posted

      Thinking of you and hope your seeking some help remember lots of people on the forum feeling as u are x
  • Dean9307
    Dean9307

    Posted

    Hello everyone, thanks for all the kind responses.

    Erm.., I don't think I feel comfortable having a therapist as well as telling my family about how I actually feel. I do joke about being dead or my life being meaningless to my family members once in a while, but I don't think they get it as I tried to hide it.

    The thing is I'm afraid of ppl judging me. I like when the world is friendly and kind. However, some people can be mean. Since young, I was a bully-victim. Before I entered secondary school, I was able to make friends and just have fun. Then during secondary school, I was afraid of talking to new ppl. On the first day of school, it felt like the worst day of my life. N a year later, a larger guy bullied me which made me felt even worse.

    So that scar never left me since I was young, I was able to talk to ppl when ppl are friendly but I was always scared to express my opinions.

    After a few months of being isolated, it felt like everything just crumbled. Im afraid of ppl and at the same time, I'm lazy and uninterested in knowing ppl. I don't wanna talk to my old friends becoz I don't want them to think ill of me

    Anyway, I will try and get out tmr by myself, perhaps go to the gym and order some food which allows me to talk to ppl. However I'm afraid that social anxiety won't go away anytime soon.

    • amanda35274
      amanda35274 Dean9307

      Posted

      Went thru the bully thing at high school too and no relief in an abusive home x nowhere was a safe place. These scars definately affect u in later life but good look goin out tomorrow ull b fine im sure xx
    • Dean9307
      Dean9307 amanda35274

      Posted

      Hi Amanda,

      Thanks for the replying. I really appreciate it. I'm sure life is like box of chocolates, it's filled with wonder. So we will never know what we will come across, but always look on the bright side I guess..

    • amanda35274
      amanda35274 Dean9307

      Posted

      Thats true u never know xxx :0) here if u need to talk. As lots of us goin thru similar things xx let us know how tomorrow goes ♡
    • Dean9307
      Dean9307 amanda35274

      Posted

      Thank you once again. I hope today is a good day for you ☺
    • Dean9307
      Dean9307 amanda35274

      Posted

      Same old same old, I'm still acting like a coward. Have been thinking a lot and depressed lately.

  • Guest
    Guest Dean9307

    Posted

    Hey dean,

    Im very similar to you,shy, reclusive and unmotivated. I also have the same interests, video games, tv shows etc If you need to talk to someone you can private message me as i have been heavily suicidal and know exactly how you feel. Your not selfish, depression isnt something you asked for. Try and tell somone it does help.

    Will

    • amanda35274
      amanda35274 Guest

      Posted

      Hi will hope you find peace from feeling this way its horrid xx good yr sharing on here x
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